Wife Of An Addict
Posted: September 8, 2016, 12:47 AM

Posts: 0
Joined: September 8, 2016

Hi, I just need someone to talk to, I'm a wife of a meth addict. His been in his addiction for a year and a half maybe longer. He admits that his an addict but every time he uses we had a fight. Sometimes the fight will become violent. His always jealous and said that i have an affair when the truth is I have none. I am loyal to him. He always threatens to kill us if we leave him. I always tries to leave but he always tells me that if I leave him he will get worst and I'm the only one whom can save him.

I just don't know what to do. I have been physically and emotionally drained.
Posted: September 8, 2016, 8:44 AM

Posts: 288
Joined: October 12, 2006

The accusations of you cheating is fairly common in meth users...its the paranoia talking. We addicts also like to hold people "hostage" when are actively using , claiming we can't live without you....we will get worse ...die..or kill ourselves. Its a manipulation tactic to make YOU feel guilty and RESPONSIBLE for out bulls***. I suggest you go to Alanon meetings....they will help you get some clarity and hopefully you can move forward from there. You are in a very dangerous situation and at times its hard to admit this...we try to down play everything because we don't want to admit the actual reality of the insanity we are in or taking part in.



I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power,love and a sound mind.
Posted: September 8, 2016, 9:41 AM

Hi Ms Ambo,
I'm sorry for your situation, I've been there myself and know how overwhelming it feels.
The only think I haven't experienced from what you described is my partner saying he would kill me, I'm worried for your safety.
Please stop the fights when he is high, nothing good will ever come out of it. I know how frustrating and infuriating it is, but you have to control it and wait until he's sober if you want to discuss something. Every time you have a fight he feels justified to use or for having used.

To cause anxiety and fear are the two tools of addiction, they are more likely to get what they want out of us if we get anxious or scared. Try to keep calm, know that his actions are his choice. Get educated about the disease of addiction, noone caused it but only the addict can stop it, when they are ready to be honest. Nothing you do will change that, but you can influence by taking care of yourself. Look for help at Nar anon, we get as insane as our addicted loved one.

The accusations of infidelity, how very exhausting!? This drug causes paranoia but I think they use that to escape the real issues. My parter would say in therapy that he knew I never cheated but as soon as he uses the accusations start. Keep telling him you never been unfaithful until the day you are ready to leave.

I hope this helps a bit.

X Nina

Posted: September 10, 2016, 10:40 PM

Posts: 3
Joined: September 10, 2016

Hello, I dont have any words of advice but you are not alone. I love my husband more than anything and do nothing but take care of our children and go to school and literally dont even get a potty break or shower by myself yet I am "constantly" cheating. I also worry because he says without us he has no reason to live and am afraid his addiction will go from every once in a while to a constant thing. But every time he relapses he tears our entire lives apart. I dont know what we are to do but I sure hope God points us in the right direction and eventually we finally listen and end up in a better place!
Posted: October 9, 2016, 9:56 AM

Posts: 2
Joined: October 9, 2016

I've been with my husband since I was 18 years old. It's been over 13 years now we've been together. I feel like a child most of the time and that my husband is a over protective controlling parent. What makes it more difficult is that my father was an abusive alcoholic parent who was also controlling and over protective. So my husband being a crack addict and having his issues reminds me all too much of the situation with my father. It seems like my life is one long sad crazy soap opera. I've lost so much of the better parts of who I am as a person because the main character I've interacted with daily was always an addict. I can't maintain being optimistic, positive, or happy in the face of addiction. I'm not strong enough. I've really lost my hope in life for any stability or true happiness. I've lost it many years ago as a child and never knew it. I had a 3 year break from addicts from the age of 12- 15 but it didn't help to gain a normal life because I was in dcyf and no one loved me in a way to heal me. I only got a upgrade in food and clothing style. There was no upgrade in love actually it felt like a down grade. After that chapter, I met my husband and we came to submit our will to God together marriage and kids and all that stuff. But what I didn't know and his family never bothered to tell me when I asked about his back ground was that addiction was a major part of his parents life and his. All he grew up around was drugs and the problems they cause. Which is why I think it's crazy he chose to do drugs with an older peer at 14 yrs old. But that's neither here or there anymore. It's already done. Now fast forward twenty two years later. He's never had a career life, or college, or anything considered " normal " ....... just the daily chase to get high. I was pretty much alone in the world no REAL family and no real guidance either. So you can imagine how blindly I was walking along in life. Addiction is making my life miserable. His accusations, his neglect, his apathy though he says he cares..... It's all too broken for me. I'm keeping myself in a bad situation because of love. But why do I love him ? It's not money. He can't work to provide. It's not social status that's for sure. Nothing to take pride in addiction for. He doesn't show me affection how I want him to, he does it when how and "if" he feels like it. I'd never get away with that on him. What bothers me the most is how he's free to be the broken addict and mess up but I have to love him and accept him as is, if I want to be with him. But yet "I" have to be this perfect person and never even blink the wrong way or I catch hell from him. I'm not a Saint. Especially not after how my heart and mind have been tarnished and corrupted from the stress and anxiety. I have never even worked all these years. It's difficult for me to function like a normal person because often I get depressed and hopeless. Maybe I love him because I'm used to him and have 3 kids with him ? All I know is my love is from God because if he didn't share my faith I wouldn't have tolerated him this long. His addiction places too much stress on me to gamble leaving home for extended periods of time. I'm afraid of what will happen while I'm gone. Happen to my home, my kids, my belongings, my sense of peace of mind through security. It's gotten to a point where I don't have social skills or work skills and I'm always feeling like no one likes me and that I'm not wanted around in places because I don't fit in. I don't even want to receive gifts or money because I hate how addiction snatches away every little piece of anything valuable I get my hands on. Just as much as my husband's addiction has limited him, it had limited me as well. We've tried so many programs that were in patient but he won't stay long enough. We do out patient now but there's no way to limit or control his actions and he's free to get access to drugs. He will do drugs on his meds too and usually stops taking the meds all together. I'm so sad because sometimes I see the person who he really is peeking through crying out to be freed. But the monster shoves him back down and quiets him. I hear the people who tell me I should leave him. Okay, kick him out then what ? Cry be weak and let him back in. Been there done that plenty of times. I wish I would find my own strength to live and prosper. I have kids. I want to give them a fair shot in life. I can't when I'm a broken spirited mess. I need to become that Phoenix and fly high out of my own ashes. It's hard though. No one to talk to cuz no one understands and my husband doesn't want me talking to anyone or joining any group.
Posted: October 23, 2016, 4:27 PM

Posts: 4
Joined: October 22, 2016

Dear Caged Bird,

I completely understand the emotional and mental bankruptcy you feel. Different circumstances but same feelings. There no NarAnon meetings where I live and I have been unsuccessful in finding any Al-Anon or CODA groups that connect with me. I did recently join this and the online version of Alanon as a last resort that may suit your circumstances....

Warmly, Eden
Posted: October 23, 2016, 6:27 PM

Posts: 1609
Joined: June 27, 2016

caged bird - you said it all in a nut shell. you are the people/children who that have gotten neglected by society, government organizations, physical and mental health care...
I have not been in your shoes, but can almost imagine how trapped you feel. As with the other recent posts - a very real danger if you think or do anything outside of the box.

keep reading on line. know that you and your kids can survive. you ARE a survivor. start small steps to improve, that your husband may buy-into long enough for you to have a glimmer of a better life.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on October 23, 2016, 11:54 PM
Posted: October 27, 2016, 8:52 AM

Posts: 41
Joined: July 3, 2016

CB, how old are your kids?
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