Desperate
Posted: April 1, 2018, 2:42 PM


Posts: 8
Joined: April 1, 2018



I have been reading many different post, sounds like everyone is at their wits end. I am in the same boat with my son. Legally, I can't make him go to rehab, the police told me it's not illegal for him to be acting paranoid, delusional or psychotic as long as he's not hurting anyone else or himself. He is homeless and jobless. Refuses rehab.
Just recently was released for a critical care unit in a hospital for overdose, liver and kidneys were greatly impaired and still drug induced psychosis.
He has been staying with me recently because I am so afraid he would die, this has been going on for 10 years and has worsened in past few months. Most of the time he acts like a young child of about 10 years old, he is 42 years old.
I am not sure how much more that I or my family can take this. I feel like I am babysitting a 42 year old child.
I am contacting adult protective services tomorrow and then a lawyer. I am placing him in God's hands.
Any suggestions?
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Posted: April 1, 2018, 9:19 PM


Posts: 1581
Joined: June 27, 2016



sos- read posts from on the Famlies/Partners tab. 'dutchesschmama' has an older son and has gone thru the most heart breaking decisions. She and others have cut their kids off, because they needed to stop riding the roller coaster. and at some point the adult children need to take care of themselves. parents will not be here forever, they will live without you at some point.

My suggestion since your son is living with you is to protect yourself and your space. 1. give him boundaries - no matter how small - household rules, expect him to help with or assign him chores. talk to him only when he is sober. a boundary might be - if you are high, you can not be in my house 2. do not do his chores for him - cleaning, laundry. 3. the goal is to get him out of the house. get him to enroll in state insurance, disability, Medicaid, social services, housing.

I am sure you have tried everything. start thinking in terms of Saving Yourself. What do you need to do to have the life You want. start seeing a therapist for yourself - prefer someone who has addiction and recovery background. only they can understand what you are going thru.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on April 1, 2018, 9:25 PM
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sosplace
Posted: April 2, 2018, 12:45 AM







Thank you for your information NYTOFLORIDA. So much heartbreak to so many families.
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Posted: April 2, 2018, 10:28 AM


Posts: 79
Joined: April 11, 2017



Hi SOS. First of all, you are not alone. I went through many of the same things you have. I understand your pain and fear that your son will die. It's very difficult to accept, but our children can and have died of this disease. Sadly, we cannot save them. They have to choose to seek recovery.

You wrote that your child acts like a young child of about 10 years. I learned in the family classes at my son's rehab that when someone becomes an alcoholic/addict, he/she remains emotionally the age at which he/she began using. The person never learns to deal with life because alcohol and/or drugs become the way he/she deals with things.

You wrote that you are placing your son in God's hands. I think that is one of the very best things you can do. I put my son in God's hands as well and my life no longer revolves around my son's alcoholism/addiction. If I have any suggestions, it would be to attend local Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings as they can be of great support as you hear others share their experience, strength, and hope. Also, some rehabs will allow people to attend their classes even if they don't have family members in their rehab facility. I found those classes so helpful in understanding addiction.

And since you are placing your son in God's hands, you may find this post from the Al-Anon forum helpful

http://al-anon.org/blog/im-putting-son-care/

This post has been edited by helpmeplease on April 2, 2018, 10:35 AM

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Posted: April 2, 2018, 1:35 PM


Posts: 10
Joined: March 27, 2018



So true that maturity stops at the age they started. Even if they stopped and started again getting high, drunk, hungover takes a lot of time, money and effort especially mental effort because one is so focused on that next buzz or high not life in general. It's more than a distraction but a way of life. Adults and adult children are the worst especially among friends and family because it gives them an excuse to act the way they want. Unless enough of the family gets on board with serious rules boundaries etc they will continue. I know one who developed diabetes probably from decades of hard drinking and they don't believe their doctors and drink more than ever. Adults also make tough rehab candidates because many have been doing their substance so long, setting aside the substance when their daily routine for decades includes alcohol and all the associated rituals, routines and people it makes it even tougher to quit/change.

Two adult alcoholics came to visit for holidays frequently after getting drunk elsewhere ie by their own admission a half day of drinking at least. They come in the door with at least one 6 pack(made several trips to car after) and those little travel bottles of alcohol. They do shots in another room like teenagers drinking whisky for the first time, both are over 50.

