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Joined: December 11, 2016


Posted: December 11, 2016, 9:44 AM
Hi
I have recently found out my partner has developed an addiction to cocaine. Im deverstated. He has lied to me so many times that i don't believe anything he says. He has been going to a meeting every Wednesday for the past two weeks and last Thursday night he phoned me to say he needed closure and after that he wouldn't do it again but i don't believe him. He gets angry when i question him about things. I don't know how to deal with this. Its like living with a stranger. The only thing keeping me going is he says he knows he has a problem and wants to stop. Has anybody for any advice on how i should deal with him because getting frustrated doesn't get me anywhere! X


Posts: 4
Joined: August 4, 2016


Posted: December 11, 2016, 3:38 PM
Stop listening, best thing you can do. They manipulate you in ways you can't even understand. My BF is an addict and for 3 years I heard a lot of bull s***, a lot of lies, a lot of excuses, I'm sorry, I'm different, I don't want to live like this. I believed him, but I also always questioned everything, I questioned him, one thing would be off and I'd snoop through his phone or belongings, sometimes I found something sometimes I'd didnt, but I was always exhausted, putting myself into a state of panic and paranoia, because I loved him and I knew he would better than what he was doing to himself. Support him, and love him, but detach yourself from the situation, my boyfriend has been clean now for 6 months and honestly our relationship is worse now than before, it's really hard being with an addict, the crazy turmoil they put us through, suddenly our lives stop as well because of their addiction, all the hurt and pain we are put through and they will never realize it or acknowledge, they will say things that make you feel better but their actions are the opposite.

I would tell you to just move on and be with someone else, but I can't because I'm in the same boat, we are going on 4 years and it's difficult to walk away, to just leave. I love him and I'm a fool to still be in this relationship. If I had known what I know now 3 years ago, I would have broken up with him and moved on.



Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008


Posted: December 11, 2016, 4:07 PM
I suggest perhaps going to Alanon or Naranon meetings for u both if you plan on staying...learn to detach...and learn you didn't cause it...can't fix it and can't cure it...stop trying. ..there is nothing you can do to help prevent or stop us from using unless we decide we want to...the more you "help"...talk...argue and keep engaging...providing us with a place to stay...keep enabling...the less likely we will listen...or find the desire to want to stop...perhaps read some of the threads here

ps...working a program is challenging. ..it requires a lot of focus..it's not all about stopping the drug...that's the easy part...it's learning to live without it...learning new behaviors...working it....that is hard ..and it takes what it takes ...it's not a magic wand or cure....it's a process...and one we have to work for life...and learn how to work...working your own programs would help you perhaps understand better..

Peace
Con

This post has been edited by constantine on December 11, 2016, 4:15 PM
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