Aa Members That Hate And Bully
Posted: September 10, 2018, 10:25 AM

Posts: 1
Joined: September 10, 2018

I have been clean for the last 31 years during which I had been away from meetings for a good 10 to 12 years. My girlfriend of the last 7 years was diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer in the end of January, this year and I knew I needed to get back to meetings. She died mid June, and I've been regular at the same site at least 5 if not 7 days a week. What I didn't know was a member there had been harboring a resentment towards me. Due to my girlfriends brother living in Utah, the remembrance service and memorials at her grave site were put off until this past Aug. 25th I walked into the meeting on the following Monday after Sunday's Yard sale where her sister and brother sold as many of her belongings as possible at pennies on the dollar, with what didn't sell leaving in the back of a large dump truck. This person began to rage at me 6 inches from my face about how he hated me and didn't want me to talk to him, with threats, after I had said "Hello" and asked how he was.
Today I walked into the same meeting 3 weeks after the initial incident, and sat down in a visibly empty seat next to another seat that had a pair of sunglasses, which I thought belonged to the person sitting next to it. The person walked up to me saying I was in his seat, which I gave to him and moved his glasses into his hands, after which He began verbally abusing me in a tone that he assumed only I could hear. the person sitting next to me placed their hand on mine and I knew I wasn't alone. the Bully kept on with his verbal abuse until someone sharing had read something that applied to my situation and I broke into loud laughter. Breaking the Bullies attack, as people were looking at us. I had no idea that he was sitting in that chair and this Bully figured it was as good an excuse to continue to victimize me. What can an alcoholic do?
Posted: January 6, 2019, 1:13 PM

Posts: 243
Joined: December 21, 2018

Sounds like this is court ordered and he would be just as suited taking anger management meetings. He's there because he was forced to appease someone else.
Posted: July 16, 2019, 11:40 PM

Posts: 32
Joined: July 16, 2019

I have experienced people with long terms of sobriety who act very badly and harm other people.

There can be a lots of explanations, abstinence time does not necessarily equate to quality of sobriety.

This "bully" may be going through a rough patch.

You may have violated a local custom without knowing it.

This person may be a nonalcoholic drug addict that doesn't belong there.

Rule 62: "You just ain't that important." In other words, it ain't always about YOU.

Sometimes the problem is at least partly us.

Try other meetings, each meeting has a personality of its own.
Posted: July 17, 2019, 1:44 PM

Drama. I wouldn't be able to tolerate that sort of vengeful hatred. I would turn around and leave. That's why I'll never go to an AA meeting. Ever. Not saying AA is bad. It's not. But it's certainly not the only path to sobriety. Granted, it's EASIER if you have a roomful of likeminded people, some of whom are willing to walk up to that podium and address the audience, spilling their deepest, darkest drunken secrets.

But I'd much rather find an online group. That way nobody really knows who you are and there are no hurt feelings or people talking smack. No, I know that girl. She did this. OH MY GOD! Really? It's just too much drama.
Posted: July 17, 2019, 2:28 PM

Posts: 32
Joined: July 16, 2019


But for the grace of God there go I (and many others)!!!
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