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1 Year Weed Clean - My Life Will Never Be The Same

Posts: 474
Joined: February 24, 2013

Posted: September 5, 2014, 10:13 AM
Different approaches to quitting work for different people. Rehab and AA have worked for many - but they arent for people like me at all. If you 'believe' in something enough you can overcome just about anything in life. Belief in God, self, medicine/therapy , etc. It's up to the person making the decision and the type of personality they are.

Remember, sugar pills cure as much depression as prescription anti-depressants in many test groups. The placebo effect was as effective as real medicine in making people feel better....a cure when dealing with depression and anxiety.

just sharing...

Posted: September 5, 2014, 12:45 PM
Mindfullness meditation has done wonders for me. I also left school and had a "first love" end on my own terms (so I could go out and make love to who ever I wanted, turns out not so good bro) the problem was my mind set. On my whole reward system. Pot makes you uber aware of your environment but it drains on your brain and it is doin the repair phase that you feel miserable becuase your brain has been so often abused for pleasure. Any way I was really depressed (especially after I had been using hash concentrate most of the time I was smoking near the end) and I thought I was also intellectually deprived and messed up emotionally. Mediation... Meditation.. Can't stress it enough it literally felt like parts of my brain that I hadn't used for years suddenly woke up. If you can download the meditation program "Headspace" it will teach you how to meditate and learning how to was a big stumbling block fr me until I found this Andy fellow who developed this app/ program "Headspace" best of luck bro!

Posted: September 18, 2014, 5:47 AM
Hello, I am 29 years old and like many of you that have posted here; I started smoking when I was in high school. My story and and struggle is very similar to most of yours. I have often times tried to quit and never been successful, all my friends smoked and whenever we made plans to do anything lighting up a blunt was almost assuredly involved.

I went on vacation to India on August 27th of this year (about 3 weeks ago) and did not smoke the day before my trip nor today when I arrived back home. I have a bag of weed about 2 feet from my right hand and a slip of rolling papers under this keyboard. I have a small urge to roll up because I am jet lagged and have nothing else to do since its 5:23 A.M. and I woke up 3 hours ago. I am very fortunate for as of yet I have not had some of the severe side effects that some on this forum have described. I really feel I have a shot of quitting this time, although I am not very confidant of my will power. And fear my weakness will force me to give in now that I am back in the states with friends who smoke.

I used to be a genius and had the best memory out of anyone I knew. I remember once my friend was watching a show and it was a rerun of Spin City that I had already seen and I just felt like showing off and I went on to say line for line every word right before the actors said it on the screen for the next 5-10 mins until i got bored. A month ago I could start a conversation and be talking in length about something and half way through forget the whole point of why I had brought it up.... I was really ashamed of myself for how I had wasted the gifts God had been so generous to provide me.

I have begun to read "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg to better get a grasp for my addiction and hopefully learn new ways of breaking my poor habbits (weed is only one). Although I have only just started reading it I found the prologue to be most helpful and motivating. I also work at a gas station that is family owned where half my customers are pot heads. I used to also sell weed from my store due to this and didn't care if it the guys hanging around my store were smoking a cig or a blunt. It was all the same to me. I have not gone to work yet since I just landed about 12 hours ago and am very fearful that I might give in when I return to my job tomorrow. I really am nervous.

I am also motivated by the fact that I an now at least recall some of my dreams. And now though I may forget my point when linking two different things in a conversation I can more often than not remember what it was if I take a few secs to try and remember. I seem to differ from most of you in that when I was high I felt my anxiety and insecurities instead of now when im trying to quit. Even in the airport I had multiple conversations with strangers and exchanged stories of my travels and was eager to listen to theirs. I can't seem to remember some of their faces however and that scares me because I used to never forget a face. Now people come up to me often that seem to know me and I have no clue who they are although that may be in part due to my job. Seeing hundreds of new faces every day while high prolly took its toll on me.

I found that even now however, only a month after quitting my memory is improving that really helps me in wanting to continue to aspire to be drug free. I have read some of your stories and it gives me strength in knowing others are going through similar tribulations and coming out ok. It saddens me to think of how foolish I was to even start, but you can't change the past only mold the future and that is what I am attempting. I am getting married very soon and will have kids shortly after that God willing. I want to be a good father so that also strengthens my resolve because I want to be a role model for my children and that's a tough roll to play for a stoner.

I really enjoyed the post by Ditto on the first page of this post and will likely read it again after writing this post, if anyone is reading this and wants to quit I suggest not over thinking it and going with your gut. Also vacationing with non stoner friends/family to a place where weed is not easy to come by is also very helpful. I dont know what else to say, but I thank those of you that have left positive feedback and remarks to the OP although I am ashamed to admit I have already forgot his name but if I had to quit (Jeff or Simon). Likely I am wrong and yea I just want to get my life in order and reading stories of people with similar goals has really helped me thank you all.

