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Posts: 7
Joined: August 22, 2015
Posted: August 22, 2015, 11:56 PM
Hello Fellow Parents:
I need help with knowing what to do with my addict son (alcohol, Xanax, etc.). He stumbles home every night, passed out, has lousy friends, and has spent a few visits to the ER after overdosing. Then, he goes right back to his drugs. Doesn't want rehab, I am utterly heartbroken and don't know what to do. What exact steps should we take? He is 24. He doesn't work and is not in school. I am afraid for his life. There is no help for him anywhere. Rehabs are 10K and he refuses to go anyway. What should we parents do? Please help. I am afraid he will end up dead. Thank you, Ingrid from San Francisco | ||
Posts: 271
Joined: June 27, 2015
Posted: August 23, 2015, 1:53 PM
Your from San Francisco. I'm from Los Angeles county. I hope . The other post have helped you . Especially the last one I sent you. I hope you try what I said. I know he will do nothing but give you the best advice possible.
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Posts: 674
Joined: August 17, 2014
Posted: August 23, 2015, 4:16 PM
Hi Ingrid, welcome
you are far from alone in the dilema you face - your son is an adult and you are enabling his addiction - you gotta put some strict boundaries in place and STICK TO THEM- tell him straight- get a job - go to school, do something productive with your life- or find another place to live- he is an adult- he needs to take responsibility for his choices and there consequences- tell him straight- he wants to take drugs thats his choice but you wont help him anymore - find somewhere else to live or clean up your act - why should he change when it is made easy for him- he has somewhere to live- food- clothes- everything he needs- and can come and go as he pleases - do what he likes - it is his choice to use- it is not your responsibility- you cannot "cure" him- he needs to do this for himself- he needs to want to get clean very badly- it is hard work- but can be done- the problem is he is unlikely to want to take a look at himself and his life choices when he can continue to use with no consequences- he needs to do this for him - because he wants it- the line between enabling and helping is very thin alot of people think they are being supportive and helpful when in fact they are enabling an addict and his/her addiction - sorry if this sounds harsh - but addiction is a serious and sometimes fatal disease - you need to be honest with yourself and with your son - all the best- | ||
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Posted: August 23, 2015, 5:24 PM
Dear Ingrid,
I would like to add to what Travelin' Man says. My professional friend often says that enabling has killed as many people as the drugs themselves. It sounds harsh and unfair, yet it is true. Your son needs to decide whether he has had enough. Each addict has a specific "bottom" and many addicts seek to unimaginable lows. You can help raise that bottom by allowing your son to realize the natural consequences of his behavior. Most addicts look back on their lives and can point to a specific time where they could have avoided disaster if only they took path A instead of path B. Your son might be at such a juncture. A good interventionist can help with this - please consult your nearest treatment center. Most important, please don't try this on your own. This disease requires a specific course of action. Please message back if you have more questions. | ||
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Posts: 7
Joined: August 22, 2015
Posted: August 24, 2015, 12:47 AM
Thank you so very much! Please see my other post too---URGENT help needed!
I don't know how I am enabling my son, which I have heard before. By giving him a bed, food, a home???? I don't see that as enabling. I do not give him money. However, we did tell him he has to work or be in school or both, or he has to find another place to live. He is supposedly signed up for school next month, somewhere. Will let you all know. This is hopeful! Or perhaps set a time limit for him to get a full time job, or else..... He has been drunk/wasted every day since he returned from the ER. It is beyond pitiful. I don't know what it will take for him to realize there is a life to be lived out there! Thank you for writing!!! | ||
Posts: 34
Joined: August 19, 2015
Posted: August 24, 2015, 9:31 AM
I've been where you are with my daughter years ago. I also would not have been convinced that giving a bed and food was enabling (I did it and now realize it helped her to choose to be an addict, she has no other responsibilities). It took me years and the rehab folks hitting me over the head time and time again, now I realize it is. Again, let me repeat, giving anything to an active addict is enabling. You are allowing him to use all his time and whatever money he can get to use and continue to do nothing else. We had to tell or daughter we would pay for treatment only, NOTHING else.... the best thing you can do for an addict is nothing (but love them and love doesn't cost you anything). I really think it would have helped me to go to Co-dependents Anonymous meetings early on. Please try one, just do an internet search for one near your home.
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Posted: January 31, 2016, 11:00 PM
This is my first time posting to this forum. My son is 26 years old and addicted to percocet. We got him in a Christian Rehab program 2 weeks ago. He spent 8 days there and left. The facility was in Louisiana and we live in New England. We told him he could not come back home nor would we help him get back home. He arrived back in town yesterday on his own and is staying with a friend. We received a text message along with a picture that he has a pretty bad case of the shingles. He went to the hospital when he got into town and they gave him a perscription. (not sure what yet) he does not have any insurance and the cost of the script is $200
We have remained steadfast that we will not help him in any way. However I am not sure what to do. Should I fill the script? Bring him back home until he is better? I don't feel it is right for another family to be subjected to the shingles however it was there choice to take him in. The family that took him in also has a son with an addiction problem who is currently clean so they say. The problem is after being lied to so many times in the last 6 months I don't know what to believe, We could certainly use some input Thanks Rayz | ||
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Posts: 271
Joined: June 27, 2015
Posted: February 1, 2016, 4:44 PM
Don't take your son back in. Once you do he won't leave or never get it through his head that you mean business. Hold your foot down. And about the script. Don't do it he will sell them for cash for dope or trade them for dope . Let him struggle alone. You'll be doing the best decision for him. Good luck.
-------------------- IT ONLY GETS WORSE BEFORE IT GETS BETTER.! | ||
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Posted: February 1, 2016, 8:02 PM
Babylove thanks for the reply.
I did fill the scripts but I did not give him the oxy. Only the virus med. and the prednisone and ibuprofen. I will not take him back in until he is at least 6 year sober and even then I would rather not. I met with him briefly today and got a look at the shingles. His whole lower body is one giant blister he has it pretty bad. Both legs up to his waste. Thanks again for the reply | ||
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Posts: 271
Joined: June 27, 2015
Posted: February 1, 2016, 10:32 PM
Wow sheesh Louise. Don't shingles hurt ? I heard they can come because of overly stressed. I'm gonna look into that. For my own knowledge.
Good luck to you. Hugs and ill keep you in my thoughts and prayers. -------------------- IT ONLY GETS WORSE BEFORE IT GETS BETTER.! | ||
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Posted: February 1, 2016, 10:37 PM
Yes they are very painful. But I can't give him the oxycodone so he has to tough it out.
Thanks for the prayers | ||
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