My Husband Doesn't Know I Smoke, & I Want To Quit
Posted: January 5, 2016, 11:05 AM

I'll try to describe my situation as briefly as I can, then please, give me whatever advice you can! Basically, besides one time I passed around the joint at a party, my husband doesn't know that I've had a regular smoking habit since we have been together, and I would really like to just quit ASAP and make it a secret I take to the grave.

I began smoking years ago, as weed is the only thing that has helped me cope with PTSD from my parents abusing me in childhood, I was going through a bad breakup at the time that weed and I met and fell in love.

As of 4 years ago, I was smoking on and off. But then as it turned out, I met a really nice Dutch guy, who doesn't smoke by the way, and moved to the Netherlands to be with him. My addiction took off with a vengeance again when I was going through depression, shortly after I moved here, because getting a job without much knowledge of Dutch was impossible and our finances were suffering. While I am pro-legalization, it certainly doesn't make it easy for a former stoner moving to a country where it's legal! Heck, the coffeeshop where I usually buy mine is a 2 minute walk from our house.

Then we wanted a child, and I am proud of myself that willpower kicked in and I was able to completely abstain while trying to conceive, pregnant, and breastfeeding. However, the PTSD from my childhood also brought breastfeeding to a grinding halt throwing me into horrible depression. Whenever I could make it to the coffeeshop even when taking care of our son, I would buy weed. Our son is almost 2 now and the most beautiful child you could ever meet.

Now, I have just started a business, in the fitness industry at that. I am finding that my smoking habit is keeping the business from growing as quickly as it could, plus the munchies are making me put on weight, and this needs to stop before I become a fat fitness instructor who no one takes seriously.

So it was my new years resolution to quit weed. On New Year's Day, my husband told me he wants a divorce, because of my PTSD related panic attacks. I haven't been able to cope at all. Yesterday, while my son was at daycare, I spent the whole day stoned when I should have been working. My husband and I have agreed to work on our relationship, but it's a lot of stress too, as if he found out I also smoke, he could change his mind. This would be heartbreaking, when things are good with us, they are very good, plus I would not have moved to another continent for just anyone!

So, I need advice applicable to my situation to help me quit. Here's some of my main triggers for wanting a joint:

- Right after working out, being high feels like an awesome way to wind down. I keep reading to work out when craving a joint, but then I almost always want to get high after exercise.
- After a panic attack.
- When I need to do creative work for my business, such as advertising, or brainstorming. I've found both of these easier when high.

Though really, it's gotten to the point where I want it every day. So despite me doing better work when high, I also end up doing less work.

So how do I quit, without my husband ever finding out that it was a problem?
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