Posted: September 19, 2014, 1:12 PM
Did win some Go-Chess against experts while stoned. The next games I'd quickly lose because the experts would consciously copy that same strategy my high brain spontaneously (and unconsciously) thought up..

Bong hits (especially of wax) or over-ingesting edibles make for a glass (sexy or redeyed) eyed moron disposition leaving the user feel like they're traveling far and fast when actually going nowhere (ideas with no action). Couldn't get anything done on the stuff even though the ideas came so I haven't used for a long time.

It's probably a bad idea to mix with alcohol- I've noticed drunk stoners are fairly stupid.

Posted: September 21, 2014, 12:03 AM
I'm glad that so many people are reaching out for help and sharing their stories.
It does get easier, but I find that having patience with myself is the hardest thing.
I've got nearly 11 months free & clear, for the first time in 7 years. It feels great but I do wonder about my continuing side-effects of recovery such as paranoia, anxiety, and sleep disordered.
It is helpful to hear that those can go on for quite a while....
I hope we all continue to work through it. There is Marijuana Anonymous in many states, worth checking out if you can. They also have online meetings.
buddha bless,

Posted: September 21, 2014, 9:51 AM
I have something to tell you brother, you are not stupid. You need to know that. You are an addict. I feel you personally need to surround yourself with possitivity like the way you'd always smoke weed. Any time you think of weed, find something funny on the internet, or go to a park and watch people and wish them well as you watch them. Put good stuff in your mind and heart. It's contagiuos and it'll give you good feelings while your brain recovers from all the years of wreckless smoking. Stay away from drugs for now. Put your self into your jobs. Focus on laughing as much as you can. And excersize a few times a week. Jumping rope is a good way. Do this all and you're on your way. The rest is up to you. You will then control your own destiny. You can do it! I'm proud to be a human being when I see people like you being real and honest and really trying to be more. Look for a purpose in life. You may find it is more about others than yourself. That will also help you to stop abusing yourself, so that you can be there for others. Love you man. You're on the path...Keep going!

Posts: 474
Joined: February 24, 2013

Posted: September 21, 2014, 8:59 PM
Great to hear from everyone...keep sharing.

Staying positive is very important when staying clean. I know that I seem to put off more when smoking and dont get much done. Then, when I quit I feel like crap for a few days and still wont get much done. I've found that I have to make myself follow a few routines or not much changes from when I was smoking. Exercise is CRUCIAL... I have to admit, in the beginning it can be rough, but my first goal was to just run 5 min a day.....5 MIN!! that's it , and I still had trouble starting.

And Andy? Yes...the high with ideas going nowhere thing you mentioned? SOOOOOO true with me. I have all these great plans and ways to start businesses...but no energy or action to pursue them. At some point I just have to put everything away for a while, roll up my sleeves, and knock out some of the workload I've been putting off. Which is where I am currently...

Sober...unmotivated...but aware I need to get some things done NOW, rather than later or nothing will change.

For me it's about momentum...Currently I have it moving in the right direction - so I dont want to jeapordize with going back to my familiar routing when smoking.

Posted: September 22, 2014, 6:49 AM
Hey mate, i can help you.... if you see this, email me. ptcuser3@gmail.com
I was in same place, i know how it feels.
I fixed myself, i can help you too.

Posted: September 26, 2014, 4:01 PM
It gets better over time, also try eating healthy and exercising. After quitting weed I had tons of anxiety and panic attacks, hating to even go out in public, had trouble focusing and concentrating, my conversational skills were s***. but its nothing you can't get back.

Its been about a year since I've quit and its been complete hell, but I can feel my concentration improving, my anxiety lessened and lessened as time went on, as of July I have had zero panic attacks. I'm getting my confidence back and socializing a bit more. I started going walking regularly in April of this year, and my energy levels and brain improved over time.

So don't expect to get better overnight, just everyday eat healthy, take vitamins, fish oil, exercise, drink water, and cut out mindless s*** like TV or movies that don't engage the brain. do games like tetris, chess, board games, sudoku, word searches, ad libs, the card game memory, also what helped me was writing down goals for the future often until my memory recovered.

Posts: 474
Joined: February 24, 2013

Posted: October 1, 2014, 9:15 AM
good advice Thomas

I can relate to the anxiety/depression thing you mentioned. I think in the short term pot can decrease these things, but in sobriety the anxiety and panic attacks you mentioned are much worse in severity because of the drug use. I extend this theory to the prescription remedies as well. The people I know who have addictions to these meds also experience much more anxiety and panic during the withdrawal phase than they did prior to becoming addicted.

