| post replypost new topic |
|
Posted: November 30, 2015, 2:59 PM
I am so confused, disappointed and just sad. My son is soon to be 21. He's used drugs since he was around 13 yrs old. Started with synthetic pot when he and his buddies could buy it at the convenience store. I think he's probably used everything out there at this point. He has legal issues and was court ordered to 30 days of inpatient rehab. Which I now know the court order doesn't mean much. I've tried to get him in a rehab since the court ordered it over 2 years ago. His deferred sentence will be up in 3 months. He finally agreed to go to rehab and was there for a week and walked out. He's facing serious jail time if he doesnt complete the rehab. This is a kid that at one time was loving and sweet and kind. He has now turned into a young man who lies constantly...steals...cheats and manipulates those who love him. He's destroyed my house in his fits of rage...has yelled and called me every obscene word known...I don't like the person he has become. He left rehab this morning after telling me lies about why he left. Told the rehab staff another lie about why he was leaving. He has no car and I'm refusing to go pick him up. I don't want him living with me again. I don't feel like I have enough strength in me to do this again. I have cried uncontrollably all day. I thought I was a strong person but him leaving rehab has just crushed what emotional reserve I had left. I feel like I'm not being a good mother by turning my back on him. But I feel like I just can't take one more thing. One more disappointment. One more lie. It's just not in me to do it again
| ||
|
Posted: December 2, 2015, 1:48 AM
When I read your post I found it eerily similar to my situation with my 21 yr old son. My son has been to jail, is currently homeless, we put him thru rehab two separate times and he walked out both times. He has thrown fits in our home if he didn't get his way with various things. He scares me, he's verbally abusive. He is my main stress in life, he has taken my joy and happiness and there are days where I feel physically ill due to the overwhelming stress caused by him. He is currently (thankfully) now living in another state. It makes dealing with him somewhat easier. I am struggling with no longer enabling him by sending him money but when he calls me and tells me he's hungry and cold, living in an abandoned building my guilt takes over and I give in. He called me tonight, giving me his usual sob story about how he's just smoking weed (usually it's meth) and is trying to get his life right and nerds money to go get yet another ID to replace the one he lost. As his mother I see my little boy who I desperately want to help, keep him warm and feed him but he's told these so stories before so I struggle to believe him. He is slowly killing himself and in turn killing me little by little. I don't know what to do. I have started to go to Nar Anon, but that's only once a week. Do I help or no??
| ||
|
Posted: December 2, 2015, 1:55 AM
I can relate to the sadness and pain you are going thru. There is only so much one person can take. I have had to turn my phone off and ignore many phone calls from my son when I have gotten to my breaking point. At some point they need to figure it out on their own and hit their rock bottom. I have thought my son was there many times but he doesn't appear to be there yet. I used to try to do whatever necessary to help alleviate any legal issues, talk to attorneys, make his payments etc, I've had to completely wash my hands of it and let it go. If he ends up with a serious record it's on him.
| ||
|
Posted: December 3, 2015, 10:54 PM
Sbeth, I'm not in any position to give advice. I'm still trying to figure this out myself. I completely understand your pain and confusion. My son has also "lost"his ID multiple times...gets "jumped" and robbed on a weekly basis, has called saying he's homeless, cold and hungry. I finally stopped giving him cash..and would offer to bring him food or come pick him up to bring him home. Sadly, he usually wasn't interested in those offers and would become angry and hang up the phone. Leaving me to wonder and worry if there was a tiny bit of truth in any of it and maybe he really was sleeping outside or hadn't eaten in days. I would stay awake all night ..making myself sick with worry. Then it would get better..id get my hopes up that maybe this nightmare was finally ending. He'd say he's only smoking pot...id see glimpses of my son...the sweet funny guy...then the very detailed ...although usually ridiculous lies would start back again. Disappointment and such sadness would hit me AGAIN. And the cycle just continues. He's choosing his path in life. And this isn't what I've chosen as mine. So I'm determined to get back on the path I chose before I took this terrible detour. Maybe someday my son and I will be close again...and maybe not.
I have finally reached a point of feeling that I just can't take anymore. It's not that I'm giving up hope for him. I still pray for him daily and believe that God can and will change him when or if my son accepts that. But, emotionally I am drained. Right or wrong I've decided I have to find my joy and happiness again. I can't do that when I am participating in his drama. I just can't participate any longer. Just know that your not alone...it sounds like our lives have been very similar. The more I read and search for support for ME. The more I realize what an epidemic this is. | ||
Posts: 1
Joined: December 4, 2015
Posted: December 4, 2015, 11:01 AM
My husband and I are also at the end of our rope. Our son, R, who will turn 27 in March, just moved out of our house after refusing to stay clean. R has been escalating in drug use since he turned 20--topping out with shooting heroin. He has been off heroin since June after we pulled him out of an apartment shooting up. His pattern is staying clean for a few months, being dedicated to NA, following MD orders, eating healthy and exercise and then within 4-5 months introducing drinking alcohol and not staying connected to NA. He states that drinking is not an addiction for him, but it always leads him back to drugs. We tried to get him into transitional housing where he would have accountability, but he refused. The most frustrating thing about R is his compulsive lying. This has been an issue pre-drug use, so I cannot say it is due solely to his addiction. He is a wordsmith, so he knows how to manipulate by appearing "respectful" and saying the right thing to appear on the right road to recovery. What I have come to understand is that this may be his life. I know we probably will not ever have an honest relationship. I know that he will probably die from his addiction. I know that I have not taken care of myself trying to save him and I won't do it anymore. I have given myself permission not to see him anymore. The last 6 years have been hell and I am not giving up one more day to his addiction. I went to a therapist a few months ago to get feedback and she told me something that helped. She told me that sometimes people in our life cause such pain that it cannot be repaired and it is healthier to walk away rather than die on the sword. She said that we are socialized to believe that walking away from our children is unthinkable, but she said we should consider it walking away from the addiction.
| ||
|
Posted: December 4, 2015, 2:46 PM
I, too, am experiencing a son with an addiction problem. It started out with opiates and I am afraid it may have led to heroin, when there was not enough money for the $300 a day habit. I believe my son tries to go off and on these drugs. He has been in rehab several times; I thought we had a chance this last time (summer) because he actually wanted to go. The problem is the place he went to in Ohio would only keep him there for 14 days. We all know that is just not enough time! Even the nurses told me they have nurses there that solely call on insurance companies to get longer stays for patients...to no avail.
Like the previous mothers, I want my son to have a normal life, but I just don't think he ever will. The lying is awful, the stealing horrible and he is already has a felony at the age of 23. Also, when he works he makes really good money (union wages), however that has been his demise, what has kept him on the pills. He never has any money, he could have bought a small house by now! But nothing I say seems to matter to him. Currently he is out of state working. Fortunately, 5 hours away. I haven't heard from him since he left a few days after Thanksgiving, because I called him out on his lying. He was suppose to meet me and pay me back for some money he borrowed when he came back home. His 24th birthday is tomorrow and I just keep telling him you get older and older you need to straighten out your life; these drugs take precedence over everything else. I wish there was a brain operation that can be performed on these kids to rid them of these horrible pill/heroin addictions. I don't think any of our kids want to live like this! My son is very likeable, good hearted, but a very sick person. | ||
|
| post replypost new topic |