A Cry For Help
Posted: August 24, 2016, 7:09 AM

Posts: 1
Joined: August 24, 2016

Ok, right, it's Dad that needs help. Help to understand how our beautiful son ended up in this cycle of endless destruction. Help to understand how to support a mum that's at her wits end. Help to understand what comes next . . .
I'm sure it's an all to familiar story of a talented son that got in with the wrong crowd, started smoking a little too much weed and more, nearly flunked school, dropped out of Uni, dropped out of a good part-time job, has overdrafts he can't pay back and so on. We've both tried to reason with him, talk with him, set boundaries but he simply doesn't repond. We've now entered a cycle of heated arguments and constant frustration, mostly between mum and son.
As a dad, maybe I see things differently, having been a bit of a bugger when I was young, but never to this degree. But mum is desperate to save him, cure him and have the "old son" back. This has resulted in a constant air of confrontation, arguments and shouting between mum and son on a daily, sometimes hourly basis, and yet nothing has changed. Mum gets upset, son shouts and me, well - all I feel i can do is consul mum and haved a chat with son, which never makes a blinf bit of difference. We've stopped supoporting him fiancally, except for his phone, but as we see his potential to support himself come to and end this month, I'm inclined to adopt a "has to learn the hard way" attitude and stop his phone contract as well. Is this wrong?
As a parent, a dad, this is something I simply never expected to have to deal with. His mum is far better at the whole "talking" thing but this leads to conflict and I simply don't know how to support my wife and help my son to see he is on the wrong path. Help!
Posted: August 25, 2016, 1:19 AM

Posts: 1
Joined: August 21, 2016

Whatever you decide to do, it will only be effective if you and your wife are on the same team. It will do no good to "cut him off" and then one of you give him cash or aid on the side. So, talk to your wife and decide what the two of you want to do and stick to it!
I would really recommend the two of you find a nar-anon group and attend meetings. I wish you the very best
Posted: August 25, 2016, 9:32 AM

Posts: 2
Joined: August 25, 2016

this sounds so much like my household. Son went off to college and we had to bring him home because of his drug use. Went though almost all of his money, and started selling his possessions. My husband has the same exact attitude you do, and I am like your wife. However, intellectually I know my husband is right, it is so difficult to see it through. We both do agree about not giving him money, however, I refuse to shut the phone off. I want that contact. My son was recently arrested and part of his probation is to complete an outpatient drug program through the courts. It is still very difficult. My husband is about over hearing me worry and complain about him. I, too, just want my old son back. How did this even happen??? I have started to try to convince myself that I lost that son a long time ago, and he's not coming back. So very stressful. His older sisters are also affected by his behavior. I just find it so hard to just sit and wait to see what happens. TIme will tell I guess. Maybe the difference between men and women, sometimes I think you guys have the better attitudes, or healthier attitudes...wish i could get there....
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