The Official ..::introduce Yourself::.. Post
Posted: February 8, 2009, 10:54 PM


Posts: 37
Joined: February 8, 2009



What's good? My name is Scott and this is my first post and/or topic on this board. I just wanted to introduce myself to everyone and give everyone new and old to introduce themselves as well.

I'm 29, from Boston, Massachusetts and am an addict.

I look forward to joining the board.

Hope your having a great day.

--------------------
"I wasn't lying. Things I said later seemed untrue." - Nixon
  Top
Posted: February 8, 2009, 11:09 PM


Posts: 2606
Joined: August 18, 2005



Welcome Scott

Hows Boston these days?- - Havent been up there in a few years

I think you will find the site helpful,insightful, and supportive

talklater,
jack

--------------------
"The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over."
— Hunter S. Thompson[COLOR=blue]
  Top
Posted: February 8, 2009, 11:20 PM


Posts: 37
Joined: February 8, 2009



QUOTE
Welcome Scott

Hows Boston these days?- - Havent been up there in a few years

I think you will find the site helpful,insightful, and supportive

talklater,
jack


Hey Jack.

Things in Boston have been pretty awful weather wise. After a few mild winters the snow definitely came this year.

In terms of other diabolical "things," I feel like I need to get out of here for that reason alone. But I know location change isn't a cure-all.

I love the city though. Aside from the winters, I love living in the Northeast.

Talk to you soon.

I hope others introduce themselves as well.

--------------------
"I wasn't lying. Things I said later seemed untrue." - Nixon
  Top
Posted: February 8, 2009, 11:26 PM


Posts: 1828
Joined: September 22, 2008



Hi Scott - I'm Alice and I'm an addict. I have four months clean. I live outside of Philadelphia. Welcome to the Board. Stick around. There are some fine people on this site. I am usually on the pain pills board but like to hang on the heroin board as well. Tell us some more about yourself.
  Top
Posted: February 8, 2009, 11:36 PM


Posts: 37
Joined: February 8, 2009



QUOTE
Hi Scott - I'm Alice and I'm an addict. I have four months clean. I live outside of Philadelphia. Welcome to the Board. Stick around. There are some fine people on this site. I am usually on the pain pills board but like to hang on the heroin board as well. Tell us some more about yourself.


Congratulations on the four months! :)

I'm from Boston. I've lived here my entire life. I've done my share of traveling and experiencing of other cultures, but that was until I turned into a freak show.

Ive been trying to do a lot of art lately. Kinda been keeping me occupied, being newly clean again. Here is a shot of some of my last work: [Block Printing]

user posted image

user posted image

--------------------
"I wasn't lying. Things I said later seemed untrue." - Nixon
  Top
Posted: February 8, 2009, 11:43 PM


Posts: 37
Joined: February 8, 2009



I did find this on the board randomly tonight and thought it was a great piece:


Posted by jackofharts June 21, 2005, 4:58 AM
QUOTE

A Day in the life of a dope sick junkie.

8am
Wake up with a start of fear. Am I sick? Not too bad, but I feel it coming on. Better catch this early. The fear rises, slight feelings of panic creep in. Okay, need a plan. Do I have any money? No...not today. Hmm, gotta be at work in an hour and a half. Think faster. More panic.
Ok, i'll call the man, I've gave him all my rent money last week, I should be good for some credit. Pick up the phone and call, no answer.
I'll call another connect, but little chance of credit and he sells garbage half the time. Again, no answer. Call my original connect again. No answer. Panic. Fear. Panic.
My nose starts to run. Sweating a little bit.
I'll sit and watch TV, kill some time....nothing of interest and the reception sucks. It was nice when I had cable. When I could afford such things. I find a show...I stare at it for a couple minutes. It doesn't hold my interest, nothing can hold my interest. I call again,
no answer.

