Loosing The Love Of My Life To This "miracle" Med
Posted: September 15, 2017, 5:02 PM


Posts: 1
Joined: September 15, 2017



My boyfriend has been on 8mg/2mg suboxone film and 2mg xanax a day for 12yrs at least.

I don't know what really got him started. He said it was after a surgery, for pain management. But I had my doubts because in the beginning of our relationship he was hiding it from me. And he would also go to the bathroom for literally 30min, 45min even an hour twice a day. I started thinking, maybe he is doing drugs, shooting... It was the strangest thing for me. So one day after he got out, I went behind him and found the white and blue wrap of the suboxone 8mg/2mg.

I'd never heard of it. Googled it and confronted my boyfriend about it and he thats when he told me the surgery story. But I didn't really believe him. One day, I don't know what started the conversation but he was telling me about "free ball". I ask what it was and he told me: "it's the best high you can ever have in your life. You mix..." I can't remember but I think heroine and something and shoot it I guess. I ask if had done it before or done heroine and he answered no. But the excitement and "intensity" in wihich manner he talked about it was telling me the opposite. I have never shoot needles and doesn't know anything about it. And maybe that's why he thinks I would judge him.

He is from Illinois/Indiana border kinda. From research I've learned that it's the area in the US with the worst heroine epidemic. So many people are heroine or prescription pills addicted so I suspect that he was one or the other at some point. And that's what has led him to suboxone.

We've been together for almost 2 years now. In the beginning it was great friendship and relationship. Started a year ago he has been dealing with very stressful family problems and slowly he started to change. He was the guy that I could argue with even when I was trying. He was patient with me, caring and kind. Now he get angry all the time, to the limit of rage. He argues with everybody everywhere. He is verbally abusive, had selfishness close to narcissistic behavior. He has fits of rage and scared me a few time by acting physically threatening. It's impossible to talk to him because it's never him but the world him wrong. He put is bad behavior on me,because I did something wrong supposedly. He is extremely paranoid.

When I met him he was splitting his film in 2 dosage: 1half am the other afternoon and the 2mg of xanax in the evening. A few months later, im not sure when, he was splitting the film in 4 and taking 4times in the day and his 2mg of xanax. Last, 2months ago, he told he that he start cutting his film in smaller pieces so that he can take a dosage every hour.
I have never done opiads so I couldn't see the signs of the addiction, even if they were fragrant. I started suspecting that he was abusing his medication because of all of those changes. He is literally a different man but every time I have try to talk to him it ends up with, I did something wrong to him and that he is the victim when he is the one victimizing me.

He is the love of my life but I can't help him. I feel so helpless I don't know what to do. He doesn't see a problem. But for me It's so bad the point that I am ready to walk away, for myself and him. Because it's unbearable and emotionally painful to be around him. And I love him to much to be a accomplice and unablure in his road to self destruction I love him too much. I can't and will not watch waste his life away. I will rather walk away from him.
What can I do? how can I help him? Can I save this relationship?
this is my last hope
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Posted: September 17, 2017, 4:27 PM


Posts: 633
Joined: April 4, 2016



Loving welcome....

When my daughter started playing doctor with her suboxone meds, that was a sign that she had relapsed or was relapsing. Whatever the correct tense of the verb....net net she was back to using heroin. At first it wasn't a lot of heroin.... it was much more suboxone. But over time the recipe or mix or percentages changed so that she sold all of her subs so she could buy dope. Your bf may be doing this too, or may just be on this slippery slope. Either way.... here's the bad news: there is nothing you can do to control or prevent his use, or relapse. This is HIS monkey.... alone. And this is HIS show. Until HE is ready to change, until he is ready to commit....until he sees, feels & believes that he has a problem....he will continue playing with his addiction. No matter how wonderful... loving.... beautiful ...or articulate you are, you can't love, argue, reason or rationalize with his addiction.

Addiction thrives on ignorance, fear, silence and guilt. Getting educated re addiction in general and getting support for you are necessary for you to battle this disease for you. You can google... read the stories here.... post here.... read on this site "Will you Learn to Say No", "What Not to Do," and "Ways Family Members Can Help".... join a FB addiction group..... go to AA/NA meetings. Make sure HIS addiction doesn't consume you, too.... Learn to detach with love and not enable. Segregate all money and credit. Protect your bank accounts, credit cards & credit score. If he is using, the dope will hijack his brain & justify selling your jewelry, writing checks, pawning your electronics & maxing out your credit cards. Finally, no matter what.... love yourself as much as you love him. Take care of your physical, mental, emotional & spiritual health.


