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Posts: 0
Joined: June 19, 2015
Posted: June 19, 2015, 1:24 PM
I have been using for 12 years. Not the whole time. But more on than off. I am enrolled in outpatient at a great facility. I also have a legal obligation to get/stay/remain clean. If i don't finish my outpatient treatment successfully i could face 2 years in prison. I have gone twice, both times voluntarily and willing, to inpatient. I am well aware of ALL of this and yet cannot seem to pull my head out of my a**. And i continue to use. Knowing all it will take is one failed UA and then I am in violation, and that means going back to jail.
I have a husband, who as much as he "tries" doesn't really get what i am going through due to the fact he has never been an addict to anything other than smoking. I am not trying to make myself look like a victim. I know full and well that i am the one in charge and responsible for my choice to keep using. I don't know how to stop fully. I keep finding these loop holes in the system and abusing them. I don't know exactly what kind of help i am looking for. I guess just something, anything, that will help. I do want to be clean and live not just survive. I want my life to be better and i know i deserve better. I know where i want to be and need to be and have to be. I just need help finding the light to the path i need to take. Thank you in advance | ||
Posts: 674
Joined: August 17, 2014
Posted: June 19, 2015, 4:23 PM
Hi Hoobies and welcome - the reason we continue to use inspite of the consequences is what seperates us from regular people - we are addicts - there is no rational explanation for our behaviour - we are addicted to what ever c..p we use - thats not an excuse, just a fact - you can beat this- though - i failed many times and like you could never understand why i kept going back to the same behaviour over and over, i did eventually quit, both alcohol and drugs- it is not easy, but can be done- you gotta really want to make it- it takes alot of effort but it is really worth it- it took me a long time to cop on to this - being clean on a bad day is better than any day using- go for it - you can do this - use whatever support system is available - another thing i learned, very hard to do it on your own - you gotta reach out for help - best of luck - recovery is worth it-
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Posts: 57
Joined: November 26, 2014
Posted: June 23, 2015, 9:53 AM
awesome advice travelin man. I always love the saying a bad clean day is still better than any using day :) and yes recovery IS worth it!!
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