They say when addicts and alcoholics talk about their substance that's one of crucial signs they are fully addicted. Those same two adult alcoholics frequently talk about getting more alcohol for that day. They want to make sure they're covered until they hit a pillow.
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Posted: April 2, 2018, 1:57 PM


Posts: 8
Joined: April 1, 2018



Thank you so much for your comments. I have called my lawyer, they don't deal with this. Called adult services, they will make a report but need a Dr. or police to be involved. Have been there and done that. He won't go to rehab. Have tried everything I can. I just made him leave. Now the hard part starts again, waiting for him to die.
My devotions say let go, let God. I am waiting for a miracle. I am a Christian and God is my rock. My heart is broken and I pray for God's return. This is hell on earth.
Bless all of your hearts and comments, terrible that we all are going through this pain and suffering. I knew I wasn't alone but this is horrible for all of you too.
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Posted: April 2, 2018, 6:55 PM


Posts: 375
Joined: October 25, 2016



My son has similar problems that we dealt with for many years. We have now detached as much as possible. We couldn’t deal with anymore calls in the night and all that goes with his drug use. It was making me suicidal and I couldn’t take it even one more minute. We just kept going around and around in circles with no improvement and throwing more money at the problem.

You didn’t say what drug(s) your son uses. From my experience, son’s psychosis has been caused mainly by meth and spice. Both are terrible drugs but there may be others that cause the same symptoms. Unfortunately if they use drugs for many years, their minds may not ever recover even if they quit. There are psychotic medications that can control the symptoms if they can get with a program.

Protective services won’t help them if their disability is from drug use. Neither will social security disability. If they are totally unable to care for themselves due to brain damage caused by drugs, then they can do something. Like if he can’t dress himself or fix food or doesn’t know where he is.

Police and ambulance will take them to a mental hospital (or other) if they are psychotic. Tell them you are scared of him or that he is unaware of his surroundings. He would then be a danger to himself or others. They usually keep them three days or until they are stable enough to be released. Mental hospitals are more likely to keep him that long. Have some psych hospital names ready. Regular hospitals will usually keep them in the emergency room overnight and release them. MHMR may sent someone to evaluate them in a regular hospital and they can be transferred to psych but the mental hospitals don’t always have open beds.

It is difficult. My son would not comply with the psych program for long. He continued to use drugs and lie. I was never sure why he was psychotic exactly but he often tested positive for drugs. I couldn’t always make sure he took his psych meds or went for appointments. And really what was the point if he was going to continue with the drugs he could never get the mental illness under control.

I finally gave up and decided I had to look after myself. Cutting them loose is a very hard thing to do.

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Posted: April 2, 2018, 7:06 PM


Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015



Hi SOS, I agree with what you decided to do with your son. Eventually we get put in a position where that’s the only choice we have left. Their the only ones who can help themselves. We didn’t cause any of this and as you can see you can’t control it or cure it either. But they themselves can when they get good and sick enough of living this way. I feel the day I stopped helping my daughter and let her get on with her own life, was the best thing I did to help her. I think when she saw she was losing her family her drug lifestyle wasn’t what she wanted anymore. She has been doing drugs for 18 years. Now she’s weening herself off methadone as she wants free from that and a normal life. I pray she makes it. The years they stay on drugs steals their young years from them. Its like they go from teenager to 40+ and the years in between have never really existed, time goes by in a haze and before they know it they’ve got old and missed out on having their own career,family, children and a home. It’s all very sad and like you say it’s like a hell on earth. God help them all. I hope things take a turn for the better for your son. Take care. Mary.
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Posted: April 2, 2018, 7:08 PM


Posts: 375
Joined: October 25, 2016



Also remember if he is out of touch with his surroundings ... dillusional, paranoid etc. he can be a danger to you and your property. That was a hard thing for me to recognize and I had to be told by outsiders that my son’s behavior was dangerous and abusive. For some reason I couldn’t see it myself. Once I recognized it I was shocked that I didn’t understand that before. I am a smart rational adult but didn’t see his behavior for what it was? I guess sometimes love is blind! And stupid too.

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BUGS
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Posted: April 2, 2018, 9:11 PM


Posts: 8
Joined: April 1, 2018



Thank you all for your replies. I don't feel so alone and then I feel sorry for all of us after reading your stories.
My son was taking meth and spice, some heroin recently.
This is so overwhelming and painful. Life can be difficult just with every day issues but to add these life changing episodes that are beyond our control is devastating.
He already has made the rounds to his sisters and even came back to my home, we didn't open the door but this is just the start. Constant prayers. God is good.
Thank you all again, it helps reading these comments and support.
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Posted: April 2, 2018, 10:07 PM


Posts: 375
Joined: October 25, 2016



I read somewhere that once a drug causes a psychotic break, it is more likely to cause another one that is more severe. If a brain has a psychotic break once or twice it can usually go back to normal but the more it happens, the less likely the brain will ever return to normal. Neural alterations become permanent. Anything can trigger a break from reality just like a schizophrenic. They don’t even have to be using drugs at the time. Many long-time drug users will have psychosis for life and will have to use antipsychotic drugs to control those symptoms. If they can ever quit using the drugs in the first place. I think many of these people use different kinds of drugs like meth, spice, marijuana, ecstasy, pills, and LSD. They aren’t too particular and even mix drugs but they may have some taboos... maybe something they say they will never try. However, when high their resolutions and inhibitions are sometimes forgotten.

This post has been edited by BugginMe on April 2, 2018, 10:08 PM

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