9am
Still no answers, I've called several connections by now I got an answer from one, but as soon as I mention credit the conversation is over. TV still sucks....I would watch a Video, but I pawned the VCR and most of my movies a couple weeks ago. Panic. Fear. Anxiety creeps in. Sweating more, more snot, can't sit still for this. Ok what now? I have some cottons I can beat.
Get my works, pull out several cottons, hmm are these good for anything? I've already beat them twice. Desperation. I'll do it again.
Call one more time...no answer

10am
Beat the cottons, I clean my cooker with the plunger of my rig. I need to hurry. I have to get to work. I draw up the solution I've created. Any dope in there? Doesn't look promising. Looks like dirty water. Dare I shoot this into my veins? Of course I will, have I ever not? Run the risk of cotton fever? Doesn't matter, I'm getting sicker by the minute. The rig is old, dull, numbers worn off. I poke and stick and poke and stick. Try the other arm....crap. I'm a literal bloody mess. Go back to the original arm stick and poke and stick and poke. More bruises, more knots.....fun. I hit...it registers...it stops...it starts...I panic....push the plunger...a knot rises. Do I feel anything? No...i've just flushed a rig full of dirty water into my arm. Where's the phone? Better call work, tell them I'll be late.
I call them, make up a story...tell them I'm not sure when I'll be in.
Try to call the connect again....no answer.

11am
Snot running, cold sweats panic and fear.
Call the connect....he answers...thank god...I hope.
Hello?
yeah, you holding?
sure
Ok heres the deal, I don't have any cash right now but...
Sorry, can't do it
Oh c'mon, I've always been a good customer, give me a break
Not in a position to do that right now...sorry
please?
Sorry
I'll have cash by this afternoon(I lie)
Goodbye....
but...
*click*
I call back, he knows it's me....doesn't answer.
Doesn't he care about a miserable dope sick junky with no money?
no he doesn't

Ok, I've got to come up with some cash. Look around the house....
stereo...gone. CD's....gone. guitar....gone. This list goes on. I've pawned just about everything. I have a TV....it's old...the pawnshop won't even look at it. I've tried. Sick....
sick.sick. sick.

Ok, now what do I do? Who will give me 10 bucks? Parents? no...Sister?no...There has to be someone I haven't burned yet. Panic, fear. Sick.

Noon
I get an idea, I'll steal something and pawn it. From who?
well, I know how to get into my parents house. They have stuff they won't even notice missing. And I'll pawn it, and get it out later.
no you won't
yes I will
no you won't
yes I will
SHUT UP...YOU'RE SICK AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS RIGHT NOW!!! YOU NEED TO GET WELL and FAST!
Of course you're right.
I get in my car. The gas guage reads EMPTY. Don't care...it'll get me there...then to the pawn shop...then to score.....i hope.
I'm at my parents house....I go into a closet where they keep things they rarely use.
I find a couple items of interest. An old video camera, a 22 rifle and a crock pot.
To the pawnshop....I set the stolen Items of the counter.
Video cameras too old...won't take it.
They laugh at the crock pot....what the hell are you thinking?
I shrug (I'm sick---don't you know a sick junky when you see one?)
The 22 rifle...it's old, worth 15 bucks. I take the money....
Leave the pawnshop....find a payphone...call the dealer.
No answer....
I'll go across town and score on the street.
Sick,panic,fear anxiety....
I stop...put one dollar worth of gas in my car...get a pack of cheap smokes.
The sick is hitting harder.

2pm
I start my drive accross town. I have the money in my hand...the sick builds...anxiety....anticipation...sick....
my stomache turns...I have to pull over...
Up it comes....I empty the contents of my stomache...bile and snot that's been running down the back of my throat. There hasn't been any food in there for a couple days.
I get back on the road...across town...
White boy driving around where I shouldn't be....don't care...sick
I look for someone holding....nobody...pay phone...
call my connect again....he answers...
Hey, you holding
yeah...what you want?
10 cents(I don't know why...but this means 10 dollars)
Well ok.... but I have something else I have to take care of first
But I need it now
You'll have to wait, I have other customers willing to spend more.
well...ok...where do I meet you?
Call back in 45 minutes.....
ok...i guess...
*click*
I drive around a little more...still can't find anybody...
Probably better....dealers on the street sometimes sell dirt or coffee grounds to desperate junkies.
Go home....wait...45 minutes...call connect...he answers
Hey
It'll be another 30 minutes....
no way
sorry
ok
I wait, anticipate, fight the sick...wait....

