Round 3 With A Whole New Addiction
Posted: October 29, 2016, 9:34 PM

Posts: 0
Joined: October 29, 2016

I am sick with worry. My daughter became an addict at age 25 after a boutique of severe post partum depression. Started out with xanax. Graduated to pain pills to I've heroin. She was in and out of rehab. Cleaned up for 3 years, then her marriage fell apart and she moved in with me "temporarily ". That was 18 months ago and recently found out she's been using methamphetamine iv, plus massive amounts of xanax. She just got home from 12 day detox the day before yesterday . Her 4 year old is here with me. And already she is using again. I can tell by her behaviour so I checked her bedroom and found paraphernalia. She is now 35 years old. I am going to make here leave when she gets home tonight, but won't allow her to take her daughter. Any advice would be appreciated!
Posted: October 29, 2016, 11:31 PM

Posts: 971
Joined: May 14, 2015

Really ugly situation..that's going on..I'm sorry your dealing with. My biggest concern is what happens when your daughter comes home. Do you or she have custody? If she does I worry it could turn into a disaster if you try to keep your granddaughter..I'm sure your aware of that..but at same time how to prepare. Maybe your daughter likes the free time so hopefully won't be issue in you keeping her...try reposting in family/friends of addicts and im sure someone will have better advice then me..but yes definitely stick to your boundaries with not letting her stay. Best
Posted: October 31, 2016, 8:57 AM

Posts: 635
Joined: April 4, 2016

I'm a mom of an addict. While my 21 yo daughter doesn't have kids, we were not tolerating or supporting her addict life style. We gave her a choice: rehab or the streets. In either event, we gave her 24 hours to pack and leave our house. . . where she went was her choice. (She found all by herself a place and went to detox/rehab.)

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Loving an addict child requires the patience of a saint, a heart of gold and thick a$$ tough skin. Don't give in! I'm glad that your grandchild is with you and is safe and sound. Thank God for you!!!! Marykat is right. . .if your daughter makes a scene when she leaves and appears to be reasonably sober/sane, since you are a legal stranger to the child, she may be allowed to take the kid. It sounds horrible but hopefully she will be so dope crazy, irrational or something that no cop in their right mind would allow her to take the child. . .for fear of the child's safety. That is, right now everything is based on how nice, compassionate and astute the officer is.

I suggest that you take control of what you can. You don't have control over your daughter or her addiction. You do need to get control of your house again. If that means your daughter has to go . . .for your peace of mind, for the sanctity of your home, for your safety, for the best interest of your grandkid. . .it's a shame, but she has to go!!! This is called detaching with love, giving tough love and not enabling. It is hard. Lord knows it is hard but it is the best thing for you, your daughter and your grandbaby. Read the post here, What Not To Do.

You also should take control of the situation with your grandchild. But first I've got to ask . . What about her ex-husband/the child's father? Isn't he interested in taking temporary custody of his child, especially in these circumstances? If not, that will make your life easier as you will be the closest blood relative who is responsible and wants the child. Today is a good day to go to court and get the process going so you have legal rights to your grandbaby. You may be able to see a judge on an emergency basis because your daughter is about to be homeless, has no where to take the child, no visible means of support, no stability, etc. Or, you may want to contact your version of DYFS/DCPP. You don't always have to claim abuse or neglect or ask them to do an investigation. Sometimes they have special stream-lined programs for grandparents to get guardianship or custody.

Also, take control of you. You can't change your daughter. But you can change how you react and relate to her. You can also take care of yourself. You must take care of yourself -- your health, your emotions, your sanity -- for your grandbaby.

Good luck! Be strong. Let us know how things go. Keep coming back. We are always here to provide support,feedback, encouragement and sometimes a good swift kick . . .but it is all said with love and a view to helping each other through this hell known as addiction.

Sending a huge hug!

This post has been edited by hurtingmom on October 31, 2016, 9:01 AM


I forgot to read the fine print, when i signed up to be your Mom. I thought it would be smiles & hugs and quite a lot of fun.

I didn’t see the part about addiction, mental illness, pain, hopelessness or despair. I didn’t know life could be so flipping unfair.

But I now see something in the fine print that I didn’t see before. It also says to survive your addiction, I must love me more.

In Loving Memory of my angel, J. #forever21 #ihateaddiction #foreverloved
Posted: October 31, 2016, 10:00 AM

Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015

Hi, MaryKat is right! Watch out because she can use your grand daughter against you. I should know as my daughter has done it with me over and over again! It's not easy to get custody that I can tell. We went to a lawyer and they want $5,000 retainer fee before they even take it in front of a judge. So it's not all cut and dry. Good thing is though you can get your first appointment with a lawyer free!! My daughter (34) would tell me "throw me out and I will take my daughter with me" it's scary. Your hands get tied. The cops will tell you, I'm sorry but she's the mother and there's nothing they can do to help. So get advice and don't let your daughter know what you plan to do. Maybe you'll be lucky and she'll sign over custody. But the kids are used as their money source. My heart goes out to you. You'll be alright though, you just think your losing your mind but your stronger than you think and when push comes to shove ( so to speak) you'll find you can suck strength out of every part of you and become your own super woman. Good luck and be strong. We're all here for you. Mary.

This post has been edited by Mandm on October 31, 2016, 10:02 AM
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