My Life As A Heroin Addict
Posted: November 12, 2016, 10:46 PM

My life was just like anyone else’s. I had a mother, father, brother, and sister. My mom would cook dinner every night. My dad would work all hours since, he is a business owner. My dad is a tattoo artist. My parents are both filled with tattoos. My life took a dramatic turn when, my father got arrested for felony cocaine possession and gun charges. I was entering my senior year of high school.
My senior year of high school was hard for me. My mother was struggling to care for my siblings and I. She was a stay at home mother her entire life. She had no high school education. Therefore, no way to earn money to take care of us. She turned to drugs to make money for our family. My mother was a crack dealer.
Most people probably wouldn't believe me if I told them my mother was a crack dealer but she was. She made at least $1,000 a week. We would have a lot of faces that would come to our home. Old and young, black and white, crack does not discriminate. My mother ended up getting busted. Eventually, she had to find a real job to support our family. She ended up working at a retail store. I ended up finishing my twelfth grade year. That summer after graduation, I ended up getting pregnant.
I had my first child a year after high school. I was so proud of myself for graduating. I was so sad my dad was in prison. My mother recorded this monumental moment, and my soon to be husband ended up pawning my mother’s camcorder without my knowledge. He ended up disposing of my graduation tape. I remember doing cocaine the night before my graduation. I was up all night long. We were sniffing lines in the back of the limo by boyfriend rented. I remember my nose running through out my graduation ceremony. I was ready for it to be over with so, I could get some rest. During, that summer after graduation I ended up pregnant and had a miscarriage. Then, a month after I got pregnant again with my first daughter.
I was so scared to find out I was with child. Since I was still a child myself. I found out when I was 18 years old, and ending up having her when I was 19 years old. I ended up having a baby girl. Her father was my first love. I met him through my friend. I went to spend the night with her, and met him and fell instantly in love. He was older than me by five years. He was such a bad boy. He was selling ecstasy. It was the first time I had ever done drugs besides smoke marijuana. I started smoking mary jane when I was 16 years old. Doing ecstasy was magical. We would drive around in a friend’s car listening to techno just rolling our asses of. It felt like a wave of euphoria rushing over your entire body. I thought I was in love. Little did I know.
After years, of abuse and manipulation we separated. It was only after he had committed adultery with my best friend. I had played Barbie’s with this girl. We played softball together. We would play presidents daughters and school. I felt so betrayed. I knew it was for the best. He was beating on me. I finally saw a way out of the abusive relationship. Right before, I got out of the relationship for good. He had some powder. I said, I want some. He said okay but it’s not coke. It’s like methadone. He never told me it was heroin. I don’t think I would have cared. Since, it was such a hard time in my life. My marriage was over. My family was breaking up. I was still hurt mentally and physically. I really did worry about my friend’s well-being. I thought to myself is he going to beat her? We ended up splitting up. I remember this date because it was on my friend's Myspace page.
It took me two years to finally find someone that I was really interested in. Finally, the summer of 2007. My new love came into my life. It was through a mutual friend we met and fell in love with each other. A couple months after meeting him. My brother was tragically killed. My brother was crossing the street after a skateboard session on a Saturday night in downtown Raleigh near my father’s tattoo shop. My life has been forever changed since, that cold dark night in November. I have had many relapses in my recovery. I would go days, months, even years without using but, somehow it always found a way to sneak back into my life.
I ended up having my second daughter. I was on methadone, and my daughter had to stay in the hospital for 28 days. It was a hard time but, I went every day to visit my baby girl. I would sit up there until it got late. I had to go home and care for my first born daughter. The day, I got to bring her home was filled with so much happiness. I ended up getting off methadone. Two years after, I got pregnant with my first born son. He was born on 10/14/10 and died on 10/14/10. I was eight and a half months pregnant at the time. It was due to complications from placental abruption. It was the second worst thing that had ever happened to me. First, I lost my brother now, this? How could I go on? Two years later, I got pregnant with my third born daughter. She is four years old, and healthy as an ox. She loves being with me, and never leaving my side. You think children could help you stop from using but, the sad truth is nothing can stop you.
The last time I had used was two years prior to my latest relapse. I was so proud every time I got clean. I would tell myself you can do this! You have kids that depend on you. Keep up the good work. It’s always near the time of my brother, and son’s deaths that I wanted to use. I was able to cope for the past two years so, why was I feeling the urge to use again. It made you forget the pain just for the time being. Little did I know that this last time getting high would cost me a fortune, and almost my life.
I went to meet my drug dealer after work. He was staying at a hotel. I ended up buying, and taking a left turn to head home and get my fix. When I was driving home, I saw what nobody ever wants to see. Blue lights!! It was the police. My heart sank. I didn’t want to throw my drugs out. I didn’t even try to hide it that is the type of hold this drug has on your mind, body, and soul. I ended up getting arrested. I had to spend my whole paycheck in bonding out. It was the scariest moment in my life.
It has been 1 month and 20 days since, I got arrested. I write this today, as a recovering addict who is fighting their addiction and winning. I have not used since the day before I got arrested. No more countless dollars being thrown down the drain. I knew when, I was sitting in that jail cell this is not how I wanted my story to end. My kids need me more than anything. I was placed on job suspension. Most likely, termination since, I have not heard from them. I feel so ashamed of my actions. I am proud to say that I face addiction everyday like a boss! I am glad there is no more shame to be brought to my family. I am fighting a pending drug charge for heroin possession. I am just praying it gets reduce or dismissed. I want to continue to work with children. It is my passion. I love kids. I want to get my old job back. Please pray for those fighting addiction because not everyone wins the fight. You never truly get over the desire to use, you find new ways to learn how to not use. You have to think about the long term effects it will cause your family and loved ones. You have to want to live to truly win this fight. Never give up hope! I have been fighting for 16 years! I think it’s time, I live the life I deserve! A healthy and beautiful life.

