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Posted: March 29, 2017, 11:09 PM
My daughter is 41 years and has been on meth for over 7 years. She is also type 1 diabetic. She is very violent and verbally abusive. We hv tried to get her into rehab but she refuses to go. We have custody of her son for the last 4 years he is 17. I am so worried about her. I know I am enabling her for letting her stay with us. But she has no one else. She hits me and her step dad. And we walk on tip toes around her. Her son does not want her here because of her being on meth. He says he shouldn't have to live with someone who does drugs. I love my daughter but we hv had so many altercations. She throws things. Breaks things. Hits us. And when we tell her to leave she comes back with I have no where to go. Or that she's a diabetic and she doesn't feel good. I hv just made her leave again. It was a terrible ordeal with her. My grandson broke down and started crying. He has been going through this for so long. It is unfair to him. Please. I worry she's diabetic and a meth user too. But what can I do. She won't help beret. I cry because I love her and I worry. Please give me some advise
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Posts: 640
Joined: April 4, 2016
Posted: April 7, 2017, 8:03 AM
So sorry Kat that your post has gone unanswered for so long.
Sending hugs, first and foremost. You are clearly a strong, resilient woman who loves her daughter greatly. And, you have a heart of gold for raising your teenage grandson. Your daughter should feel blessed that she has you for a mom. I'm so sorry that your daughter is being disrespectful and ungrateful. That must really hurt . . .being called vile names by your child . . .being used as a bull's eye by your own flesh & blood. . .especially when all you are trying to do is help. . . your intentions are good. "Help" is the operative word here. I wonder if you are really helping your daughter at this point in time by allowing her to live with you or letting her come back bc she claims she has no where to go. Hmmmm . . .addicts are very resourceful folks . . .I know that my 21 yo daughter moved 1,000 miles away (originally to go to detox/rehab) and found ways to put a roof over her head, food in her stomach, clothes on her back and dope up her nose . . .it was easier for her to do so when hubby & i were sending her an allowance and paying her rent. . .but . . .she continued to do so even when we detached with love and stopped enabling!!! Please read on this board "Ways Family Members Can Help," "Let Me Fall By Myself," "Will You Learn to Say No," and "What Not to Do" and ask yourself if you are helping or enabling your daughter. Are you & the family safe? I'm concerned about your daughter's violent behavior. . .especially bc it is fueled by drugs. Please do whatever you have to to keep all you all safe. Here's a high 5 and a hug for putting her out for her bad behavior!! I know it was hard . . .but I'm glad that you took a stand and said, "I'm not going to take this anymore." Ok . . .I'm looking at it this way: if your daughter was 5 yo and threw things or gave you back-talk, what would you do? Would there be some consequences (or punishment) for this bad behavior? For me. . .I'd probably give her a time out, at first. And, if it happened repeatedly, I'd figure the time outs weren't working and would try something else to curb this unacceptable behavior. Progressive discipline. Your girl is now 40+ yo . . .and lives in your home . . .her behavior is not only unacceptable but is frightening for you, her son & your family (understandably so). Please think about setting boundaries and rules in your home . . . spell out the consequences for violations . . .and enforce them. No matter what!!! No matter how she begs . . .or what she says. Here's another thought. It seems that you fit the textbook definition of a victim of domestic violence. . . and may need the protections of the court to make this stop and reclaim your home and your sense of peace. If and when you need, assuming you are in the States, you can call 911, go to the police or a court and obtain an order of protection. With an order, she will be barred from your home & if she returns or otherwise bothers you, she will be arrested. ( You may not be ready to go here today . . .that's ok and perfectly understandable. . .just wanted to plant the thought in your mind if you ever needed it.) Sending hugs, Mama. Wrapping you in prayer. Hang in there. You are not alone . . . This post has been edited by hurtingmom on April 7, 2017, 8:25 AM -------------------- I forgot to read the fine print, when i signed up to be your Mom. I thought it would be smiles & hugs and quite a lot of fun. I didn’t see the part about addiction, mental illness, pain, hopelessness or despair. I didn’t know life could be so flipping unfair. But I now see something in the fine print that I didn’t see before. It also says to survive your addiction, I must love me more. In Loving Memory of my angel, J. #forever21 #ihateaddiction #foreverloved | ||
Posts: 60
Joined: March 13, 2017
Posted: April 7, 2017, 8:15 AM
Hi Katarat. I'm so sorry. What a nightmare you and your family are going through.
My advice to you is CALL THE POLICE. press charges. She hit you. Maybe while she's sitting in jail she will detox. She'll also have food in jail. Please don't let your daughter hit you. How dare she hurt you and her son. You could tell the prosecutor you want them to put her in rehab. Stay safe. This post has been edited by Sad53 on April 7, 2017, 8:17 AM | ||
Posts: 529
Joined: October 15, 2016
Posted: April 7, 2017, 8:59 AM
where do you live? I mean are you in town or city or rural? can you get to meetings, you really need help with your daughter and addiction she brought into your house .. you shouldn't do this alone ! People on this board are in similar situacion like you and they can help with advice but you do need face to face support, others will suggest organizations which i cant as I am based in UK . You cant continue like this in not fair on you and especially on your grandson , please seek help so you can break this hellish circle you live in.
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Posts: 529
Joined: October 15, 2016
Posted: April 7, 2017, 9:13 AM
i had talk to good friend who lives over there and she said National domestic violence hotline is open 24/7 to chat or provide assistance 800 799 7233... plus you have websites for women who experience domestic violence
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Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015
Posted: April 7, 2017, 11:42 AM
Hi, What your doing is enabling her to be comfortable in the Meth lifestyle. Just like I did with my daughter for 18 yrs of heroin,crack/cocaine use. If I had only known 18 yrs ago what I've learned on here. I would maybe have my daughter sober and drug free right now! The more you help them the longer you enable their drug use. Stop helping her and let her live her own life. Your not responsible for her anymore, she's an adult! When their left to their own means they have to grow up and learn to be responsible for their own choices. Let your grandson have some peace in his life. I'd throw her out and if she hits you call the police and charge her. Stop shielding her, look how she's treating you, your husband and her son. Sometimes you just have to put your feelings aside to make yourself do the right thing. Good luck! Mary.
1) You didn't cause this! 2) You can't control it! 3) You can't cure it! Only she can! This post has been edited by Mandm on April 7, 2017, 11:49 AM | ||
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