Feeling Desperate
Posted: October 24, 2019, 9:46 PM

I’ve been sober before. My longest stretch was two years. Last year I went six months. Today I want to go forever. I was always afraid of life without alcohol but I am suddenly much more afraid of life with it. But how long can I hold onto the fear?

I feel so desperate. I drink to ease anxiety but that’s no solution and as a recovering anorexic as well it actually fuels anxiety.

I am crying in a crappy hotel room on a business trip. I didn’t drink today but last night could have been bad. It wasn’t but it really could have been. Strange city, drunk, got lost..

I’m a 36 year old woman who feels 14 inside. As a survivor of an extremely abusive mother and good old biology, I have PTSD, ADD, OCD, depression, and a largely unaddressed tendency towards anorexia. Obviously my problems are many more than just drinking but it’s such a dangerous addiction.

I just don’t know how to do this and I feel so alone. Every single member of my family is addicted to something and my parents are the cause of the PTSD so even if they weren’t addicts also I couldn’t trust them. My boyfriend and I have been dating less than two months and I don’t want him to see this about me and run. I want to help myself before I lose him, my job, etc. I want to say I’m a recovering alcoholic, not that I need him to help me because that’s too much too soon.

How do you do this alone? Does anyone else feel this alone and desperate? I’m looking for a therapist but haven’t gotten one yet. They’re so expensive but I know I can’t do this without addressing the rest of the alphabet soup.

I just want someone, anyone, to tell me that I can do this and that if I do, it’s all going to be okay. I want someone to really look at me and tell me that I, specifically, can do this.
Posted: October 25, 2019, 5:45 AM

Posts: 6239
Joined: January 5, 2008

YOu can do this! AA, therapy and a combination of other things helped me get sober and stay sober. If you cannot attend a face to face AA meeting check out stepchat.com.. you will find support there

Thank God for what you have. Trust God for what you need
Posted: January 4, 2020, 4:29 PM

Posts: 10
Joined: January 4, 2020

Dear Thinkful,

I was addicted to alcohol and then later drugs for many years. Being drunk and high made life feel like it made sense. When I was high or drunk, I felt like everything was okay.

Only, a few days later, reality would smack me in the face like a truck.

I know you feel alone right now, but you are not alone. Now before I go to the cliche of: "God is right there" I would like to challenge you to something:

I was desperate, and willing to try anything. I decided to take up a friend on an offer to attend a Christian addiction treatment. The change was immediate. It's been years since I have touched any substance or even a cigarette. They're absolutely free, they offer counseling, deliverance from depression and inner healing. I challenge you to give them a call, and hopefully decide to attend a meeting. I swear, if nothing happens, you don't ever have to go back.

I would be more than happy to share the link with you to their addresses and locations.

One more challnge: I challenge you to pray. To make a short, sincere prayer (not a religious prayer).

God, If you're real, please help me. I'm desperate and I don't know what to do. Please show yourself to me. In Jesus name: Amen.

God bless and i know for a fact that you'll come out of this.

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This post has been edited by moderator on January 5, 2020, 10:01 AM
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