4pm
I call....he answers...
I'll be there in 10 minutes
ok
bye
*click*
10 minutes pass, 15, 20, 30,
I call again...he answers
I'll be right there
please hurry...
I said I'll be right there
*click*
And he knows I'll wait, I always do.
I sit...sick...but at least I know it's going to end shortly.
Only temporarily....but at least it will end.
He knocks at the door...
I give him my 10 bucks....he gives me what I live for...
No small talk, I don't care about him anymore and he doesn't care about me.
He leaves....
I get my works....cook up my shot....begin the process of finding a cooperative vein.
My hands are shaking
I poke and stick and poke and stick. Try the other arm....crap. Go back to the original arm stick and poke and stick and poke. More bruises, more knots.....more fun. I hit...it registers...it stops...it starts...I panic....push the plunger...a knot rises. I missed. I cry
I wait
I feel better,
not high, not euphoric
Just not sick ....for now....

5pm
I call work, I won't be in. They tell me this is starting to happen too often.
I tell them It won't happen again.
Yes it will....

I spend the rest of the day staring at crap on the TV.
Smoke cigarrettes.....call some junky friends...maybe they have a little something that they can share...
They don't

9pm
Go to bed, sleep a little, of and on...getting a little sick...somehow I get some sleep...not good sleep but some sleep.

Next Day

8am
Wake up with a start of fear. Am I sick? Yeah, pretty sick, I could only fix once yesterday. The fear rises, slight feelings of panic creep in. Okay, need a plan. Do I have any money? No...not today........


This is what I have to remind myself of. Is this what I want to go back to?

No...of course not
ahhh- but will I ??


--------------------
"I wasn't lying. Things I said later seemed untrue." - Nixon
  Top
Posted: February 9, 2009, 12:20 AM


Posts: 8675
Joined: April 24, 2007



Hey Scott, you're pretty good at the quote thing for a newbie.

Mother of a recovering cross addicted daughter (cocaine, heroin). I am in your area, south of Boston, and I highly recommend the board as a place to find support. You sound pretty cheery for an addict making a first post...where's your head at? You okay with where you are? Working recovery? Stuck in a rut? Going to meetings? Inquiring minds want to know? (Okay, so nosy mothers want to know...whatever =)

The post you found was Jack's from a couple years back...good stuff.

Welcome - MomNMore

This post has been edited by MomNMore on February 9, 2009, 12:21 AM

--------------------
You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.

user posted image
  Top
Posted: February 9, 2009, 6:24 AM


Posts: 2606
Joined: August 18, 2005



Yeah, I wrote that 4 or 5 yrs ago. I was already on a methadone program at that time, it was just reminding myself of the "ground hog day" like horror.

You know - when you wake up and think its going to be different- only in never is.
******************** ***************************
As a matter of fact, I just woke up drank my medicine and am having a little coffee to start the day. I get 6 take home bottles now. The last time I was there(at my clinic)- my counselor called me in. I knew it couldn't be for anything bad, (man, that's a good feeling)- so I walked in to see her and now because Im a patient in good standing ,who has stayed clean (no heroin or illicit drugs) for so long ,I was offered bi-monthlies- that means I would only have to go twice a month.-
I mean -OK- Im on methadone, but I know of the horrors of chasing heroin, and this drug therapy is keeping me away from that whole scene.
The problem is , the recent lay off . As most of you know my long time job of 13-14 yrs was eliminated ,do to this rotten economy (they decided to outsource everything,and now their is no need for a production supervisor anymore)
To get bi-monthlies they want to see your paychecks every now and then. They aren't going to give all those take homes to someone who isn't working.
It is going to be a problem after 3 months is up, and my severance pay is finished.- but Ill think of something. Hopefully I,ll have a job by then.

