Newbie - I Want To Quit
Posted: May 17, 2017, 7:33 PM

Posts: 0
Joined: May 17, 2017

Hi Everyone,

I'm a newbie and have just registered for help. I started taking powder cocaine approx. 3 years ago. At first I thought I was in control but over the last few months I've been a regular user, almost using every day.
I'm married, have kids and have a good job, but can't seem to get past planning my life around when my next hit will be.
My main concern is health, the thought of my family of what I'd put them through if anything happened. I do sometimes get twinges in my chest and erratic heart beating, which does worry me. Before I crave, these thoughts don't come into my head, its only the guilt and regret afterwards.
I've not told my wife, or family, I'm afraid of admitting defeat as they all see me as the strong person. Should I tell my wife? Should I visit my GP?

Please can I ask for some encouragement and any similar stories - many thanks...

This post has been edited by swordfish on May 18, 2017, 8:56 AM
Posted: May 22, 2017, 9:19 AM

Posts: 1716
Joined: June 27, 2016
Posted: November 26, 2017, 5:48 AM

Good plan on your part. BUT yes, theres always one of those around what happens when you want to get off the pill? How much effort does it take to get off that?
Posted: January 15, 2018, 10:30 PM

man it was a tough ride for me the longer you stay in the wierder it gets and he more chances you take and you never know when your heart will just give out i was lucky cause i was the mighty hoover my next door neibhor was not he died of a heart attack in a crack house and they threw his body out of the house into the woods he had two little girls i always prayed to god while i was doing it not to let me kill myself it cost me a lot and people lied to me and used me stole from me cause they have games they play with you while you are out there under satans control and nobody gives a damn about you you have got to make up your mind to let that s*** go if you leave him alone for long enough he will leave you alone and you can get your life back your self esteme back and all those mother f***ers that are using you ? just get broke and they wiil disappear,pry to god and stop useing leave that mothf***er alone and he will leave you alome and you wiil see who your friends are you have to be your friend get off start useing protein spirulina creatne adn brewers yest you are what you eat that demond will leave you and you can get your life back
Posted: January 29, 2018, 4:35 AM

Posts: 49
Joined: February 7, 2013

My crack addiction has cost me so much money, time, and pain. The worst is the pain I have caused others. I wish i never mentioned a thing to anyone about my addictions looking back, but as a God-fearing man, I can't cry over spilled milk.

I may not qualify as a person that can grant the best advice. I am fresh off a relapse after 2 years of abstaining. I say abstain and not recover. There is a difference. I've romanced the high of my pleasures of smoking and erotica over and over again almost daily. I've been blessed with so much in the 2 years, however, my trigger which is money and free time, was squeezed and I went on a 2-day binge blowing $1300! I worried my wife sick b/c I ignored her calls and texts. Even though I told her straight up I relapsed, I couldn't tell her why besides I wanted to. I was on my way home when I admitted it but to ease the guilt, I turned around and stayed for 2 days smoking and mourning.

I love the high, I hate everything else about crack. Yet, if given the choice, the money and the time, I'd be on it. And believe me, as I write this as honest as I can, I hate it. I've been up all night mapping out my plan for picking up the pieces all over again. Starting over sucks. it really does. Makes the relapse more painful knowing all that trust that has been built is GONE.

But I'm still alive. God has been merciful. Now I didn't attend any meetings during that 2 year period of abstinence, but at this moment, I am having a change of heart. I'm in grad school and I have a great job. I have a daughter that is now in middle school and needs me. I have to keep myself busy. I can't have any free time.

Yet I still crave. It ain't dying. There are moments that I talk to myself and give me pep talks and that feeling of "i'm done" lasts for a few minutes and then its back to that crack trance. As I'm writing this, I have the attitude of "if I stayed away for 2 years, I can do it again. What did you learn?". I learned how bitter it feels starting all over again. I learned that I'm more messed up than i thought, however, I'm not going to beat myself up like i did in the past. This is me. I just don't want anyone else hurt.

I'm gonna use again. Don't know when, but i know I'm going to. Between then and now, I'm going to make every effort to create a new lifestyle so that it will be harder for me to take off and go binge. I need more accountability, more checks and balances. Some may say attend meetings and get a sponsor. Not feeling the whole sponsor thing. Shady characters where I'm from, however, I have a great counselor who I'm going to unload EVERYTHING on, and I have been blessed with great benefits. I can take it only one day at a time, because I am notorious for not finishing what I start, to include RECOVERY.

Hope this helps

All this happened for the sole purpose to help others fight this thing with all we got.
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