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Posted: January 19, 2021, 12:14 PM
My girlfriend of 4 months recently returned from 28-day treatment program and told me she cheated on me with another client while in treatment. She was telling me in the interest of being honest. In a weird way, I appreciate her honesty. But she still cheated, which I’m not okay with. I’m just curious if this is something common for people to cheat on their partners while away in treatment? And how much leeway should I give her because she was having a rough time in treatment? I’m not totally convinced that’s a good enough reason. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced or knows of something similar to this and any thoughts?
Posted: January 19, 2021, 5:52 PM
Welcome to this board & sorry you are here. This is a great place to post concerns, fears, anger, etc. that comes with loving an addict. We will give you encouragement & we will never just or condemn you.
This is an extremely personal decision you have to make & it is a good choice to ask others who have been in this situation. And my addict is my son, so personally I don't have that experience. However I'm pretty dang sure that most, if not all, rehabs have strict rules about starting relationships while in rehab. So, yes she was having a difficult time in rehab because she wasn't following the rules! Were you having a difficult time when she was in rehab too? I guess it boils down to Can you forgive her? Can you forgive this + everything else you are going to have to move past? Is she going to expect you to not talk about it so SHE can focus on her sobriety?
I wish you a ton of luck & hope you two can work thru this to have a healthy relationship, a sober relationship.
Posted: January 19, 2021, 11:09 PM
Just from what I have read.....going through treatment with my son
Relationships can be like a drug. In treatment, the addict has to be clean and face life/problems. This can be overwhelming and they may use sex or "infatuation" to fill that blank spot. LIke the other poster said, the treatment place would be against this and they warn against this in recovery. I am not sure how they managed it, because a lot of places are fairly strict about keeping opposite sexes apart.
It is really up to you if you can move past it. Did it mean anything? Probably not. Is it a red flag for a relationship? I would think so.
If I were you, I would have a lot of questions to make sure the relationship is over and how is the person going to manage going forward? What if she is tempted again?
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck. Just make sure you take some time for YOU and reflect on what you really want and need.
Posted: January 20, 2021, 10:08 PM
The best advice I can give is: ' When people SHOW you who they are, believe them the FIRST time.' Addiction or no addiction, it's a universal truth.
Posted: January 21, 2021, 12:58 AM
I remember others posting about similar situations. I think it might be common. Along with the want to share in order to be honest. It is up to you as to how much you will put up with in a new relationship.
Posted: February 1, 2021, 11:49 PM
Sorry, no leeway for being in treatment. That is a moral compass issue, and hers is busted if she cheated. One of the first rules in rehab is NO relationships, so she is still just breaking rules and making them up as she goes along. If she was doing the work of recovery, it wouldn't have happened....always after a distraction, the next high, the rush. She is not ready and it's fairly likely that you will be the recipient of more heartache. As was said, she showed you who she is...believe her.
Peace ~ M&M
Posted: February 13, 2021, 11:01 AM
As several have noted their true colors are showing wether it's lack or morals or impulse control which is probably why they're in rehab in the first place. It's rarely just about the chemical.
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