Husband Is Addicted To Weed And Video Games Help
Posted: September 7, 2016, 7:22 PM


Posts: 4
Joined: September 7, 2016



Please, I need advice. I’ve posted on two other forums without any response so, please, if you could respond I would greatly appreciate it. I need support right now. This is the first circumstance in my life that has prompted me to seek the internet’s advice ….

My husband is addicted to weed and video games. I know, there are way, way, way worse addictions, but please hear me out. I work with court-adjudicated youth and I am around substance abuse all day. When I come home, my husband is high and tells me that I am wrong for caring so much that he is high. When we were dating, he knew full well that I didn’t like weed because the smell triggered the very intense emotions of my workday and it’s really not a lifestyle I enjoy. He wholeheartedly agreed. He has been sober for 2 years (one year dating, one year of marriage).

My husband has a lot of trauma in his background. He is former military and was discharged due to a medical issue sustained in an attack from his own unit. Since I have known him, he has been living off of social security and disability from the military and he makes twice what I make sitting in his chair playing video games. He has been institutionalized due to a misdiagnosis of bipolar (he is ADD) and suicidal tendencies immediately after his trauma (years ago). I’m afraid my past trauma led me to cling to him in co-dependency and I believed him when he said he was going to quit video games (World of Warcraft).

3 months ago his mom gave him weed because he said he was so tense and triggered about starting college for the first time. His mom, a very capable career woman, is dysfunctional in her personal life. Now he is high all of the time and been lying to me about it for months. I’m living with a 17 year old it feels like … his ADD prevents him from doing any housework/bills/groceries/etc., he blames me for being controlling and says that if he is going to be successful then he needs the weed.

I wish I could express how alone I feel. We don’t go to bed together. When we are intimate, he gets up to play video games after a while. He is high when I’m home. I don’t like this man. What can I do? How do I get back the man I married? I’m tired of fighting … he shouts that I should just get a divorce if I’m so unhappy … but I genuinely love him and want to work through this …

This post has been edited by Looking4Life on September 7, 2016, 7:32 PM
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Posted: September 7, 2016, 7:49 PM


Posts: 1905
Joined: October 23, 2011




How old are you two? Do you have children?

What treatment is he doing for his illness/disability ?





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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.


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NA's HOW IT WORKS:
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---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

... I need AA more than it needs me.

--- I fight recovery tooth and nail....
I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural.


...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know.

---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it.
Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it.


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but I sure am having a long one !


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working daily on getting/staying SOBER.


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Posted: September 7, 2016, 9:56 PM


Posts: 4
Joined: September 7, 2016



No children, we are both 27. He has tried a number of treatments, but honestly the VA treats him like a pincushion for medications. We have a new doctor (highly recommended) appointment set for October and he is going to see a PTSD therapist who I have seen for years and who is very good (on his own). I'm hopeful that he will continue to heal, but are there any other resources that we might not be aware of??? We tried talking to the pastor/family/etc. but nothing has seemed to help. It's very cyclical. Things will be okay for a day, a week, a month, but the pattern always returns.
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Posted: September 8, 2016, 1:38 PM


Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008



Have you tried the weed board here ? I'm sorry your feeling so alone and frustrated. ..im a vet too...have ptsd...and agree the V A can suck ...I don't even bother...find a good therapist. ..like u have....have you been to any message boards that deal with family members dealing with solders ptsd ? You might benefit talking to other spouses of soldiers and vets...?
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Posted: September 8, 2016, 5:48 PM


Posts: 4
Joined: September 7, 2016



Thanks Constantine, yes, I will try a spouse of vets support board. I need to find a community if my husband and I are going to make it. I hope your healing from ptsd continues each day.
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Posted: September 9, 2016, 8:57 AM


Posts: 635
Joined: April 4, 2016



I'm so sorry! You came to the right place. You will find support and love. We are all in this same horrible journey together...loving an addict.

Yes...I'll admit that I'm in that camp that believes weed is not in the same class as heroin, crack, meth...things that have a recipe. I believe it should be legalized. However, it sounds like your hubby is not functioning and hence is an addict. I understand and empathize w PTSD/depression and smoking weed to self medicate. But it sounds like it's not working. And Lord knows you don't want him to graduate to hard core drugs to get the relief he seeks.

