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Posted: July 11, 2016, 11:37 AM
Not really sure what I'm doing on here but I'm at my wits end and feel so lost.
My boyfriend of 7 and a half years is a cocaine addict and an alcoholic, I have tried everything in my power to help and prevent what it has come to and it is just getting worse and worse. I don't want everyone to think he is a 'typical druggy' as people often say because he isn't. He is the most beautiful, kind, caring and loving person, and anyone would be lucky to have him, but he has got himself into this mess and it has completely changed the person he is. Everyone says I need to just leave him but I can't, I have tried for the last 4 months to back off and I can't let it get any worse because I feel the next thing is getting a phone call that he is dead. He didn't grow up in a loving family, he grew up around domestic violence and being the eldest of 4 children.. He was the one that was beaten many times, he suffered with ADHD which made situations worse. To stress how bad it got and the embarrassment he was put through, there was one occasion when we were in his room his dad lost his temper because he couldn't use predictive text and kicked him in the face, giving him a black eye whilst I was sitting next to him! (We got together when we were 16). I should probably mention from the age of 14 he took ketamine, MCAT, Ecstasy you name it, he done it. He would disappear for days at a time and I wouldn't see or hear from him, this happened all of the time. He cheated on me and and used to get messages from girls that I was never confident enough to confront, because of the fear of losing him, so i don't know the true extent of the cheating. During the first year of our relationship, his mum constantly accused his dad of cheating and he would be so embarrassed as they would never hide the arguments in the middle of the night regardless of whether people were round. Eventually it came to light that his dad was having an affair and instantly moved an hour and a half away, cutting his kids out completely. His mum is a compulsive liar and pretended she had taken an overdose one night, which i called and ambulance for and it later come to light no pills were ever taken. His mum went off the rails and started going out all of the time leaving his 6 year old brother at home with us whilst she sniffed cocaine in the garden and went out drinking - later sleeping with one of his 17 year old friends. His mum then started meeting people from the internet bringing random men home - potentially putting her children at risk - and eventually met someone who lived away and has now moved in with him having has 2 further children. He has been completely cut out by his mum and dad they both moved opposite ways over an hour and a half each way. (Im telling this to stress how awful his childhood was - please don't think i am being bitter or making excuses for him, he has just had a rough time). Moving on.. My mum and dad agreed to him moving in with our family as his mum had moved away leaving him homeless and his relatives would not take him in. I helped him get on track set him up a CV and eventually he got a job and never missed a day of work! He had his own money and his confidence grew, over the next couple of years he changed his life around we and done so many things together, we went on our first holiday and made so many plans for the future. We did have some rough times (because of the cheating) and I will admit I have been awful at times accusing him of things that may or may not have been true. He used to get really jealous when we were out as I had a many male friends that i grew up with (I was a big tomboy as a kid). Therefore i stopped going out to stop him feeling that way and eventually cut off my friends and they got tired of inviting me out and me being a no show. Basically this has carried on ever since and I spent most of my days on my own or with him. But I was just happy he was happy. In the last 3 years I went back to college and applied to university as I wanted a better future for us both which i wouldn't of been able to do if i stayed in my job. I started studying midwifery at uni 2 years ago, moving an hour away whilst he stayed at my home (which he said he was happy to do). I come home every weekend or any moment I get spare to see him. Basically this has been the worst thing i could have done. Just before i moved i was finding empty bottles of alcohol stashed in random places around my room, which i would confront him about leading to arguments that he would deny. This went on for months and caused so many arguments.. He would also make promises to do things with me on the weekends and would go out and not come back all night, turning his phone off so I couldn't reach him. Leaving me on my own yet again. This has gone on ever since. During the last year the problem with alcohol has got worse and worse the more i tried to stop him the more he would do it. If i said i could smell alcohol and asked if he was drinking i would be shouted at telling me I'm making things up and accusing me of having bi-polar (which i certainly do not have). One occasion last year we were visiting his sister and he has popped to the shop, coming back with non-alcoholic drinks, yet he had made a pint of what looked like blackcurrant - which months later found out was a pint of wine. Driving me home later we managed to get home in one piece and the arguments continues. One night he popped out to his car and came back with blood down his arm? When asking what it was he said he got a nosebleed whilst in his car.. i stupidly believed this as he has always been prone to nosebleeds. Later that night I looked at him and he appeared to be sleeping but he had beads of sweat pouring from his forehead and I woke him up concerned as his heart was also racing. - He had been out to his car doing cocaine. A couple of weeks later i saw an email that he had ordered a set of pocket scales and wondered what this was for?? After a huge argument and hours of going on and on in his ear he told me he was dealing cocaine.. However he has seen £1400 in one week on cocaine - which he has used. Since this things have got so much worse, he was caught drink driving after drinking 4 bottles of wine after i had kicked him out of my family home because of the drugs. He was put on tag for 3 months and lost his licence for 2 years. Since then he constantly goes missing, turns his phone off, lies about where he is and where he has been, will get messages off of random girls then denies ever knowing them, the cocaine use is now at a point where he is being threatened by dealers and i don't know what to do. Sorry about the long story but I know people will think he's just a typical idiot which he isn't. Im so scared this is going to kill him or someone else will, he's on this slippery slope down and i can't do nothing to stop it! He's always telling me he will kill himself when i try ignoring him then I can't get on. I have just completed my 2nd year at uni and I can't face my final year with my life the way it is, its a constant struggle and I'm not achieving half of what i want to. I got him a job in my city that meant he could of moved in with me but he just didn't bother. He's always telling me the way he is is my fault because i moved and left him but he always has known that the only reason i done it was for our future. Please if anyone has been through similar tell me what you done to get through this? Im not coping at all I have tried counselling and the doctors and nothing is working. | ||
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