Posted: November 13, 2016, 5:41 AM

Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008

Welcome Tara.....and congrats on the clean time...and for wanting out of the life ....I wish you well....

Posted: November 15, 2016, 6:58 PM

Hi there, I'm glad that you finally saw sense and are finally trying to get your life back on track. I have been clean now for 16 years and it was a struggle at the beginning. I came from a decent family but was abused my someone that I knew at 14, my parents phoned the police but they said that it would be his word against mine and that I would get a tough time at court from his lawyer,my mum said to leave it, it was never spoke of again. I left school but fell pregnant at 17 and had my son at 18 who was disabled...I split from his father and met someone else but I was his punch bag for 6 u might wonder why I never left him? I did on several occasions but I always went back and also by this point I had another another child...I eventually did break up with him only for someone that I knew very well to get murdered...I took this very bad and tried heroine for the 1st time thinking thatitwas only once and I won't get if I had left it at that once..that would have been it..but, I loved the feeling it gave you,it made you forget and about 3 weeks later I found out the hard way that I was now addicted to heroin...I never injected it only smoked it...I lost a lot of weight...went down to 5 stone, I was slowly killing myself...what made me see sense was I collapsed in the house one day and I woke up hours later to a family member slapping me and screaming at me to wake up as they thought I was dead...the look on their face was enough for me to do something about it...if not for kids needed me's not going to be easy as you have to change your full life style if you want to succeed....but if you are determined enough you will do that I promise you...if you would like to talk to me just get me on here and I'll give you my email address...but good luck.x
Posted: November 19, 2016, 9:22 PM

Hello! I would love to talk to you. I grew up and my parents taught me to keep things like this to myself. I was always taught to be secretive so, I didn't ruin my reputation. I have learned sharing my story helps me with my growth. I am still clean. I would love to share my ups and downs through this journey with someone who can relate and understand.
Posted: December 9, 2016, 11:12 PM

Hi, I read ur post and thought it wud b great to talk to sumone whobis facing or has faced heroin addiction. I am an addict and iv bèen to the rehab once bt the min i got out,i started again. i want to quit abd live a clean life. u said ul talk abt h aďuction.please help me and guide me or i thnk il end up taking mt life.get back to me. this is my email id.thanks a b waiting

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This post has been edited by moderator on December 10, 2016, 10:50 AM
Posted: December 10, 2016, 6:12 PM

Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008

Mak....most of us here are dealing with heroin addiction in some way...I get the desperation. ..been there...often. long this time have you been using? You sound ready to end your run...your gonna have to cut back...or go in for there a hospital you can get some help from around you ? ...they usually will help if your in wd's....there's also NA...and even AA...where you can find some help ...your gonna have to either detox...get on the juice...or cut back until you got some control./sanity might as well just do the rattle...since cutting back...usually just prolongs the inevitable. got to take a break...get some clean time can do it...we've all had of luck...and be to us if you need to...we've all been exactly where you are now...


This post has been edited by constantine on December 10, 2016, 6:38 PM
Posted: January 31, 2017, 12:43 AM

Posts: 6
Joined: January 31, 2017

Hi guys, also a 15 year heroin addict...looking to do ibogaine soon...been to countless rehabs, rapid opiate detoxes...lots of money spent by my parents w/ zero success....I must get clean before they figure out I'm not, cannot hurt them again....cannot hurt them, they do not deserve this.
Posted: January 31, 2017, 12:44 AM

Posts: 6
Joined: January 31, 2017

Anybody have success with ibogaine?
Posted: December 27, 2017, 8:09 PM


I am so sorry to hear, that your addiction is taking control of you. You are the only one, that can

make a change. I do believe that, it takes one day at a time living in recovery. You will have

struggles and triggers. I am not going to lie to you. I relapsed a few months ago. I went and scored

some boiii, and it was from someone I knew but never scored s*** from. It was f***ing himalayian

salt. You know what that means?!?! I injected himalayian salt in my arm. So, the next day. I went

and scored from someone who, I knew had that flame. I felt so guilty. I just ruined my sobriety.

Guess what? Were all human. We all make mistakes. Just remember that last shot, line, toke

can be our last one. I was a cutter in my teenage years. I tried to kill myself. I am glad, that I

am here. I suffer from bipolar, anxiety, depression, adhd. I also have undiagnosed ptsd. I want

you to keep fighting. Take on a new hobby, read a book, write a book, go for a walk, take a

road trip. I am back clean again. This time you gotta fight this war with me. Only the real can

relate. We are warriors!! Stay in touch.
Posted: March 18, 2018, 2:17 PM

Posts: 262
Joined: June 27, 2015

Lee 232
Hey I'm BabyLove, so what is that rapid detox? Is that when they put you to sleep for a few days ? ? Let me know, I'm curious. Thanks. Bye.!

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