What about a dual diagnosis program? Something that will deal with both the mental health issues and his addiction. If VA program sucks, can you do something without them? Is he in individual therapy now?

I should have started out by asking if he thinks he has problem. He may not. And you won't be able to convince him otherwise. Regardless of his perceptions, you think he has a problem. I suggest that you find a Naranon meeting to go to. You can't control him but you can control you. You will also get love & support there. And a hug from a live person. Take a little time every week to focus on you.

Thank your hubby for his service. (Thank you Con for yours, too)

Sending a huge cyber hug and saying prayers for you & your husband.

Lynn

This post has been edited by hurtingmom on September 9, 2016, 9:01 AM

--------------------

I forgot to read the fine print, when i signed up to be your Mom. I thought it would be smiles & hugs and quite a lot of fun.

I didn’t see the part about addiction, mental illness, pain, hopelessness or despair. I didn’t know life could be so flipping unfair.

But I now see something in the fine print that I didn’t see before. It also says to survive your addiction, I must love me more.


In Loving Memory of my angel, J. #forever21 #ihateaddiction #foreverloved
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Posted: September 9, 2016, 3:37 PM


Posts: 64
Joined: July 29, 2016



Looking4 life, That is good advice from Lynn and Con. I can't add much more than what they said. We DO have to take care of ourselves in all this turmoil to keep our sanity especially when the addict can't get or refuses to care what WE are going through. Keep in touch!! 💗
Barb
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Posted: September 9, 2016, 9:03 PM


Posts: 181
Joined: May 31, 2016



Hi Looking4life & everybody,

Finally getting back to the board! Been occupied , but you're all never far from my thoughts and prayers.

L4Life,

It's good you're on here. It has been my biggest source of comfort. My daughter 20yrold is a heroin addict.

I am sorry your husband was traumatized due to his service in the military & the attack that he survived. My daughter is bi-polar & so I can see how ADD could present that way. It doesn't just affect them, it affects the whole family. Do you have kids with your husband?

I know how addictive video games can be! My hubby played World of Warcraft for YEARS. It is HIGHLY addictive. He would play all day, every day he wasn't working. It is extremely frustrating when you feel like you're the only one working...not even helping with housekeeping, cooking, etc...

I don't know what to tell you, but to try to set boundaries, and see how that goes. It's hard when you feel like you're not being heard...or understood.

Just wanted to let you know you're understood & keep coming back.

You'll found loving, supportive people who will take the time to care. I know because it's what I've found here.

Will add you to my prayer list.

Love & God bless you,
Dee
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Posted: March 14, 2017, 1:58 PM


Posts: 4
Joined: September 7, 2016



Btw, as an update, I am now pregnant, which might just be the worst timing I have ever had.... he says that he needs the weed to function and spends all of his free time playing WOW ... this isn't an environment I want to bring a child into. He has been really inconsistent in his help with the pregnancy (I've been sick all of the time). Sometimes things are great and he will help tidy up after himself. Other times (like now) I have to beg him to leave the basement or do a load of laundry while he's down there.

I know this seems extreme ... but should I leave him? I'm miserable. I can't imagine raising a kid like this.
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Posted: March 14, 2017, 3:02 PM


Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015



Hi, You know what this guys like and he hasn't changed since the last time you posted. I would tell him to get rid of the gaming and the weed, straighten up and if he doesn't throw him out or leave. Hopefully you have a family that will take you in. Start now how you intend to go on.Good Luck, Mary.

This post has been edited by Mandm on March 15, 2017, 3:12 PM
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Posted: March 16, 2017, 8:34 PM


Posts: 529
Joined: October 15, 2016



its time to sit down and have "deep" conversation about life, want, who is where and what to do.. with you being pregnant is not only you 2 involved but 3 of you, your child is coming and as you said life you have now is not one you want your child to be brought up so compromise needs to be made mostly from his side. OK he likes to smoke well me to but he needs to cut down and smoke only outside of house and no more playing games or he can play at certain times..compromise as I said plus probably he has something to say about your behaviour and what he would like to change so again compromise , sit down and talk , let him hear your wishes and wants then he can say his then see what can be done. I would try to make it work but if your heart is not in it then make ultimatum or just leave(or kik him out) last thing you want is to be miserable pregnant women
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