Posted: August 10, 2015, 10:53 AM

Posts: 0
Joined: August 10, 2015

Hey, new poster here. I just have some questions that I can't find answers to on the net. So I've been sober for about 4-5 months now and feeling amazing, but I keep getting this flashback type of feelings. When I was using (coke) I would get extremely depressed and a feeling of hopelessness and even suicided when I was coming down. That's the feelings I keep getting. At the most random times, and only for a short period but it's freaking me out! I'll be at work having a great day and all of a sudden it hits me, just like I was coming down off a bad night and it kills my good mood. Anyone else experience this or have any clue what's going on??
Posted: August 19, 2015, 1:55 PM

Posts: 262
Joined: June 27, 2015

Hello, I am not In the time of my life were I'm sober. I'm a heroin addict and have heard by many people that just when ppl think the clouds have been lifted, that's when the personality change comes in. They notice themselves angry as he'll, mad or sad. But mostly angry. And it's like that for a couple of months or so until they go back to normal. But personal experience I do t have with that. Just a hard time trying to get sober.sorry I'm not of any help.
Brandyn L
Posted: December 19, 2015, 9:59 PM

Hey there, i am coming off of a coke addiction where it was heavy daily use morning - night for about 3 months. There was many times where when I was trying to go to bed after days without sleep or even times where I was just really high and burnt out, that I would get panic attacks and tremor. I would feel extremely depressed and like my life is coming to an end. I am doing much much better mentally and physically now but still experience minor flashbacks to these times where I would tremor and have anxiety attacks. I feel it's a fairly normal thing when you are going through withdrawal. I also had an mdma overdose 2 years ago and still have flashbacks to that night. I don't use anymore but when you have bad experiences with drugs I feel it's easy to have flashbacks. Kind of similar to ptsd.
Posted: August 22, 2017, 2:30 AM

I know exactly the feeling. I'm a recovering addict from many different things and struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts both with and without drugs. I have also only been sober about 5 months now. I often get horrible flashes of nostalgia, sometimes out of the blue, but mostly when I'm listening to or watching something I used to enjoy while high. Avoiding everything I used to enjoy while in active addiction is sometimes unrealistic. I'm a very optimistic, spiritual being most of the time, but there is a darkness that creeps up on me pretty often and I don't understand it. It's like there's a completely different person living in my mind. I feel like a fairly normal person in every other way. I've been trying to get clean for awhile now, but this is the longest I've ever been sober. I have hit the same walls every single time. The darkness comes back, sometimes out of nowhere. I often feel like I'm reliving my worst moments of addiction because the feeling of hopelessness and nostalgia is so powerful. It KILLS me inside. It's like there's a monster inside of me, begging to come out to play. It wins every time. I've done plenty of soul searching, been to plenty of treatment centers, been to the lowest of lows and there is still a part of me that wants to use. I don't get it. I hate it. I KNOW what drugs and alcohol have done to me and I KNOW what's going to happen every time and I go out and do it anyway. It's like someone else is controlling my mind and body and I'm just watching it happen. Sometimes it feels like the obsession and depression will never go away. I'm told that these feelings go away after some time. The problem is, how many times can I fight this feeling off? How long does this have to go on before it gets good? In my mind, I think, "Well what's the point of staying sober if I'm just going to be miserable anyway?" This is how my disease talks to me. This feeling of hopelessness is nothing more than a delusion. I do have a good life when I'm able to stay sober. I've discovered that there's a part of me that loves the misery and chaos of addiction, the part of me that doesn't care if I'm alive or dead. I still struggle with this every day. I'm terrified that I will give in again one day. I can't afford to use again. I know I will die. I never fully grasped it when everyone told me "one day at a time" until recently. I may not stay sober for the rest of my life. That's none of my concern. Today is my concern, every day. As long as I keep that in mind and I'm willing to do the right thing just for right now, it usually turns out okay. Sanity always returns as long as I don't use. The thoughts of suicide and hopelessness will go away. I have to believe that. So yes, sobriety can be miserable at times, but active addiction wasn't any better for me. Plus, my thoughts are often distorted and a lot of times I turn little feelings into big "end of the world" situations. It doesn't have to be that way. Nothing is ever as hard as I make it out to be in my own monster of a mind. I find that as long as I relax and focus on the solution rather than the problem, I find my way back to peace of mind. Stay strong out there. You're not alone. There are many like us. This is part of the process.
Posted: August 22, 2017, 10:34 AM

Posts: 521
Joined: August 28, 2016


So well said and exactly what my son says and goes through!!

Thanks you!--
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