Mums Addiction
Posted: September 4, 2017, 5:16 PM

Posts: 0
Joined: September 4, 2017

After two years of trying everything to get her to admit it my mum finally admitted she is an addict this week and that she is ready to get help. She is going to the clinic tomorrow to get on a programme but has been withdrawing herself over the last few days taking Gabapentin to help her with the withdrawel process and the zopiclone and diazepan she is prescribed. I just want some advice on how best to help her, things to look out for and what to expect. I don't live with her but will be there to support her every step of the way. She is scared that if she goes in to rehap that they will stip her prescriptiom meidcation too and is scared of how she will cope without it and is talking about doing outpatients there support for this type of thing? I hope she goes in to inpatient rehab so she is away from any temptation and the bad circle of "friends" she is now mixed up in. Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks
Posted: September 6, 2017, 5:02 PM

Posts: 637
Joined: April 4, 2016

Loving and warm welcome . . . so sorry that the disease of addiction has touched your life.

I've never heard of an outpatient detox program. All the detox programs I know of are inpatient. I guess this is to protect the addict from the horrible physical consequences of withdrawal. From what I've seen from my addict daughter, getting clean is the easy part. Staying that way is much more difficult. After detox, the next step is generally some type of rehab. Again, from my daughter's experience, the first 30+ days are spent inpatient. This provides the addict with a comfortable, safe, supportive cocoon within which to learn to live life clean and sober. Personally, I believe that our addicts need to be in inpatient rehab for 3+ months. They didn't become addicts overnight . . . and it takes considerable time for them to learn to live life without using. While they are inpatient, they do not have to be concerned with the drudgery of regular life; everything is done for them while in rehab: their meals are cook, their clothes washed, they conform to the facility's schedule, etc. There is very little choice. The idea is that our addicts need to focus their whole attention on staying in remission. 24/7. They should not have to do, or think about, or worry about anything but their sobriety.

Once the addict "graduates" from this environment, then there is a step down in care. They allegedly no longer need 24/7 care . . . or to focus all of their energy and time on their sobriety . . .that they are ready to ease into "normie" life . . . with all of its ups and downs, stresses, worries and problems. This is when we started talking about outpatient programs . . . and them reintegrating with "society." There are Intensive Outpatient Programs as well as partial hospitalization programs. Idea here is that our addicts can split their attention btwn working, buying groceries, etc. and maintaining their sobriety/being in remission. The split changes the longer they are in the program. That is, in the beginning there is a lot of time spent in groups/individual therapy and meetings and less time on daily life . . .

You asked how you can support your mom as she tries to detox and as she fights to remain in remission. The short answer is that there is nothing you can do to help her. Addiction is her monkey and her show. I'm not saying that you should kick her to the curb. Quite to the contrary. She will need your love, guidance and support during rehab and afterwards as she establishes a new, sober life for herself. Let your mom know that you support her and her recovery (but don't show your support by giving money or enabling). Her addiction has already convinced her that she is worthless. But you can't battle her addiction for her or even with her. SHE has to battle detox and the daily battle to stay clean all by herself.

What can you do? Love her without enabling. Get educated about addiction. Get support for yourself: join Alanon or Naranon . . . find a therapist . . . keep coming back here. Please also read on this site "Ways Family Members Can Help" and "What Not to Do." Make sure that you take care of yourself: get adequate sleep, stay hydrated, exercise, take vitamins. And make sure that HER addiction does not consume you.

Sending big hugs,

This post has been edited by hurtingmom on September 7, 2017, 8:21 AM


I forgot to read the fine print, when i signed up to be your Mom. I thought it would be smiles & hugs and quite a lot of fun.

I didn’t see the part about addiction, mental illness, pain, hopelessness or despair. I didn’t know life could be so flipping unfair.

But I now see something in the fine print that I didn’t see before. It also says to survive your addiction, I must love me more.

In Loving Memory of my angel, J. #forever21 #ihateaddiction #foreverloved
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