The prospects look bleak for someone my age to walk in and receive all that I was making and all that I had worked for- right from the beginning- I certainly wasn't a management type who can demand certain things like I had.
However,I should be able to find something,with time, to be satisfactory.
I'm not dissolutioned, I know sacrifices will have to be made,but what am I going to do?
Even after all this time,I know that not working,having all that time on my hands,an un-employment check coming in - could be a recipe for disaster. By going to work everyday ,I had a sense of purpose,I was full of confidence and my self esteem was high.- - I already feel the change, Im feeling a little lazy, growing a beard, and pretty much (if I get honest here) know that I have 3 months of pay and benefits coming. So I'm making doctor appointments and dentist appointments to use up all the insurance. Looking for work hasn't been on my radar yet -but Hell, its only been since 1/21/09.

OK- I made this entirely too long. I'm sure most lost interest a long time ago
Everyone have a good day

muchpeace&respect
jack

Edit to say- M&M,I didn't know you were from S.Boston- I went to Curry Collage for a yr in Milton ,MA- at the end of the RED line ,before I was accepted to B.C- (Then it all fell apart)- ok well talk later

This post has been edited by jackofhartzz on February 9, 2009, 6:33 AM

--------------------
"The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over."
— Hunter S. Thompson[COLOR=blue]
  Top
Posted: February 9, 2009, 9:51 AM


Posts: 87
Joined: February 11, 2005



I'm Kym mum of 3, I'm an addict, but havnt used for nearly 2 yrs now, have been on and off this forum for a few years. And I'm from england
  Top
Posted: February 9, 2009, 10:03 AM


Posts: 2606
Joined: August 18, 2005



Another Brit!!
Welcome
We just love you guys

jackfromTheStates

--------------------
"The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over."
— Hunter S. Thompson[COLOR=blue]
  Top
Posted: February 9, 2009, 10:03 AM


Posts: 8675
Joined: April 24, 2007



Good morning, Jack. Yeah, we are halfway between Boston and the Cape. Nice area and been here all my life except when I went ot college in Vermont. Curry College, still going strong and about a mile from daughter's godfather...pass by often.

Jack, hang tough...I have a feeling things are gonna start looking up for you when the weather turns...

Peace~M&M

--------------------
You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.

user posted image
  Top
Posted: February 9, 2009, 10:13 AM


Posts: 2606
Joined: August 18, 2005



Blue Hills rd- or something wasn't it?? The last stop on the Red line was Mattapan, if I can remember correctly from 1974 -75 "The Mass Yrs"

I used to hitch down rt 9 to Worcester (woo-sta) every week-end (old collage flame)

memories
jack
I loved the cape- but was it it with that little rock that call "Plymouth Rock"- ??people must have chipped away about a ton of it thru the years

--------------------
"The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over."
— Hunter S. Thompson[COLOR=blue]
  Top
Posted: February 9, 2009, 10:17 AM


Posts: 1144
Joined: March 11, 2006



..Things..
..Welcome..
..Im Robbie from London..an addict currently on subutex..pleased to meet ya..
..Robbie..



--------------------
..The key to happiness is being grateful for what you do have..Rather than thinking about what you don't have ?..
  Top
thingsithinkithink
Posted: February 9, 2009, 12:19 PM







QUOTE
Hey Scott, you're pretty good at the quote thing for a newbie.

Mother of a recovering cross addicted daughter (cocaine, heroin). I am in your area, south of Boston, and I highly recommend the board as a place to find support. You sound pretty cheery for an addict making a first post...where's your head at? You okay with where you are? Working recovery? Stuck in a rut? Going to meetings? Inquiring minds want to know? (Okay, so nosy mothers want to know...whatever =)

The post you found was Jack's from a couple years back...good stuff.

Welcome - MomNMore


Oh, I've spent many a day on other message boards so I'm pretty hip to the code.

