I Need Help
Posted: November 18, 2017, 6:55 PM

I’ve always been troubled. Ive been treated for depression and bipolar disorder since I was 8 years old and my childhood was pretty rough in countless ways. I’ve always had this self-destructive yearning because of it, like I find comfort in the darkness because it’s what I’ve always known. I first tried alcohol and weed when I was like 13. When i was 14 i was selling and using cocaine as well as stealing my moms sleep medication and what not. I got caught and was on the right path a while but still was dealing with the manic despression so psychiatrists got me on a mood stabilizer and Xanax for panic attacks. I also was injured in a hit and run while i was biking home from school so got put on Norco for a while. When i was 16 I moved to Vegas to live with friends because I couldn’t handle my home situation, but that’s when I first encounter heroin and speed. I did each once and it freaked me out because of the come down. I was also being sexually abused by my friends Dad at that time, whilst one of his daughters had me numb from her own medication. It was dark but still I still managed to graduate high school with a 4.4 and went to UCSB for college, where I became obsessed with drinking and going out. I was gang raped my first year, which made the craving for an escape even more apparent. After college, i moved back in with my mom because i was so lost with my career path. She convinced me to doctor shop with her and share medication with her. We were under the care of a shady psychiatrist who overprescriped us benzos, adderall, etc, and we were also getting painkillers for my back injury. Then the psychiatrist up and retired and left me with no referral, and i also lost my health insurance around this time. Then a guy I fell in love with got me into meth first and then heroin. I was only using with him and when he went to jail I got cleanish—I resorted back to drinking. My bipolar disorder was bleeding me dry emotionally and I was ruining relationships and needed to escape. I couldn’t take it so i sought out the heroin on my own, and it has ruined my life. I live with my mom and brother and use secretly. I never shot up, just smoke, but it’s getting worse. I can’t go a few hours without it or the withdrawls kick in. I wake up and smoke, go to work a s***ty barista job, come home and smoke until bedtime. It has RUINED me in so many ways—mentally,emotionally, socially, financially. I know I need to quit because I hate how it controls me, but i want to do it on my own because i couldn’t handle the disappointment from my family and friends. Idk how tho, I’m up to smoking a half gram a day. Its been 2 years. I work full time and can’t take time off so being sick at work is truly.. horrible. I need to quit this though, I need honest advice and not criticism. Anybody successfully quit on their own? Any advice for my situation?
Posted: November 19, 2017, 12:37 AM

Posts: 259
Joined: June 27, 2015

Hi,well u came to the right place for help and advice. Have u ever thout about trying methadone?i liked subutex better then suboxone. I kicked my seven year habit in six days. Not needing heroin or subutex anymore. But then I still relapsed a week later and haven't stopped again yet because I didn't take the time to put myself in counseling and learn new life skills and coping mechanisms. Because I think it would be best if I did that.! Maybe that could work for u too. Good luck sorry if I want much help.

Posted: November 19, 2017, 4:22 PM

Posts: 637
Joined: April 4, 2016

How about an addiction psychiatrist? They can treat both the substance abuse problems and the mental health issues. You may need a mix of drugs to deal with physical side and/or correct any chemical imbalances. Think about coupling that with a talk therapist, as babylove suggested, to help with the emotional, spiritual and mental side (for example, your triggers, your live issues & coping skills).

To quote a wise lady . . . who is a recovering heroin addict . . . so she fights the urges, cravings and the monkey every day . . . sometimes the monkey wins and she uses: "Shyt happens . . .and you may relapse. It's ok. Just start again. Even if that takes starting every day!"

I'm a hugger. So sending hugs,

This post has been edited by hurtingmom on November 19, 2017, 4:46 PM


I forgot to read the fine print, when i signed up to be your Mom. I thought it would be smiles & hugs and quite a lot of fun.

I didn’t see the part about addiction, mental illness, pain, hopelessness or despair. I didn’t know life could be so flipping unfair.

But I now see something in the fine print that I didn’t see before. It also says to survive your addiction, I must love me more.

In Loving Memory of my angel, J. #forever21 #ihateaddiction #foreverloved
Posted: November 19, 2017, 7:17 PM

Posts: 1718
Joined: June 27, 2016

Hi - It is good that you want to be sober. try out patient therapy for dual diagnosis. keep looking for something that fits and works for you. try SmartRecovery.org. every day smoke a little less to decrease as much as possible. keep at it. keep trying. keep looking for the therapy that works for you. add in other alternative therapies that you can do yourself. a bit of exercise, walking, yoga, meditation, massage, naturopath dr, homeopath dr, acupuncture. these are not quick fixes, they build on what you learn to give you long term coping skills. maybe one thing works for a while, and then add something else... etc. keep searching your community for opportunities to find help.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on November 19, 2017, 7:20 PM
Posted: December 14, 2017, 10:57 AM

Posts: 56
Joined: June 25, 2017

All I can say is when your ready to stop .than that's the time, when your not, well that's up to you. We can talk. to you, till your blue in the face. but until you find the right time,,,you will use amen
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