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Posted: July 2, 2017, 9:08 AM
] So, Ive used meth for going on 8-9 months, with one 3 week cold turkey intermission before relapsing. I dont feel an enjoyable high from it, it doesnt make me feel geeked up or speedy, i dont get jittery, or talkative. If anything i feel i have became dependent on it because of my life style. The benefits for me would be a slight energy boost, and the appetite suppressant. I work 6 days a week, at a fast paced job surrounded by food. Its a huge relief to not want anything to eat and still be able to function normally. a typical day for me is waking up an hour before my shift, taking a few hits to wake me up (if i have slept, that is) then going to work. i typically work about 8-9 hours (no use during these hours). when i get home i dont feel the need to rush to smoke. i am a very introverted person and enjoy being isolated and using has became my pass time activity while doing other enjoyable things, while i assume giving me energy to stay awake and continue to do these things until im either tired enough to sleep or staying awake all night and heading to work. I have had several people tell me that it seems that it doesn't effect me, that i act exactly the same while smoking as i do not under the influence. the people closets to me do not use, or suspect im using, When i quit before the main withdraws i encountered where increased appetite, and sever fatigue. I was falling asleep during work, and in 3 weeks gained at least 15 lbs. After my relapse my weight went back to normal ( i had not lost a large amount of weight before hand, maybe 10 lbs) and my energy levels seemed normal again. Ive always been a night owl and had trouble sleeping, i seem to be more active at night. I honestly feel i could do with or without this drug. When im using i quit smoking cigs, and drastically cut back on my weed intake. along with alcohol consumption. My main reasons for quitting are because its so hard for me to get it and its becoming a risk getting it. Any kind of legal ramifications scare the hell out of me to the point that if i feel in anyway unsure about getting it, i wont, i will back out of deals that i have already paid for and not even receive money back, this alone has cost me 500$ this last month. Along with the legal risks, i fear people becoming aware of my use because the associations with this drug are horrible.i would be embarrassed and ashamed if it was known. There have been a few times some one has tried to bring it up, im from a small town and everyone gossips,but so far every time this ends with my closets people not believing it and telling others how they dont suspect me on it.I look healthy, i dont get in trouble,I work a full time job and pay my bills, I do encounter paranoia and anxiety now and then but i believe its from stress of getting more and fighting off the withdrawal symptoms or from going to long without sleep. There has to be a medication or something that i can use thats legal and i can benefit from instead of this drug. I dont believe im emotionally dependent on it, when im upset or sad i dont want it, but within two days i am exhausted and cant function how i need to. I would say on average i smoke about half a gram to a gram a day, taking in the most alone at night. I wouldnt mind doing some kind of treatment or counseling, but i cant help but feel that i have more benefits from this drug, but i know i cant continue to take the risks to get it. I was wondering if anyone had taken any medications to counter the withdrawals or if there is a medication i could start taking that could bring me the same benefits. Im not denying an addiction with it, but i do feel as if it would be easier to quit and not relapse if i was able to continue being as productive and also have the same mentality i have while on this drug. Any suggestions are appreciated..
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Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016
Posted: July 3, 2017, 8:58 PM
It sounds like you have a good idea of what works and what doesn't and you are having paranoia around your using, buying, etc. probably healthy paranoia. I am a family member, not addicted. Try searching out alternatives. See a naturopathic or homeopathic dr. Also research suppliments - not the crazy ones, but vitamins, and supplements that help withdrawals, maybe melatonin for sleep. go to healthfood store for supplements. physical exercise, yoga, massage, etc.... you will pay less than half as much for alternatives as you have wasted in a month. Definitely look into therapy. such as CBT ---- c-something Behavior Therapy -- read about it all on line..... buy a book or workbook, see what therapy you might like...
check out lolleedee's postings to others - helpful insight and advice. slowly change your behavior from the bad addictions to other healthy 'addictions' I think you can do it. research, make a plan, follow thru.... one change at a time. | ||
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