Joined: December 2, 2015
Im 22 and have been smoking weed everyday for the last 6 years. I did have a break nearly 2 years ago but it barely lasted a month and once summer came round and your out and you fancy it we just got it and went from there. Back to smoking everyday.
I have been running my own business for a while and started driving back in January but I work 13 hours a day and its the evening time when I smoke. Weekends I smoke all day sunday if I don't go out. I live with my boyfriend and his mum and we practically live in the front room. I get home from work about 8-9 go straight in the front room and start smoking. my boyfriend makes me a cup of tea and we have a couple joints then if we fancy it we might have something to eat, if we do its usually to much food leaving you really bloated but I must admit I do eat to much chocolate and drink to much tea throughout the time I come home and then fall asleep. As we do normally just fall asleep on the sofa after smoking about 4-5 joints and staying up aslong as we can to finish the bag. normally 1-2 oclock in the morning then I some how manage to drag myself up at 7-30 to drive to work and spend the whole day running a very hands on business.
I don't sit down at all at work and am constantly on the go. Then I spend 6-8 doing home deliveries. Im exhausted when I get home but I still manage to lay on the sofa for 4-5 hours smoking then get up and do it all again mon-sat and lately sundays to. I find myself spending my time alone like driving or being alone while working and especially while in the bath to be time constantly argueing with myself about how I live my life. I have two voices having an argument, one telling me to stop smoking and the other telling me is just one more day. everyday for the ast month I have been saying just one more day. I haven't stayed at my mums or even been there more than a handful of times over the past 4 months. I have 2 brothers and a younger sister at home and although I feel bad for not being there somehow between spending my whole day at work just concentrating on work and getting home and concentrating on getting high I sort of just put it to the back of my mind and then my mum asks me why I don't go round and I just change the conversation or say ill come round tonight and then just go home instead.
She thinks I haven't been smoking since the time I gave up for that month I mentioned at the beginning of this awful long post. sorry. I would just really like some advice. I know im living my life the wrong way and its going to come crumbling down on top of me as I already have really bad chest and back pain which I know is my lungs as my doctor told me to stop smoking cigarettes over 2 and a half years ago. Im not a lay about kind of smoker but I cant stop smoking when I ger home. I don't go out or socialize as my work is my entire day and I don't have any girlfriends. im just a normal 22 year old woman living a lie to those around her apart from my boyfriend and his mum.
I no I should just go to my mums. Tonight I had a petty argument on the phone with my boyfriend because yesterday I said lets not get it and he bought it anyway and drove about 2 mins away from my mums before I decided to call him back and have an argument about him buying it. Then drive an extra half an hour back from my mums without actually going there. This is beginning to be a monthly argument. Sometimes I think im going mad and just cause these arguments for whatever reason but when im in a good mood im a lovable girlfriend and most of the time I just completely zone out. He talks to me while we are watching tv and I don't hear anything he says until he nudges me back down to earth. My mind is starting to become a bit of a whirlpool and I have to many responsibilities and I need to be there for my mum as my parents divorced 3 years ago and its not been a good one. Sorry for the long post people. x
This post has been edited by Cupcake1 on December 2, 2015, 8:09 PM
Joined: October 23, 2011
If you want to drink or use that is your business.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
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--- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity.
---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
... I need AA more than it needs me.
--- I fight recovery tooth and nail....
I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural.
...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know.
---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it.
Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it.
--- I didn't have a very happy childhood
but I sure am having a long one !
---Dry since 1989
working daily on getting/staying SOBER.
---If you want to drink, that's your business
...If you want to quit, that's AA's business.
... Tell me, I'll forget;
... Show me, I'll remember;
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---Most problems are psychological.
Most solutions are spiritual .
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