Relapsed And Trying To Quit
Posted: June 1, 2018, 5:43 PM


Posts: 4
Joined: June 1, 2018



Hey guys, i'm new to this site and this is my first post.

I relapsed on heroin October 2017, and ever since i have been trying to stop using and failing each time.
I drive with my eyes closed on most morning on my way to work it's a miracle i am here typing this right now. My car almost flew off a bridge once because i was nodding off while driving. I'm stupid, i know, noneed to mention it.

I lie to my loved ones. Worst of all, i hate myself. i feel filthy. I know what i want in life, and i have been failing to make it happen.
I want a "clean life" free of drugs and alcohol. I want to pray regularely, stay spiritual and close to God. I don't want to lie and sneak around anymore. I do not want to nod off in public and look like a junkie everywhere i go.

I am 25 years old and i should be acting like a grown mature woman but instead i'm still acting like a university student ffs.


What can i do? any tips? is there anyone else struggling who wants an online buddy to motivate each other to stay sober?
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Posted: June 4, 2018, 6:37 PM


Posts: 251
Joined: June 27, 2015



Hey I'm BabyLove. I just turned 38 in may. I've been doing this for 8 years now. And I would like an online buddy.! Well, I'm also a mother of two kids. My first just turned 3 in April. She lives with her father and I haven't seen her in 2 years now. Ummm, my second is my 17 month old son who lives with his father and I also have been living at his father's house too since my son was born. Speaking of his father,,,, his father is the reason why I am in a domestic violence relationship. He will verbally abuse me so much. He has really damaged me emotionally, mentally and sometimes will even get physical too. He's 6'5 tall and I'm 5'2. But he has battered and butchered me with his words so violently that it's a surprise to me that I'm not in prison yet because sometimes all I can think about is how I just want to stab this fool.! !!! But I know better.! If I were to I better get it right because I only got one chance and if I screw that up, ,,,,,, well anywho, sorry about that. But for real tho. He owns his own construction business and I'm a stay at home mom. Which I love and always wanted to be a homemaker ever since I was just a lil girl. But in his reality is far from my dream that came true. It's a nightmare to live in his putrid soiled nightmare of a life. He calls me every wrong name in the book . He feeds off that s**t. Negativity that is. He feeds off of putting misery onto others. He enjoys putting people down and he can and will only recognize the negative part of every situation, every stone and rock and every person. And it does not matter how many times you remind him that he's not Jesus or my dad because He's still thinks he's better then everyone. But all in all, you get it right? He's a real jack a**. But I'm not in school, I'm unemployed and I love 80's music , gardening and cooking. If I do work then it's with animals. I've been a vet tech for 14 years. And I am totally infested with unicorns. They're my favorite. I also have a life partner by the name MACHO. He's my 7 year old trusty ol English bull terrier. I also am from Southern California (Los Angeles county). Well I should really stop rambling. You can probably notice. I have no friends. My son's father moved me a hour away from My home town were all my family and friends are just to be far enough were he can control me to his perfection. He doesn't let me see or talk to my mom or other family members. I have to do that behind his back. He thinks I haven't seen my mom since xmas. But I've seen her three more times after that. The last time was for my bday. And he thinks the last time I was in a car was a week before st. Patrick's day when he took me to walmart. We live on farm land. His property is two acres. So taking my son for a walk in his stroller is, (in his father's eyes, "forbidden" )! So I don't ever really get a chance to do anything but be with my son and my dog and get treated like garbage from his father.! Ohhh sad, completely and utterly sad.! Well let me know if you would still want to chit chat, if I haven't scared you away by now. Okay, well, talk to you soon. Bye

Oh yea, you had mentioned that there would be no reason for anyone to mention that your stupid for driving while nodding out. But no one ever judges a person here like that and if they did then it wouldn't be long until someone put them in they're place.! So you don't ever have to worry about you being judged here.!!! And I'm pretty sure we all have had those exact same feelings like you have.!!!! I meAn, I hate my guts all the time.!

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IT ONLY GETS WORSE BEFORE IT GETS BETTER
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Posted: June 4, 2018, 8:46 PM


Posts: 1588
Joined: June 27, 2016



shz - my son has struggled w relapsing that has lasted for the past year. has had several accidents w the car. minor ones - guard rails, fender benders that did damage to his car but not another. even though we know he could be under the influence we let him drive to go to work. he actually had the worst accident a few weeks ago when he was trying to detox and went for days w/out sleep. he did not tell me how badly he was feeling that day when he went to work. of course he would not consider taking a day off - that would mean less pay for that week. well, after that accident, he had nothing to drive. luckily no one was injured. he rear-ended a large truck, wrecked his vehicle but hardly damaged the other. we paid the repair for the other person, so it would not go thru our insurance. for two more weeks my son tried to detox at home. the insomnia made him keep relapsing. we reached out for help at a recovery center. at first he did not want to go to the hospital - (the process is emergency room for evaluation, and then admitted to the detox or psyc floor.)he stayed home. after another few days he raised the white flag and surrendered. he said he could not do this on his own. that is the truth and nothing to be ashamed of. it is not failure - stand up with your head high and say - I need help from the experts to get thru the next few weeks.

My regrets for the past year - that I was not able to get my son to go for treatment earlier. but eventually he has.


MY BIGGEST REGRET - LETTING HIM DRIVE. PLEASE STOP DRIVING. NO ONE CARES WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU OR YOUR CAR - THINK ABOUT THE INNOCENT PEOPLE WHO MAY BE INJURED OR KILLED BECAUSE YOU NOD OFF OR ARE DISTRACTED. HOW WILL YOU LIVE WITH THAT.

DRIVING IS A PRIVLEDGE FOR THOSE WHO ARE GETTING TO WORK AND SCHOOL

STOP DRIVING - YOU CAN NOT REPLACE A PERSON'S LIFE.

YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR KILLING ANYONE BECAUSE YOU WERE IRRESPONSIBLE GETTING BEHIND THE WHEEL OF A 3000 LB METAL VEHICLE THAT YOU CAN NOT SAFELY CONTROL.

Check into a hospital. Just do it. Surrender before worse things happen in your life. Things will get worse.


If my son stopped his use just 2 months earlier - he would have avoided a wrecked car and an arrest that is pending.... we are not paying for lawyers - we are hoping he does not go to jail, I don't know what the outcome will be, I don't have any experience with it. it could be more complicated and serious than we can imagine. it depends on the judge and the public defender. out of our hands now. he has not been arrested before, so I think he does not understand how serious this might be.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on June 4, 2018, 8:51 PM
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Posted: June 4, 2018, 8:54 PM


Posts: 1588
Joined: June 27, 2016



as for a buddy to stay sober with - detox first, then find a recovery center, therapist who specialized in addiction, recovery coach, smartrecovery.org - online meetings
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Posted: June 11, 2018, 8:43 AM


Posts: 19571
Joined: October 17, 2003



Dad of Daniel - we moved your post to Families/Partners of Addicts, where there are other parents who can relate to your story: Dad of Daniel.

- the moderators
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Relapse Gary
Posted: October 26, 2018, 1:24 AM







I went to rehab over two months ago and was doing great until I put in a hard day at work and was so sore I got a bag of heroin just to be able to work the next day. That's how I got on it. Went to the docs for pain and left with a script for 120 roxie 30s. 2 years later I got them takin away for my levels not being rite. Been doing heroin for 2 years now. If I'm not around it or can't get it I'm fine. But where I live it's easier to get them weed. Crazy! Try and stay busy. Tell yourself your better then that life. I wish I had no pain. But you can do it.
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