Last Dance With Mary Jane
Posted: December 12, 2016, 8:21 AM


Posts: 2
Joined: December 12, 2016



Today is my Day One. I've been going round and round with this dance for the last seven years. I'm 28 now; I've been smoking weed since I was 21, shortly after my ex and I separated. He had an affair and it completely destroyed me, especially since I struggled with self image and depression from circumstances in my childhood. I grew up around drugs and alcohol, and although I had a short run in with drinking to cover the pain, pot really held hope for me, and I even rationalized and made excuses for it because I felt it to be some kind of medicine for my PTSD, which I was later diagnosed with.

After attending therapy for some time and getting my thoughts right, weed was the only thing holding me back from living the free life that I wanted but wasn't able to stop. I've tried countless times to the quit cold turkey, but would be Jonesing something fierce the next day. It's difficult because my mom, dad, and be brother all smoke pot and I really don't know any other way to stop except distance myself from them for some time, but with Christmas coming up, I can't foresee that happening.

I can see the defeat in my dad and brother's eyes, continuing to live this lifestyle because they've done it for so long, but I'm tired of just getting by with it. I want to reestablish my roots and learn to live without drugs, if only I can get past it these nagging triggers.

Day One.
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Adam
Posted: December 12, 2016, 10:59 AM







It's a great decision. I smoked pretty heavily for 8 years or so myself so I can certainly relate to what you are feeling and what to expect. My situation was very similar to yours in that a relationship ended, largely due to my smoking, but lots of other factors as well. The first thing you need to do, is not be so hard on yourself. Weed is an easy drug to lose control of. It all starts at a party or with friends and you think you can manage it, but before long it begins to manage you. For me, I used it to medicate my stress and anxiety that it was causing in the first place. It's been a month for me now, which is the longest I've not had it since the first time I smoked. I can easily say that I will never smoke again. I feel much better now. Depending on how much you smoked, your body will be changing it's chemistry over that time period and it will be weird. You will start dreaming again which will be the most difficult part. That probably won't start occurring until around day 10-12. The first week or so will be mostly physical withdrawal, appetite suppression, mild depression and anxiety. You just have to push through all that. DO NOT light up again or it resets everything. Don't even make it an option. Throw everything away and remove it from your life completely. If you have to separate yourself from your family, then do it. Skip Christmas if you have to.

Since being sober from weed, I've done lots of self reflection and soul searching. I'm lucky to have a solid support structure in my life in friends & family who don't smoke. You will need to find that. Consider joining a support group for NA to meet others dealing with the same struggles. Weed gets a strange connotation in today's society for not being a real "drug," but I assure you that it can be addicting and cause real harm to your mental and emotional control.

We live in a broken world full of people worshiping their own self-image. Or people valuing their self-worth through relationships with other people. When those relationships end, it can take you to a pretty dark place. Especially for those of us that are emotionally compromised. Weed does that to you. You can really feel lost for awhile. It will get better though. The sober life is the only way to live and truly be happy. Hope to hear your response and have a great day!
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Posted: December 12, 2016, 1:24 PM


Posts: 2
Joined: December 12, 2016



Thanks for the reply. Getting through the morning isn't so bad but by about 2pm it really starts getting to me. Is there a particular tid bit of wisdom you told yourself when your brain tries to kick into the rationalizing cycle? Or something you did to occupy yourself until the urge passed?
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Adam
Posted: December 12, 2016, 2:20 PM







All I can say is stay strong and push through. It gets better. The first 10 days won't be easy. You can lean on me if you want. Ask me anything. I'll make myself available. Would you like my email address?
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Adam
Posted: December 13, 2016, 12:04 AM







Hope your doing okay! Hang in there!
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GiveitUp
Posted: January 6, 2017, 11:27 AM







Hello,

By coincidence I had my last dance with MJ on same day as you (Dec 12th). It´s being 25 days since then. I can tell you that the first 7 days were terrible. After 15yrs smoking every day, it´s not a big price to pay if you think well. During this first week the worst part was my appetite - I felt no hungry for 3 days and on fourth day I started to fell hungry, but couldn´t eat more than a baby plate or felt really sick, but never throwed out. After 7 days it started to progressivily improve. And I started to eat normally in a very pleasant way. It is very nice to be hungry naturally. My sleep didn´t have been affected, differently than other people tell, think I was lucky. My mood was not really well, but it is improving every day, even now is still improving.
My case, I think, is a little different than others cause I moved into a new country and so the environment is much different to me, what distracted me a lot and didn´t feel the boreness or depression people report. It was not my intend to stop, but actually it was great.
Also need to tell that I have an old friend here that moved here years ago. On 10th day he brought me a small bag that I asked him for. But after 10 days I thought it was better not to use, and it is still in the bag. Can tell you it was one of the best things that happened to me. I have intend to never use it anymore. On the other day on the street, there was a guy smoking, and when I felt the smell, it seemed awful to me.
Just as a last thing to say, after around 10 days started the vivid dreams. It was most of time unpleasant! You wakeup very tired and a little disturbed. But day to day they are getting more normal, and reducing in weirdness and duration. Today, at 25th day, I am still having them, but not as when they first appeared.
Wish you the best of lucky in your pursuit for sobriet, and can assure you life is much better without it than we think or that seems to be on first days. Be tuff and you will be rewarded soon.
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