post replypost new topic
Relationship And Porn Addiction
red






Posted: May 21, 2005, 4:38 PM
About nine months ago I managed to break up with a girl that I knew was not right for me. She had her own mental issues and it was taking its toll on me by driving me into drug abuse and depression. Once I got out of the relationship I managed to get clean from cocaine and have managed my depression through positive life changes like exercise, diet, therapy, medication, and abstinence from drugs. I have improved greatly, but I have found new problems.

I know that in my past relationship the reason why it was so hard for me to let go was based upon my low self-esteem and fear of abandonment. I did get a grip on those fears through therapy and rarel fall back into those negative thought patterns, however, I have exchanged one addiction for another. I know that my usage of porn is somewhat lite but it has overtaken any desire for physical and emotional relationships. I was let down immensely from my past relationship and have gotten a grasp on myself slowly and surely. Because of this progress I am afraid to lose it if I engage in another relationship and am let down once more. I am not sure if I can handle that type of psychic pain again.

I know that there is a sexual need that needs to be satisfied so to satisfy it I log onto porn sites every day and masturbate as if I am taking my daily medication. My sexual desire has come down to just this weird sort of maintenance and when I am presented with options to have actual sex I demure since I have no innate drive to do so like I used to. This worries me because it makes me wonder if I have the ability to actual engage in meaningful emotional relationships. I was just wondering if anyone else has gone through this type of weird masturbatory maintenance. This is definitely something that I would rather not bring up with the many people in my life and my therapist. For some reason I think the guy thinks I am a whiny twenty year old college kid that has nothing to worry about.

Thanks,

red


Posts: 7
Joined: August 5, 2005


Posted: August 5, 2005, 6:31 PM
<post removed>

This post has been edited by moderator on August 5, 2005, 6:42 PM
livingit






Posted: September 26, 2005, 6:14 PM
You seem to have a very good understanding of why you are doing, what you are doing. I think it is what my husband is doing this also.
My history...We have been married for 12 years and have two sons, 13 and 11. Ever since we were married, he has had a magazine around. Not a big deal to me as my father had them and when the boys were little, I didn't think anything about it. But they are now older and it bothers me that if they find this stuff (I just found about 40 DVD's) it will distort their views on what sex with a woman is. No intimacy. Just the sexual encounter. Those are my worries.
My husband, I believe is addicted to porn for the pure pleasure of getting off. He is addicted to other things also, so he has an addictive behavior. I don't believe he has much Dopamine in his brain! Now we no longer have sex. I can find him any night at about 3:00am in front of the TV having his "party". Makes me ill. Not that he is masterbating so much, as what he is masterbating to. He has turned our sex life into something that I can't enjoy, because I can't live up to the expectations that he has developed watching this stuff. He has forgotten that they are just actors. The men on them do have orgasims, but I really doubt that the women do. It isn't real. I am at a point now in our relationship, where I have to say, get help or leave. I have been hurt enough.
I hope that you will seek out a professional also with this. Like any addiction, it will continue to get worse without it. You can't do this alone. Not if you are finding that it is the only thing you think about and the rest of the world is going by you.
Wish you the best.
Guest






Posted: December 13, 2005, 6:03 AM
I am going through the exact same thing. It is like daily medication. I really don't llike what porn has done to me. It is nice to hear about a guy going through the exact same troubles as me.


Posts: 1
Joined: August 6, 2012


Posted: August 6, 2012, 1:34 AM
I have been in a long term relationship with my partner for almost 25yrs. Two years ago he dsclosed he is a porn and sex addict but decided he didnt trust doctors to get help from. He said he would use the same 12 step programe he used with alcohol addiction and do it by himslef, recently i found an envelope with two references to a dvd section on arse f***ing, please excuse the term. I was in shock and confronted him he admitted he "slipped" and accted like it was no big deal. Recently he has become a sponser for three alcoholic in recovery and also answers to another sponser. He said the other sponser doesnt believe porn and sex can be addictive. I am at a loss as to where to turn, he wont let me tell my family bout his addictions, i tried Alanon but got no response there for help. Not sure what to do and would be grateful for any advice.
guest






Posted: June 12, 2013, 11:31 AM
gabriel:

There are programs specifically for sexual addictions that might help. Many are based on the 12-step AA program, so that is a good start. But, being in an environment with people with similar struggles might be a help. I have found that "going it alone" is a very difficult path when it comes to any kind of recovery.

saa-recovery.org (Sexual Addicts Anonymous)
www.sa.org (Sexaholics Anonymous)
www.slaafws.org (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous)


Posts: 1
Joined: April 30, 2014


Posted: April 30, 2014, 3:54 AM
High, I am new to this message board. I am a porn watcher, and I have stated that I want to give it up for good, however, I find myself viewing it more and more. I have also stated that I let it manifest itself within my makeup, because women want will not go out with me, let alone build a relationship with me. I know that reason sounds like an excuse, but it is true, and the other reason is I don't put an effort into finding a great woman. Porn takes that place, and sometimes, I think it soothes my pain, but my spirituality has taken a big hit, and I feel shamed. I need help.
paulL






Posted: May 4, 2014, 12:50 AM
Hi red hawk, you ask for help, what kind of help are you looking for. Abstaining for masturbation, relationship help or something else. Don't know if I can but I would like to try and help. Can you get a bit more specific.


Posts: 33
Joined: June 24, 2014


Posted: June 28, 2014, 3:28 AM
Don't worry, you'll feel the desire again when somebody came to stole your heart.
post replypost new topic