Posted: December 19, 2017, 2:32 AM

Posts: 3
Joined: December 18, 2017

Today I had a talk with my friend about getting High. The feelings it made us feel. The person we were while shooting dope. For so many years it made me physically ill to talk about these things. I couldn't discuss heroin without missing it. Today Was different. All I could think about was how much of myself that I had lost in all those years of chasing that next push. I look at photos from those years and it makes me sick to know I walked around realizing how lifeless and just sick I looked. I spent so much time denying I was even doing anything. But once I became homeless, there was no more lying about it. The friend I was speaking to had never experienced that kind of low. He maintained a place to live and a car to drive and money to get high, thanks in large part to his family. I know he won't stay clean. He never does and it breaks my heart. I wish everyone had the strength to know when to stop enabling their addict loved one; like everyone in my life did to me. There was no more borrowing money or paying my phone bill or rent. They cut me off,and it saved my life. I hope that next time my friend falls off, he does it in a way that he will come back and stay. I hope he stays on the path of soberity. But he has that look in his eyes when talking about dope, if you know an addict, you know the look. And it breaks my heart. But today was a step in the righT mental direction for me. I no longer fear talking about my disease.
Posted: December 24, 2017, 12:37 AM

Hi, Good for you. I'm happy for you to be off dope and I hope your life just gets happier and happier. Don't punish yourself for the past. Living that life was punishment enough. Hold your head high and know you have a second chance to be happy and grab it with all your might. Good luck to you because you deserve it. Never give up and keep looking ahead.
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