Beginning A Relationship
Posted: May 4, 2016, 5:24 PM


Posts: 5
Joined: May 4, 2016



i met a man who is as unique as he is kind. he is a recovering meth addict and i am impressed at the way he takes responsibility for himself and his choices. i have never abused drugs or alcohol but my mother is an alcoholic and drug addict.

i love this man and want to be with him. i am strong and loving and i have no illusions about changing anyone. i am privately worried about the challenges i face that i cannot see. i'm hoping to get some feedback from people who have experienced what i am describing.
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Posted: May 6, 2016, 7:29 AM


Posts: 635
Joined: April 4, 2016



Before I say anything, I need to know a few more things. Like, how long he has been sober? How did he get sober? Why? How long have you known him? Where is he in his recovery? Does he attend meetings? Have a sponsor? What's he doing to maintain his sobriety?



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I forgot to read the fine print, when i signed up to be your Mom. I thought it would be smiles & hugs and quite a lot of fun.

I didn’t see the part about addiction, mental illness, pain, hopelessness or despair. I didn’t know life could be so flipping unfair.

But I now see something in the fine print that I didn’t see before. It also says to survive your addiction, I must love me more.


In Loving Memory of my angel, J. #forever21 #ihateaddiction #foreverloved
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Posted: May 6, 2016, 11:45 AM


Posts: 5
Joined: May 4, 2016



he's been sober for two and a half years. he was arrested and did jail time and then opted to go into a program. he is now off parole, out of Task and is not attending any meetings at the moment. he has a sponser and he stays in touch. he lives and works in very remote areas. he is very honest and open about his addiction and takes responsibility for it. i have never heard him make excuses in the two years i have known him. i believe he is a risk worth taking. what is your opinion?
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Posted: May 9, 2016, 6:01 AM


Posts: 635
Joined: April 4, 2016



I'll be honest. I have mixed emotions.

The side of me that is a mom says, "Run Forest, Run!" Have you read the posts here (and on other sites) of wives/girlfriends loving an addict: always wondering if he is using again? Why would you want to sign up for always looking over your shoulder, counting your pennies, worrying?

Then again, the other side of me realizes that we all have faults, baggage and weaknesses and we all deserve a second (or third, or fourth) chance. This side of me is the one that has a 20 y.o. recovering daughter who I hope will one day find someone to love and build a life together. Her special guy will have to give her a chance and look past her heroin demon to appreciate the beautiful young woman she is and the loving wife/mom she could be.

All this being said, if he is doing what HE needs to do to stay clean and sober and you want to give him a chance, do so! But go into the situation with your eyes wide open. And protect yourself (e.g., your bank account, jewelry, credit cards) JUST in case. Good luck!

--------------------

I forgot to read the fine print, when i signed up to be your Mom. I thought it would be smiles & hugs and quite a lot of fun.

I didn’t see the part about addiction, mental illness, pain, hopelessness or despair. I didn’t know life could be so flipping unfair.

But I now see something in the fine print that I didn’t see before. It also says to survive your addiction, I must love me more.


In Loving Memory of my angel, J. #forever21 #ihateaddiction #foreverloved
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Posted: May 10, 2016, 1:42 PM


Posts: 5
Joined: May 4, 2016



thank you for your insightful reply. i know he is a risk, but i see a beautiful person with so many talents and i love him. i will take your practical advice about access to property. i so appreciate your response.
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