Body chemistry is just that. Drugs are a supplemental chemistry that can have both good and bad effects. Take away the drugs, and you need to help yourself heal by eating right, exercising, and by using the mind to communicate and relate with others. All of these behaviors have a positive chemical effect on the brain and will help you recover much faster.

Unfortunately, most people in recovery mode will isolate (or be isolated), not take care of themselves physically, and mentally berate themselves for having got into trouble with drugs in the first place. They feel awful and self loathing....which leads to a profound sense of regret and anxiety....then they slip back into use.

If struggling to stay clean, understand what will make you feel better and start doing it. Because if you do nothing to get better, you will get tired of feeling down, and you will end up falling back into use. We all get sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. And when there is a pill...or a little smoke to make it all go away?

Get busy living....or get busy dying.

Posted: October 5, 2014, 8:50 PM
Have just read through all the posts and whilst I don't enjoy hearing of others hardships it feels good to know I'm not alone. I'm 32 next month and I've smoked every day for about 17 years. Wake and bake, smoke at work, then hit it hard in the evening. I managed to quit a couple of times in the past but just replaced the weed with heavy drinking and it wasn't long before I was back smoking again. I have noticed that my personal relationships have suffered down the years because of my lack of effort to do things other than sitting around getting high. I have a gorgeous girl who I've been with for 7 years and i recently looked through old messages on Facebook and my phone and noticed that a lot of messages she'd sent me had gone unanswered, i was obviously doing something that was better than talking to the best thing that ever happened to me. I made a big effort to be more involved in things and life has improved but i now realise that the weed was the reason I wasn't as interested as i should've been. So I've quit again and this time I mean it!

I've now been 6 days without a doobie and tbh my head is all over the place. Sleep has gone out of the window and I've been quite snappy at times. I have a huge amount of energy and can't switch off! But i know it will pass and i know I'll get better. I think that going to some meetings will help me get through this so i think i will try that. I've been going to the gym and cleaning a lot, and my dog has been going for lots of walks! Just trying to do positive things and visiting friends and family and all the stuff you can't be bothered to do whilst high. I feel better already. I know I can do this!

Try to stay positive people and whatever you do don't have a smoke! Much love to you all :)

Posts: 474
Joined: February 24, 2013

Posted: October 6, 2014, 11:50 AM

Smoking pot is like taking a mental nap sometimes. We all like naps, but if we do nothing but take them all day long very little gets done. It's a shame that 'just a little' pot every now and then is so hard to pull off. It usually ends to all-day-every-day smoking most of the time.

At your age I would highly recommend taking a long extended break from smoking. When I was younger I was very aware of my work ethic while high. I could get the required stuff done - but I had NO desire to do much extra. If you havent started a family or are unsetteled about your work, marijuana will make all those things much harder to achieve.

If you slip up or have tough times - write about it, it helps others AND helps you as well.
My name is also josh

Posted: October 7, 2014, 3:53 PM
Hi guys, reading these post they all make sense, i have also been going through alot of these symtoms recently, googling about mental illness, litterally driving myself crazy, think like the above has said 'i hope i dont stay this way' im hung up on coughing and sniffing, i have a really supportive family but im too blind to see it. im very hostile about every thing! i split up with my girlfriend weed litterally has f***ed me up FOR NOW i wont let it, im trying to fight all the things that are trying to weaken me, i used to be a hillariously funny guy with amazing social skill, im now a shy mess and can barely keep a conversation going about my wishes and beliefs, i just seem to want to talk about whats going on in my head and they are depressing symptoms usually, know one who is happy wants to talk about these subjects as i remember the way people used to when i was ' normal' reading these comment gives me great belief i can beat the depression and paranoid mentally i current possess. hears to positive vibes and good mental health. i hope it comes sooner :)

Posts: 474
Joined: February 24, 2013

Posted: October 8, 2014, 10:31 AM

When you first quit marijuana after a long spell of smoking you will go through the depressing feelings you describe periodically. You were in a 'good mood' artificially when you were smoking , and now you can replace the good mood so easily - it takes work. You have to get out and socialize, become involved in things, have conversations with people. Your old self will come back.

The brain gets out of equilibrium when it has been exposed to a drug for any extended length of time. It does return to normal , but it takes time. If pot were in pill form from a prescription , you would take a lower dose progressively over time to bring yourself back into equilibrium. But pot doesnt come in a form that allows you to do this. I have answered this problem with only allowing an 'escape' once a month (I keep trying to stretch this). This is dangerous though, I wont lie. You realize how much you like it when you smoke it again....it's that REALLY 'good mood' feeling where life seems so much more hopeful and bright. But it's too easy to fall back into every day use - so dont play around with this unless you have no other option.

