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Posts: 3
Joined: September 10, 2016

Posted: September 10, 2016, 10:30 PM
Hello, this is my first time ever posting in something like this but I feel I need to talk to someone. I have been with my husband for almost 10 years since we were kids we now have two young children and another on the way due in just a couple of months. My husband has had a problem for years but the thing is it comes and goes everything in our lives is so perfect when hes not using or drinking for many years. But every time things really start to look up he gets a good job and starts bringing money in he gets drunk and goes on a binge. Im so over sitting at home taking care of our children crying and praying wondering where he is the last time he did this though was the worst time ever he lost our house and car all in a day so I really thought that he had finally realized how bad it was and really decided to stop but here we are months later I am a stay at home mom and student looking for a job as well and he just landed a good job and the day before he was going to be promoted to manager and we were going to look at a place and a vehicle he did it again hes been gone for days took the money out of the safe at work and disappeared ruined everything again for $180 I just dont understand how he he can keep doing this to us and yet I always stay so he just keeps doing it hes been to rehab he missed our 2nd childs birth because of it and things were so amazing for a few months and then he just gave up on aa and hasnt been back since I love him so much but I dont know what to do Im trying so hard to make our lives and our family work and everything as simple as possible I just dont understand why. I know its not the case but to me I feel like we cant mean much to him if he continues to take money from our life that we need to take care of our children and ruin everything for them over and over again. And its not even the same problem it used to be crack and this time its Meth and I always stand up for him and he finally called me and talked to me for a few minutes and admitted he f***ed up again what am I supposed to feel or do. I just want him to get help and to be a family but Im so over living this way! I trying my best and I do nothing but take care of my children and go to school why does someone who can be fine for months at a time do this everytime. And why do I keep putting my faith and trust in him when he keeps proving Im wrong. Idk what exactly I expect to come from this post and sorry its long and ranting but i just dont know who else to turn to my uncle and dog died in the two days since hes been gone and these have bee pretty much the worst couple days of my life and I just dont know what to do he always disappoints me when I need him most yet when things are good they are so great and our children love him greatly and as I grew up with a s***ty father and then none for a long time I dont want that for them but I cant change him obviously and if three children and a loving wife who takes care of everything isnt enough what ever will be???

Posts: 120
Joined: September 1, 2016

Posted: September 12, 2016, 11:25 PM
Hi MS,
You are sure having a rough time of it with your spouse. Being the main caregiver for two little ones, having a 3rd one on the way and dealing with your husband is stressful for sure. It may not seem like an easy answer, or advice that you might not want to hear, but things aren't going to change until he wants to make a change. And it's something he decides that he wants and must do on his own. It's heartbreaking to hear that he missed his 2nd child's birth. But that just illustrates how strong his addiction is. To the left under most popular topics is something titled Let Me Fall All by Myself. Also, in this message board is a post titled "what not to do". Finally, there are support groups (Nar Anon or Al Anon) will also be helpful. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.

Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016

Posted: September 13, 2016, 7:45 AM
I have found that one of MY problems is to try to make sense out of what my addicted loved one is doing. There is no logic. that is why we can not wrap our minds around it. so stop trying.

Get things together for you and the kids. life with your husband can be great again when he stops using. put your effort into you. stop wasting your energy on something you can not control.
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