Reused Tonight
Posted: September 23, 2018, 9:06 AM

Posts: 0
Joined: September 23, 2018

I have been clean since May and met someone tonight that provided and I just went through the motions, even got a ride over. When I got there, I knew that I did not want to be there, he was super nice and made me feel very much at home. I still went though, I still smoked, and now I am left thinking about all the progress I have made and how I let myself and others who are counting on me down. I am afraid to tell my therapist, but I must, I can no longer continue pretending things will get better without a support system, without professional help, and figuring out what triggers these urges for me. It is sex, I am bisexual and single, it has become so easy to hook up with guys in the city I live in that there are apps, websites, all kinds of things to make it easier. This is how I was introduced to the stuff in the first place, hell, I could not have even told you what it looked like until I tried it and what I would do to go back to that day and tell myself not to go to that house. I can't do anything about that, but I can do something about now. How does one seek help in NA when they may have a high profile position in the community? This is my situation, I am afraid of seeking help and then losing everything because I was outed. I have been using a therapist who does not think that NA would be a good fit for me, but I am willing to try anything. I was seeing her weekly, then every other week, this is how I have made it since May, my use then was once or twice every other month or so, it is always used in sexual encounters. Can anyone relate?
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