The funk you feel is from your brain chemistry being out of whack. Worrying that you have done irrepperable damage, and you will never be normal again only heightens the anxiety you already feel because you dont have your 'feel good' crutch. Marijuana can make you falsely content, this means you put off things you shouldnt. So if it cost you a relationship , or job, or other things in your life you will blame yourself intensely, and the regret will make you feel down the way you describe.

Just do the things that promote mental health....read up on neuroplasty...PAWS...go to sites like lumosity and attempt to improve your mind. This is fixable - give it a try.

This post has been edited by DAC on October 8, 2014, 10:33 AM

Posted: October 8, 2014, 10:51 AM
I'm on day 38 bt feeling post acute withdrawal symptoms n its like i have no energy bad sleep i been smoking since 19 bt picked up more around 22 when my mom passed away n when my son was born i previously quit last year around 420 up til like my bday on july 25 n by August i picked back up using it heavy then cut back from 3 a day to 2 a day then i would make myself wait to get sum more weed .....i was ok last week and before after my 2 weeks sober bt the symptoms eased back up on me. I have no energy i get out n walk i been taking multi vitamins from when i 1st quit im wondering when i will feel better i've been eating healthy n still getting these symptoms why i should've quit last year y i was feeling awsome bt i thought i could control it bt relapse hit me i c n times fly when u smoke bt when it comes to recovery its seems to be more slower n not as fast as when smoke. Im experiencing all the withdrawal symptoms this has to offer. It would just help to hear someone story on recovering how long did it take for these symptoms to lessen. Just went to nothing bt energy and doing good n back to being s***ty as if i were in my 1st week. Words of enlightenment would help. Thnks and god bless

Posts: 474
Joined: February 24, 2013

Posted: October 11, 2014, 11:19 AM

The depression/anxiety phase is just part of the quitting process. It is different with each person. I would experience this as well - it seemed to get the worst around 6-8 weeks. A lot of the times I went back to smoking were about this time. I have gone through this without giving in though, and when I stayed away for 8 months at a time each year I seemed to get completely over the depression as well.

Unfortunately, the 'bottom' we all talk about sometimes isnt reached until AFTER quitting the drug. Keep sticking it out - it WILL get better.

Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011

Posted: October 11, 2014, 11:42 AM
Quitting is one thing. Staying quit is another thing.

Go to an open NA/AA meeting and talk to the oldtimers there who have been clean/sober for 20-30 yrs. They will explain the recovery process to you.

All the best.

Bob R

Serenity Prayer
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous

Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line:
Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf

Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf



--- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity.

---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

... I need AA more than it needs me.

--- I fight recovery tooth and nail....
I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural.

...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know.

---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it.
Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it.

--- I didn't have a very happy childhood
but I sure am having a long one !

---Dry since 1989
working daily on getting/staying SOBER.

---If you want to drink, that's your business
...If you want to quit, that's AA's business.

... Tell me, I'll forget;
... Show me, I'll remember;
... Engage me, I'll understand.

---Most problems are psychological.
Most solutions are spiritual .

"If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego."
--Richard Rohr

WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do)

Posted: October 12, 2014, 7:00 PM
crazy........didnt realise other people were struggling as much as me. smoked weed daily for 20 yrs and been clean for almost a year, but am under the care of mental health services for anxiety, depression, paranoia etc. i too championed weed for years but in all honesty it has ruined my life and my families. i only hope things will improve for myself and everyone on here who is struggling especially with the whole identity crisis thing, its just so effin aweful.

Posts: 1
Joined: October 15, 2014

Posted: October 15, 2014, 6:29 AM
Dear Ben,

I know it is a long time since you last posted but I wanted to congratulate you and check how you are getting on.
I am not personally a smoker (just evil cigarettes) but my boyfriend is/was.
He has stopped for little under a month and although i know it is hard for him, he is driving me insane.
He was smoking for perhaps under 10 years daily, several joints a day. i could not even tell you how many, aside from that when I was home after work, he would smoke around 4, so not sure how many would have been before that.
Ever since he stopped, he has had incredible mood swings and anger that he directs at me. It is very hard for me to handle and although I am willing to help, his newly found mean streak is getting too much for me.
He turned from lazy but sweet and caring to mean and nasty. he told me the worst things I have ever heard such as "I could not have children with you, you wear glasses and your dad is bald", or constantly calls me stupid or gives out about very minor things. I know he has no job at the moment and he is trying to get himself back on tracks but there is so much I can take and I feel bullied and hurt on a daily basis.
I would like to know if you had any advice for me, as to how I can help him with his pain. I love him very much and he deserves much better than what he inflicted to himself. He is not willing to talk and refuses to acknowledge that withdrawal has anything to do with his behaviour.

Thank you for your help and good luck with everything you hope to do. You deserve it!

Posted: October 16, 2014, 2:33 PM
wow, loved all the posts!

1 day clean : )
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