Partner Addicted To Cocaine
Lorna
Posted: April 16, 2017, 9:07 AM







I need some advice. I have had real struggles in my relationship over the past 18 months. I couldn't put my finger on the cause but I recently found out that my partner has a cocaine addiction. He had a drinking problem before we met and like most relationships I didn't know how bad until feelings were involved. But as he was quite honest about alcohol it made things easier for him to stop. He hasn't touched a drop for 7 years now. We started to live a normal life and got engaged but things changed, he became moody and distant, he said it was depression. I feel like the lies have destroyed a part of me, I've been fighting a battle that I didn't know anything about. I dont want to leave him because I know he's a good guy but I also know he has to make the decision to stop. I need to know tips on dealing with it, if he goes out I feel anxious and then he comes home and it makes me sad to see him high. I've not dealt with things very well so far and I've probably pushed him away but I was shocked and find it very hard to get my head round why he started it in the first place. It's all I think about and it's driving me insane. We get married in 6 months and I don't know what to do!
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Posted: April 16, 2017, 9:19 AM


Posts: 60
Joined: March 13, 2017



Hon you should run. Run as fast and as far as you can. This is a nightmare.
I know some may not agree with me. I don't care. Save yourself, cut him loose. I wish I knew 14 years ago what I know now
I would have left my 15 year old son an orphan and saved myself. He's 29 now.
You have a choice. Save yourself.
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Posted: April 16, 2017, 11:17 AM


Posts: 1554
Joined: June 27, 2016



Postpone the marriage. dont worry about the embarrassment of it. many yrs ago a neighbor's daughter was engaged and then found out the young man had a cocaine addiction. she wanted to postpone the wedding, but others convinced her it would be OK. she should get married, they liked the guy. the marriage lasted 6 months. She was working, supporting herself and going to college to be a physical therapist - years of education to get thru - no joke. she didnt need his mess to deal with.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on April 16, 2017, 11:17 AM
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Posted: April 16, 2017, 12:38 PM


Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015



Hi Lorna, I have to agree with Sad53 and NY. This will be your life. Sounds like if he's not addicted to one thing he'll get addicted to another. It's a shame as you've been with him a long time now. Read all the posts you can on here as they will open your eyes to all sorts of why we advise you the way we do. Your partner could commit himself to a program like AA or NA, those help many. But it's whether he will stay committed or not. It's a hard battle for him and probably an on going one too! If he stays with cocaine he will be spending money quicker than he can make it. My daughter has been on heroin and crack/cocaine. You name it, she's tried it! I've been going through this since she was 17 yrs old. That's 18 yrs now!! She's 35yrs old and has nothing to her name! At one time she had everything. She's lost her house. car, license,jewelry, dogs, her boyfriend died, OD'd and the most important of all her child!! I have her child that I'm raising, have been for 7-8 yrs now. So you see how nothing is important to them when drugs take over their brains. You might be saying to yourself "but this is different, my partners not like that" and you'd be wrong! If you read on these message boards you'll see a whole trail of heartbreak from mothers to wives, husbands etc etc. it's a long road for the addicts themselves and God knows how hard their fight is when the cravings for drugs hit them. Some get there but others don't. It's just a really sad life your opening yourself up. We might seem harsh but we are telling you the truth. Sometimes you have to stop letting your heart think for you and think with your head. I wish you luck whatever you decide. Take care. Mary.
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Posted: April 16, 2017, 2:37 PM


Posts: 1
Joined: April 16, 2017



Do I give up now or try go through the battle with him? I don't feel like I just walk away from him as me and his kids are all he's got. I certainly dont want to stay out of guilt but I feel like I'd be giving up on him. He's been lost since his mum died just before we met, I had him addiction free for so long. I just don't know whether to give him a chance to fight this. It's a pain I never thought I'd have to deal with. My world has fallen apart and I'm just not coping.
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Posted: April 16, 2017, 4:37 PM


Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015



Hi Lorna, I know it's hard to walk away and I didn't know you had kids either. Are they your children too? What if you talked to him and both try to work out a plan. Try to get him to join an AA or NA work the 12 step program,get himself a sponsor and you join Al-non or both see a councilor. I'd also separate your finances so that if his life goes south with the drugs you won't be left penniless and in debt. Get your name on everything that's yours and his name off. I hope someone who's been where you are will come on and advise you Lorna. I'm dealing with a daughter on drugs so it's somewhat different but still heartbreaking. Take care, I understand it's hard and my heart goes out to you and they kids. Good luck, Mary.