One thing jumped out at me. You mentioned he has acted in a threatening or bullying manner . Whether he is an addict or not, if he is abusing you in any shape, form or fashion.... LEAVE!! He doesn't have to be punching or slapping you to be abusive. Abuse comes in all different flavors... from stalking, to emotional abuse, to threats to kill you, to rape, to harassment, to belittling you. But two things are always the same....Domestic violence is about power & control. Often times dope.... added to power & control... ratchets things up & amplifies everything. My concern is your safety.

Hope something in here is helpful. There are others on this Board who are addicts (whether recovering, recovered or in active use) and have significant others.... and then there are those that are spouses, partners, girl/boyfriends of addicts. I'm sure they will be on shortly.... and can give their perspective & advice.

Sending bear hugs.... and prayers,
Lynn
Xoxo

This post has been edited by hurtingmom on September 17, 2017, 5:02 PM

--------------------

I forgot to read the fine print, when i signed up to be your Mom. I thought it would be smiles & hugs and quite a lot of fun.

I didn’t see the part about addiction, mental illness, pain, hopelessness or despair. I didn’t know life could be so flipping unfair.

But I now see something in the fine print that I didn’t see before. It also says to survive your addiction, I must love me more.


In Loving Memory of my angel, J. #forever21 #ihateaddiction #foreverloved
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Posted: September 17, 2017, 8:56 PM


Posts: 243
Joined: August 18, 2016



So sorry for what you are going through! A few thoughts...

While Suboxoe can be a great tool to combat opioid addiction, it is not a cure-all. Medication is a small part of addiction recovery. It needs to be part of a comprehensive recovery plan that includes therapy, peer support, mental health treatment, if needed etc. I am very concerned about his use of xanax and I find it amazing that a doctor who would prescribe Suboxone would also precribe Xanax. Not only is Xanax itself addicting, but mixing benzodiazepines (such as xanax, valium, Klonopin etc.) and opiates (the active ingredient is Suboxone, buprenorphine, is an opiate) can cause respiratory depression that leads to death. This is way more likely if he is also using other opiates.

You mentioned that he said he was using it for pain management. While buprenorphine is used to treat chronic pain, it is used at considerably lower doses than Suboxone for addiction treatment. The Butrans Patch is a buprenorphine transdermal patch used for the treatment of chronic pain. The STRONGEST it comes in is a 20 MICROgram patch that i worn for seven days. The TOTAL amount of Suboxone in one patch (that is used for 7 days) is .14 milligrams..so not even a full milligram over the couse of 7 days! The lowest dose of Suboxone is 2mg and usually those on it for addiction usually use between 2-24 miligrams......so waaaay more than for chronic pain! That alone should send up some red flags related to his ability to be honest with you.

I have to reiterate what Hurtingmom said. Abuse is not only physical. He has been verbally and emotionally abusive to you. He has used physical intimidation. You said he is the love of your life, but love NEVER includes abuse. I might be good to get some counseling for yourself. It will not only help you learn more about addiction, but it may help you figure out why you feel that his abuse is ok. You may say that it isn't right, but if you stay...if you continue to be intimate with him....if you make excuses for his behavior..then you are saying without words that it is ok for him to treat you this way. No One deserves abuse..EVER!

Most couples do not make it through addiction. Heck, most couples do not make it without addiction! Relationships are difficult. Trying to cultivate a healthy relationship with someone in active addiction is harder than trying to fly without wings!!! There is lots of ups, downs, frantic flapping and a huge crash that cannot be avoided!

I urge you to go see someone who can help you figure out a plan for yourself going forward. There is nothing you can do to change his addiction. All you can do is put yourself first. You deserve more than lies, mistrust and abuse!!
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Posted: September 17, 2017, 10:09 PM


Posts: 521
Joined: August 28, 2016



I agree with Hurting mom and lolleedee--

My 46 y/o addicted son has been in more abusive relationships than I can count. They have all loved him from the start as he was good looking, suave, loving and said all the things they wanted to hear, but underneath he was an addict. He was paranoid, possessive, non-supportive and all about himself and his love. That love wasn't the girl he was with at the time, but his love was his drug addiction and his DOC!!!!

The best thing you can do is take care of YOU! Nothing you do or say will change this whole scenario and no amount of abuse whether it is verbal or physical or any other form is to be tolerated!

You can't fix it or change it or did you cause it! Concentrate on you! That is the only thing you can fix or change!!

(((HUGS))) Lori
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