I'm trying to stay upbeat, been through it all before. Methadone, suboxone (Currently on), naltrexone, vivitrol, etc. Still relapsed. I even put together almost a year in 07 and fell off. I actually just got out of an outpatient program after a week stint in detox.

Were my head is... Well I'm still a mess. I'm currently doing the meeting thing and working recovery, not just "clean time." I am having apprehension about some of the step work though.

I'm happy I'm clean, but I'm not if that makes any sense?

I HATE where I am because I'm laid off and still trying to crawl out of the hole. Unemployment runs out in like 2 months.
  Top
daniegrl
Posted: February 9, 2009, 2:03 PM







Hey Scott,

My name is Danielle and I am from New Jersey. I came to the board (thank God) a while back because I needed to talk to someone. The people here are some of the most wonderful, smart, down to earth, helpful human beings I have ever come across. I am in love with an addict and needed some insight on how to deal with him and his problem. I've learned alot here and I am grateful for this sight.

My BF has been clean almost 90 days now and our lives have changed so much. One of the most important things these people have taught me is that IT CAN BE DONE! If you really really want it bad enough. One day at a time, one minute at a time.

Take care,

DANIE
  Top
Posted: February 9, 2009, 4:19 PM


Posts: 1944
Joined: July 7, 2006



So Scott you are hip to the code.....if there is such a thing.....and please dont quote me.My name is David im from Ireland,but spent more than 10yr. as an addict in London,i thought coming back to Ireland would solve all my problems....not a hope.I have been clean 2+yrs apart from a few one day slips,im on a l/t methadone script(80)ml,which to me has worked wonders....ive got a skilled job as a welder.....but who knows whats ahead of me in these times of unemployment also i have custody of my 9yr.old daughter....reason being my ex.is a chronic heroin and crack addict.Now ive said my piece maybe you should let us know about you,seeing you named the thread THE OFFICIAL!!!etc......Im a bit wary of things official LOL Scott welcome pal....ya will find plenty of good folks on here to chat to and exchange views.Take it handy...... .... Davey.
  Top
Posted: February 9, 2009, 11:22 PM


Posts: 37
Joined: February 8, 2009



@ daniegrl - Thanks for the support. I try and take things in the moment, I can't seem to keep myself in the day.

@ Davey1 - Well, my story... I'm basically a little over 2 months clean and am currently taking 24mg of suboxone per day. (8mg X 3 times a day). I've tried numerous avenues before. Inpatient. Outpatient. Solo. Scott's plan. Nothing has ever worked for me. The most clean time I had was 11 months until my ex-fiancee and I broke up. Then I fell off the wagon until this last attempt at recovery.

I find that the meetings help. I'm also in a group every Tuesday in Jamaica Plain and that helps in itself. But the step work and the meetings has really helped so far. I figure I'll keep going until I get it... Boy, I really need to "get it" and actually keep it this time. I'm just going to end up dead or in jail.

It's funny how life puts tests in front of you constantly. Tonight, at a meeting, I ran into the kid who shot me up with dope for the first time. It brought back plenty of memories. We used to run together. He's still a junkbox. Caught on Monday with a half finger of dope in a school zone. Not to mention it's his fifth offense. Can anyone say repeat offender? He's effed. It just reiterated to me that is the road I am traveling. But it doesn't have to be that way.

I won't lie though, it did make me think of using and I am still working through it, but as long as I don't use today I'll be ok. Who knows about tomorrow. But today? I am staying clean.

QUOTE
Yesterday's history
Tomorrow a mystery
Today is a gift
That's why it's called the present.