This post has been edited by Mandm on April 16, 2017, 4:38 PM
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Posted: April 16, 2017, 6:08 PM


Posts: 60
Joined: March 13, 2017



Hi Lorna. Well since you're going to hang in there, let me be the first to welcome you to Hell.
I'm a charter member. There seems to be plenty of room for new members. You say you aren't coping. Well get used to it.
Lorna I will never say another word after this post, and I wish you well.
My parting words to you are CUT HIM LOOSE AND RUN. RUN RUN RUN. SAVE YOURSELF.
YOU DONT DESERVE THIS MISERY
TAKE CARE
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Posted: April 16, 2017, 8:23 PM


Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015



Hi Sad, Not a club anyone willingly becomes a member of! Wouldn't you agree? I would like to burn my membership and get out of it gladly! Good to see you Sad53. ! Hope you had a decent enough Easter without any drama. Mine was quiet which is unusual because usually when it's a holiday all hell breaks lose. But I won't count my chicken before they hatch because it's still pretty early yet. How's that cute dog of yours coming along? Take care Sad. Mary.
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Posted: April 16, 2017, 8:37 PM


Posts: 97
Joined: January 21, 2017



I read an interesting quote today that really hit home: You should not have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. It is a tough situation you are in, no doubt. Maybe if you could frame it up as your partner is walking away, instead of you. You, and others in your family have a right to a decent life. There is nothing selfish about that!! Be good to yourself
Libby
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Posted: April 16, 2017, 10:57 PM


Posts: 3
Joined: April 16, 2017



OMG please do not marry this guy. I agree with everyone else, run as fast as you can no matter how much it hurts. And I know it will, but in the end you will feel better because you have to SAVE YOURSELF. I lived it. I was married to a lying addict for 10 years and I let him f*** me up in the head royally. And now my son is an addict. If I could do it all over I never would have laid eyes on him. It was a miserable roller coaster of a relationship. YOU CANNOT SAVE HIM BUT YOU CAN SAVE YOURSELF! PLEASE DO NOT DO IT! GET AS FAR AWAY FROM THIS GUY AS POSSIBLE! He was a "great guy" also except for that pesky little drug addiction that landed him in jail, rehab and me almost in the nut house. Do not let your heart get in the way of your good sense. You are having doubts. LISTEN TO YOUR INNER VOICE, NOT YOUR HEART. Please, I promise you, if you stay with this guy you will the most miserable person in the world. Do not do this.
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Posted: April 17, 2017, 7:31 AM


Posts: 60
Joined: March 13, 2017



Hi Mary. Yes my Easter was so nice. No drama. My son is in rehab jail till May.
He actually called me yesterday. He sounded much better. Maybe he's coming to terms with
He's on his own. I again made it t clear to him he will live with all the consequences of his choices. So we'll see. This is about me now. Not him. It's up to him what he does with his life.
It's up to me what I do with mine. It was really nice not having a ruined Holiday. I could definitely get used to this. Mary I hope you are ok. What's up with you?
My puppy Duck 🦆 is so cute. Lol so much work though. It's like having a new baby.
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Posted: April 17, 2017, 1:17 PM


Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015



Thanks for asking Sad! I'm doing fine. I think I've got to the area where if I don't expect much I won't be disappointed. I almost died laughing at your post about having a charter membership. Sooo funny! It helps to have a sense of humor I think too and there's nothing more I like than a good laugh! So thanks for that even though you meant it to be serious! It was so true as well that's the sad part about it. Well Easters over with, hurray! Mine went quiet so that's always good. No drama! You take care Sad53. ((hug)) Mary🐥

Sorry I hijacked your post Lorna!🐰
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