Breaking Chains
heliogalibus
Posted: January 3, 2021, 2:14 PM







I have been clean one week. I am very proud of myself, as I have smoked at least a gram daily for the past 3 years. I would wake up in the morning and instantly smoke a bowl or j; it didn't matter if it was a weekend or weekday, if I had work or an exam that same day. I have been fortunate to not suffer severe cravings.

My love of weed stems from my anxiety - weed just dulls me and makes me not care, so it would make the anxiety just go away. But I don't want to keep living like this. I am must decide how my life will play out. I will not be a passive actor in my life.
  Top
Posted: January 5, 2021, 12:57 PM


Posts: 76
Joined: October 6, 2019



Hello,
Congrats.
It's the best thing you can do for your mental health, hang in there.
  Top
heliogalibus
Posted: January 8, 2021, 6:09 PM







Hey thanks a lot.

I've been having these weird dreams lately, they're pretty violent and grotesque. I don't wake up feeling distraught or anything like that, but their vividness and how well I remember them are just striking.

Hope you are doing well.
  Top
Posted: February 26, 2021, 7:40 PM


Posts: 76
Joined: October 6, 2019



Hello, Hope you are doing well. Weird dreams are good signs of psychological recovery, I think it means you're on recovery track.
I unfortunately relapsed can't sleep and feel depressed already and it's just day 1. These days are so gloomy, I don't even think I can go on in life without it:-( this month also is more like a tolerance break. After that I'm really having thoughts like ODing is best way to leave this life.
  Top
Peace
Posted: March 3, 2021, 10:19 AM







I smoked weed for 11 years and the last 4 of those years I did it chronically. I smoked 24/7. I was always high for everything. I was a functional addict. Weed was my life. I never ever saw myself living without it.

I have been clean for 5 months and never felt better. The quality of my life is unimaginably better. I was living a fake dream.

The first few months were pretty hard. You face a lot of emotions that you buried when you were smoking. Don’t be afraid to feel them. It’s ok to feel uncomfortable. The frustration, boredom, anger and anxiety will not last forever. It will all fade away if you start facing those feelings. You can do that by:

1- meditating: wake up early each morning, listen to sounds of nature and focus on your breath. Let your mind go places and feels things. Use this opportunity to discover what made you start smoking in the first place. Don’t be afraid to feel.

2- writing: just write out everything you feel. Start writing your own story from the time you started smoking. Just let it all out with no limits. No one is going to see it but you. This will really help let your emotions out and get you to understand the underlying reason for why you started smoking

3-exercise: put some music on and jump on a spin bike or go for a run. Don’t do it to be fit, do it to change the way you feel. The goal here is to lose yourself in the moment and accomplish something small. To feel naturally high.

4- talk to people: just tell people how you feel. People around you love you. You don’t have to hide anymore. Try as much as you can to go back to that social life even though it is going to feel uncomfortable at the beginning.

5- start training your brain: play chess, sudoku or start slowly learning a new language. Just try to learn something new. When we were high, we stopped learning. Not anymore . Now you can use your beautiful brain to learn new things. Learning new things feels so good. The sense of accomplishment is a feeling of natural high.

The most important thing is to surround yourself with positivity. This process is all about you. Just focus on you and your progress. Everyday that passes by without getting a high is a win. Fight for yourself because you deserve it. Focus on getting better now and don’t overwhelm yourself with the future. Your plan will unveil itself to you once you go through this phase.

You can do it, I believe in you. You are more powerful than you know. If you slip, that’s ok. It’s not about perfection, it’s about progress and intention.

Wishing you all the love and peace in the most beautiful journey you can take.
  Top
heliogalibus
Posted: March 11, 2021, 1:05 PM







I've been clean almost 3 months now. Admittedly as others have said after the first month it does get a lot easier.

I'm not going to lie and I'll admit I have been tempted to smoke, luckily I deleted and blocked everyone I knew who sold it but I still have friends who smoke and I know if I hit them up they'll gladly toke up with me. I've also have had urges to do blow, and funny enough I actually had a drug dealer who I blocked message me from another number offering me some. I blocked him promptly.

Right now I'm struggling with motivation; I thought not smoking would help me be more productive but now I'm filling the time I used to smoke with by consuming media.

My biggest take away so far has been that the initial plunge is the hardest step - you need to be willing to throw away all smoking paraphernalia and block all your dealers - even if they say they're your friends, if the relationship is contingent on you buying weed then you're not friends, you're a customer.

Good luck to whoever reads this, I'd love to hear about your journey too.

  Top
heliogalibus
Posted: September 24, 2021, 8:05 PM







I started smoking again, and way more than before.

I keep telling myself each bag will be the last but it has not been the case.

  Top
Felix
Posted: October 16, 2021, 10:02 AM







Hi,

Im 23 years old ( almost 24) and i've been smoking since i'm 17. At first, it was always with friend and I really liked it. But then, I went to college and started to smoke on my own more often. I have social anxiety, so it was easier for me to go home and get high, rather than make an effort to talk to people. At the time, I was telling myself that I could stop at any time, I just didn't want to.

It's been 6 years now that i've been smoking on the regular. I've been isolating myself and avoiding most social contacts ever since. Weed did not solve my social anxiety problem, it made me ignore it. Now it's even worse. I distanced myself from my stoner friends(which were long time friends, we started smoking together) thinking that it would help, but I can't even distance myself from my addiction. So i'm even more lonely than I was before.

This summer, I was working as a lifeguard and met a woman. She was one of the most beautiful women I ever talked to, and I knew she liked me. We dated twice before she told me she wasn't interested. It hurt me pretty badly because I knew that it was because of my low confidence and poor social skills. I know that it could've worked if I had been a better version of myself. I still think about her a lot and it kills me to see that I ruined a decent opportunity.

I had been thinking a lot about stopping in the past years, but my addiction was just so strong. However, the emotional shock I got from rejection reinforced my desire to get rid of my addiction and fix my problems once and for all.

I stopped smoking for 18 days before relapsing. That was a month ago.

Today, it's been 5 days since I stopped again. But it's hard. As time passes, i'm feeling more and more empty and I kind of want to fill that emptiness with some more weed. I try to see people often and do things to keep me busy, but I don't know how long I can keep this up.

It's not easy.

Stay strong if you can. Even if you can't, I still love you.
  top of page  Top