This post has been edited by thingsithinkithink on February 9, 2009, 11:22 PM

--------------------
"I wasn't lying. Things I said later seemed untrue." - Nixon
  Top
daniegrl
Posted: February 9, 2009, 11:58 PM







hey again Scott,

I am so glad that your clean. your story is VERY similar to my BF. he was on a raod to either death or jail. our relationship was in the s***ter and his family was done with him. the only difference is that he quit cold turkey. he was running HARD and shooting up to almost 15 bags per day. the first three or four days he did the suboxone. he stopped that because he said he didn't want to go from one dependancy to another. it took about a month for him to feel normal and take that first solid crap, but he did it. and now he just celebrated 90 days clean. HE SWEARS by the meetings and most days he hits 2 per day. morning and evening. he has a sponsor and also does the Tuesday night thing where they work the steps. I am so proud of him. He has yet to tell me that he is proud of himself because he is still trying to work through the guilt of all the s*** he put himself, me & his family through during his addiction. It was the worst time of my life......wondering every time the phone rang if it was going to be news of him dead or in jail. just wondering..... have you thought about tapering yourself off of the sub? I've heard it's not so bad to come off.

anyway, you came to the right place. there is ALWAYS someone here for you to talk to at all hours of the day and night. It's been a blessing to me. The people here have kept me sane. I can't tell you the hours I have spent reading stories and nightmares. I have laughed and cried while taking it all in.

Take care of yourself and stay in the moment if that is what works for you. Like they say in the meetings......Just for Today. Whatever happens, pick up the phone, call your sponsor, log onto the board and talk to someone.....just don't use. Play the tape. That's what my BF says. Every time he thinks of picking up even just one more time...he plays the tape in his head. The tape is where he was at 90 days ago when he "hit the wall" and nobody wanted anything to do with him. Even the dealers couldn't stand him anymore.

All the best to you and God Bless.

D
  Top
Posted: February 10, 2009, 12:41 AM


Posts: 37
Joined: February 8, 2009



QUOTE
Blue Hills rd- or something wasn't it?? The last stop on the Red line was Mattapan, if I can remember correctly from 1974 -75 "The Mass Yrs"


@ jackofhearts - Yeah, Blue Hill Ave. I take that to my Tuesday night groups in Jamaica Plain, MA.

Hey daniegrl,

I have to give you a huge kudos for sticking by your man. I know many times us addicts aren't that lucky to still have those we care about in our lives. When we get clean, anything is possible, but until that day, many of us are out of luck. And rightfully so.

With all this guilt shame and self loathing I harbor toward myself (which, in itself, was a source or "excuse" for my using) I can completely understand exactly where your boyfriend is coming from. I've tried to get clean so many times, I have numerous one day key chains as well as 30 and 60 days. It's been a 13 year battle that started waging war when I was 16.

In terms of the suboxone, I've kicked methadone cold turkey, oxy's cold turkey and dope cold turkey. I've been on suboxone plenty of times, but I never took it as prescribed. I'd use it to either get by or sell it to cop. This time I take it as directed so I'm not too sure about the whole detox from them. I've been tapered off it in detox units and had no issues. Some minor stuff like sleep and going to the can.... the usual suspects that come right along with addiction/withdrawal.

One thing that you said really made me think. When you said about substituting one addiction for another, it made me think of the argument I've heard (but don't agree with) that if you're clean of all drugs except the suboxone, you're not really clean. I've heard numerous takes on this situation and I don't really agree with that. But on the flip side, I can't give a drug a free pass because it's prescribed. [IE OXYS].

Anyway, I wish you and your boyfriend the best. He's a lucky man to have you by his side supporting him. I'll keep both of you in my prayers.

...And congrats to him on his three months!!

If you ever need to talk you can always reach me here or on my email which is thingsithinkithink@gmail.com

This post has been edited by thingsithinkithink on February 10, 2009, 12:45 AM

--------------------
"I wasn't lying. Things I said later seemed untrue." - Nixon
  Top
Posted: February 10, 2009, 12:48 AM


Posts: 1828
Joined: September 22, 2008



Hey Scott - I forgot to compliment your artwork. Pretty cool stuff! Do you make the blocks and then stamp them? How do you do that type of work?

I hope you stick around. This is an interesting bunch. So how do you like us so far??
  top of page  Top