What Can I Do ?
Pleasehelp
Posted: October 12, 2016, 12:58 PM







Hello,

sorry, this might seem kinda long but i don't really know how to put it.
I've been thinking a lot about this and i think i should really ask for help.
I got into a relationship with my best friend a few months ago, i knew him for several years, we're both 20 and he's been struggling with a meth addiction for a long time, i think ever since i knew him.

He was really young when it started and he's been trying to get sober but it's really hard and he already tried support groups but it didn't help. He really hates talking about it but when he does, he's usually very depressed, saying he hates himself or that he's afraid i'm going to leave him and it takes me a lot of time to calm him down and get him to believe that i won't. He also tells me a lot about how hard it is to resist especially the first week after a recent use.

He's been opening up about it a little, telling me how he feels and also telling me when he's craving it. He's really trying hard but he seems so exhausted, both physically and mentally. I worry a lot about him, not only when he's high on it but when the effects wear off too because he gets suicidal thought sometimes, it really drains him. I really want to help him but i don't want him to feel like i'm forcing things on him or like i'm the great savior of the day.
When he stays sober for a while despite his cravings, i usually tell him he should be proud of himself for that, no matter what i did to help.

It seems to work some times but lately he's been craving it really bad, he does it for several days, stops for a day or two and then he gets really depressed and starts doing it again. I usually know he's been doing it because he tells me he "f***ed up".
I know i can't do much for him because he's the one with the addiction here and i've never experienced that but i want to know how to react better when he's high on it because so far, i've just been staying around to make sure he's okay, i'm afraid i'll make it worse if i try to do something.
He gets really paranoid and tells me he sees people running to him, looking at him out of corners or standing next to him.

Is there anything i can do to help him ?
Would it make it worse if i try to interact him while he's high ?
What can i do when he gets paranoid/depressed afterwards ? When he's afraid i'm going to leave ?
What can i do when he's craving it ? is there anything i can do at all ?
Is there any way i can help him stop when he starts doing it again ?

I really just want him to be okay.
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Posted: October 12, 2016, 2:38 PM


Posts: 288
Joined: October 12, 2006



Ask yourself WHY would you get involved with someone who is simply not capable at this point in their life of having ANY kind of relationship?


You should NEVER promise someone you will NOT leave them....you have NO IDEA the hell you are getting involved in. Why do YOU think he needs SO MUCH convincing and reassurance that you WONT leave?

You may not want him to think you are the savior of the day BUT thats EXACTLY what you think you are going to do....

I know you would like to think you helped...truth is you didn't. Only he can help HIMSELF.

Why in the world would you want to be around someone who is high? To know how to react? That is complete insanity...Thats not HIM you are having a relationship with...its the METH. It is DANGEROUS as hell for you to put yourself in this position...he is seeing s***...s*** thats NOT REAL...what if he SEES you coming at him with a knife? Your staying around just to make sure he he's okay...he got along just fine before you my dear, and he will continue one after your gone.

THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO FOR HIM...when he's high...when he's not...when he's craving...when he's depressed..to make him stop after he's used.

We all want to be okay...unless he gets into recovery of HIS own free will he hasn't got a chance in hell. I know you think you can save him....we have all been there....Have you READ ANY OF THESE OTHER POSTS...prior to posting your story?

The big question here is why do YOU feel the intense need/obsession to FIX someone, instead of engaging in a healthy, equal , relationship?

This post has been edited by jjenakabc on October 12, 2016, 2:40 PM

--------------------

JEN

I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power,love and a sound mind.
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Posted: October 12, 2016, 8:29 PM


Posts: 521
Joined: August 28, 2016



Jen is right on--please heed what she is advising! My son is 45 on meth and his paranoia and behavior is alarming. He has threatened us and his exgirlfriend. He has said he wants to see me get hit by a truck while he watches. He has said he wishes I would die. He sees people all the time that aren't there and thinks cops are following him and spying on him and looking in the windows and taking pics of him.

Your safety is a t risk and you cannot help him or fix him or change him or protect him!! Only he can change himself!!

Attend a Narconon or Alanon meeting and get some help for you because if you don't he will drag you down into hell with him or hurt you!!

Listen to the advice on this forum.. The people here care and are seasoned in these matters.

Praying for you and that you make wise choices before it is too late!

Lori
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Posted: October 12, 2016, 9:33 PM


Posts: 1905
Joined: October 23, 2011



"he already tried support groups but it didn't help"

What support groups did he "try" ?? .....

He is just "mid-way" into his addiction. Hurting... but not hurting enough.

When he is ready (if he is like me) he won't "try" - he will commit to recovery.
He'll know if he doesn't he'll die.

You can't DO much except fix yourself -
get some help to get your head on straight.

Good luck.

Bob

--------------------
Serenity Prayer
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.


Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous

Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line:
Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf


AA's HOW IT WORKS:
Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf


NA's HOW IT WORKS:
http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf


----------------------------------------------------------------

--- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity.

---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

... I need AA more than it needs me.

--- I fight recovery tooth and nail....
I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural.


...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know.

---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it.
Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it.


--- I didn't have a very happy childhood
but I sure am having a long one !


---Dry since 1989
working daily on getting/staying SOBER.


---If you want to drink, that's your business
...If you want to quit, that's AA's business.


... Tell me, I'll forget;
... Show me, I'll remember;
... Engage me, I'll understand.


---Most problems are psychological.
Most solutions are spiritual .


"If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego."
--Richard Rohr


WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do)
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Posted: October 13, 2016, 7:13 AM


Posts: 288
Joined: October 12, 2006



Wow ...that is good! Midway in addiction..hurting but not hurting enough...spot on!


--------------------

JEN

I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power,love and a sound mind.
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Posted: October 14, 2016, 10:58 PM


Posts: 1545
Joined: June 27, 2016



you could both go to meetings NA and Nar-anon, and talk about recovery instead of meth. he should talk to a professional who is qualified in addiction therapy. sounds like he has a lot to talk about and you are not a professional. therapy, recovery, your relationship should be separate. at this point you are part of the People, Place, Things. You are part of the addiction, part of the triggers.

reading and answering posts tonight is giving ME insight to my own situation. my own question - I I can not help, what can I do? ........ If my son wants recovery, HE has to go to meetings. it is my job not to enable, but to suggest he go to meetings. there he will find the help he needs from others who have been through it. and he has to keep going, and going, and going.


This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on October 14, 2016, 11:10 PM
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