I Think Its Becoming A Problem...
Posted: April 18, 2017, 1:00 AM

Its almost 1 am and im high as a kite and my mind is racing 1000 mph. I dont feel like im an addict, i dont do it everyday, but at least once a week. I am 31 divorced with 2 kids, i have started completely over 3 times in 10 years and have finally gotten my s*** together. And then there was coke. I had only done it once in my life, when my ex husband introduced me to it. I didnt like it, and he loved it. Long story short his problem led to our divorce. Flash forward almost 10 years later. It started witg cigarettes at 16 years old after i had my first child. Then Marijuana at 18. Drinking a lot in my mid 20s.i started over for the 3rd time about 2 years ago. Thats when the drinking really started. I couldnt smoke weed where i was staying so i turned to alcohol to cope. Ended up meeting the love of my life shortly after my new start. He has a drinking problem. And i always knew this. Lots more happens in the coming months but thats another story.

One night he has a little coke. I decided to try it. At first i didnt like it, and only did it once in a great while. We work opposite shifts so fridays was our one night. I was always so tired, id pass out by 9... coke gave me energy like nothing ive ever felt. We had so much fun together, we have fun sober, but it was a way to spend that time together awake. What little time we got. And i dont know when it happened, but i stsrted to crave it and looked forward to our friday nights of partying... this was right before i moved into my own place for the first time ever... i worked my a** of to get my life together. We just kept having our weekends of fun of drinking and blow. It would only be on fridays and only about a gram. Then it was a ball. Over the next 6 months, i have found myself doing it more and during the week sometimes. S. I dont need it, i can live without it, and its 1 am on a mnday/tuesday and im high amd have to work in 6 hours. I know i need to stop. Im going to ruin everything ive worked so hard for. But i dont know how...but im going to try.

Im just rambling. Idk what im doing anymore
Life is amazing and i am so happy. I dont want to lose all of that because of this...
Posted: April 18, 2017, 7:10 PM

I'm the same. the thing is, I love it..... And HATE it. Its always lying in bed unable to sleep at stupid o'clock telling myself ''no more''. Then straight after work the next day I pick another 1 up!!!!! The money iv wasted on this sh!te is unbelievable and don't even wanna start finding a total number coz it would kill me. I really DO want to stop but just cant see it happening, thing is I 100% believe I need a girlfriend who is in same boat, some1 who I help and who helps me 4get about this evil dust and just be happy with 4ever. I'm 32 now and been single since 24, sad I know!!! But the only reason for that is cocaine. Suppose looking back I chose this stuff over a proper life, that's why Id love to find a girl who has same problem to be with.

I'm Adam btw....
Posted: April 18, 2017, 8:11 PM

Hi adam. Im suzy. My bf and i both want to stop. I love it and hate it too, i know exactly what you mean. I dont do it everyday, but we will do a ball on a friday night like its nothing. The things i could have bought with that money. I make sure my kids and bills are paid first, my habit never comes before any of that. But i cant help but wonder if its just the beginning of a black hole... no coke today but you bet i got a couple tall boys. I tried not to, but i did
I know i havean addictive personality, but i dont think any of it is truly ruining my life? Idk. But where is the line (no pun intended)? How do i know. I feel im in control. But i desire it.. we have talked about quitting blow, drinking and so on and so forth. But neither of us are truly holding eachother accountable or making that first step. I love coke, and that scares me.

Posted: April 22, 2017, 8:54 PM

Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015

Hi, I'm not addicted to anything but my daughter is. She has lost everything she's ever had in her life because of drugs. I know that you must know your playing with fire here. I don't do drugs but I have enough sense to know that if your craving something that's addictive then your becoming addicted and it's time to quit. For goodness sake stop now before you lose your children and everything you've worked hard for. Because it can happen before you know it and in the bat of an eye your life as you know it will be gone and you'll have nothing left. So please quit while you can and if your already stuck, get help for yourself! Go read all the other posts of people addicted to coke. Some were once where you are at now. The deciding moment. That very point where they wished they had quit. Good luck.

This post has been edited by Mandm on April 22, 2017, 9:06 PM
Posted: June 10, 2017, 6:41 PM

I was exactly the same, and the part about being monday at 1am and worrying about working in 6 hours was where I was 10 years ago before I escalated to shooting pills/and coke. I was 22 the first time I thought there might be an issue. The issue here is you will have to judge whether or not your usage is affecting your life. Its seems to be in some ways. and there is preocupation with using the drug you said you never had before. I've seen this a million times. One event that leads to something negative about your usuage. If you don't think it's an addiction now, you will use more and cause more damage. The key to this story about yourself is the preoccupation that would worry me the most. I know people who maintained using indirectly by hitting a party and the drug was there and they said what the hell let's get a gram. But the drive to want to get to friday and worrying about sleep, money etc etc. I wish these were my only problems today and I listened. But who the f*** listens to anyone. I can just give you perspective and hope something happens. Maybe it already has since this post is a bit older.
Posted: February 1, 2018, 9:51 PM

Posts: 1
Joined: February 1, 2018

i can really relate to this. looking at the clock know u work soon telling urself no more then 10 mins later it needs to be more. It's such a horrible cycle. Like you I love life i just want a real one again because what i have now isnt life it's a nightmare.
Posted: February 5, 2018, 11:40 PM

Posts: 49
Joined: February 7, 2013


hang in there. you're doing the right thing by reaching out on the posts. Its a start. I have been through many things and this board has meant so much to me by me pouring out my emotions even though I was high. Even though many say don't vent or share when you just relapsed, and I understand why they have that position. My rants, or posts served a great reminder to me where I came from and it shows how potent my addiction is, but it also shows my progression to where I am now. Through the boards I'm seeing how even I can be helpful to someone, and that feels so much better than being high. I relapse a few weeks ago using my drug of choice, and I shared it. I can now relate w/ those that have abstained for a long period of time. But before i got there I was on it more frequently. Today I made my first pre-relapse call. And I can now share what that feels like to you.

It gets better. But you won't' know immediately. I swear I sound like I been to NA meetings regularly, but I haven't. But what they say is the truth. I just not into the groups and all the people. Thats one of my issues that I will overcome. but for now, I have the boards, and i have you . Thanks for posting.

All this happened for the sole purpose to help others fight this thing with all we got.
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