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Posted: October 19, 2022, 7:55 AM
As usual I’m up it’s 2:28in the morning and I’m drinking coffee. Almost done with my first cup. So I’m alert and peppy this fine morning. Well yesterday they called me concerning a specialist for my tongue. My appt isn’t until Feb 8th 2023 yes next year lol but they put me on a cancellation list. They offered me an appt yesterday with a 2 hour window to get there. Unfortunately I’ve been dealing with stomach aches and diarrhea so I didn’t want to be away from a bathroom. TMI sorry.
Well I’m a bit bummed but my mom has come down with Covid and they’ve decided to head south next Friday. We won’t be getting together to paint rocks and hopefully we’ll see each other to shop once more. She’s taking me clothes shopping for a couple shirts and Pajamas. I’m not a shopper at all and absolutely hate it. I’ve got a lot of clothes online that don’t fit. Returning them is a pain. So in person shopping it is. Clothes fit me weird and I need plain straight lines. No ruffles, poofs or loud colors either. I can shop anywhere and money isn’t a deterrent. I’m an X-Large gal and like comfortable clothes that look nice too. But believe it or not Walmart has been having excellent clothes for larger women. I’ve gotten a lot of clothes there. I also don’t think things should cost so much either. I’m not buying $120 leggings like everyone else. Oh hell no. So I like inexpensive comfortable clothing and if it’s 100% cotton all the better.
Winter or the fall 🍁🍂🍁🎃 weather will be here Friday. My daughter bought me wool socks for my Birkenstocks so my feet stay toasty. I want to find some ankle slip on waterproof boots for when I feed the dogs. So I’ve been online for that because I’m hoping to find some I can go try on in our area. The time is going by so fast this morning. Almost 3:00am and it’s time for another cup of ☕️. Okay my cup is brewing. I have a single brew option along with my full pot coffee maker. It’s not a Kerig style and doesn’t use pods. Which in my opinion is such a waste of plastic for each cup of coffee. Oh and biodegradable plastic well lmao I’ll just say no.
I really enjoy the news and watch or listen to it on the tv while on iPad. Currently there’s a horrible tragedy of four bicyclists getting shot and dismembered in Oklahoma. They were apparently committing a crime (maybe theft) at a salvage yard when the four friends were murdered. I bring this up because I believe it’s what’s going on everywhere. When they showed the pictures of the men I commented to my SIL that they looked kinda rough for bicyclists. There’s bicyclists and then there’s tweakers on bikes. The latter is what I suspected. Okay anyways they left around 8 or 9:00 pm at night….at night. Red flags right there. One of the problems our city is having is theft occurring at night by tweakers on bikes in cars on foot. I also believe heroin addicts do this too but use meth on top of it. Anyways my point is that everyone in that circle of friends that were murdered knew they were committing a crime. What they didn’t anticipate was that they’d be killed for doing or attempting it. But I believe because they were on drugs (I don’t know for a fact but I suspect it to be true) and to further their run they steal. This case is currently active and they’ve got a person of interest they’re looking for. When I was using heroin which included using methadone periodically during the week to stretch my money I was involved with the low life’s. Oh I didn’t commit crime I had a apartment fully paid for with utilities and cable with internet. I also would get a monthly allowance from my family. So I wasn’t committing crimes to use. But I hung around people who did do crime. I wasn’t with them nor did I know the particular’s but they were bad people on drugs. No weapons displayed like guns but I’ve heard at the end of my heroin use dealers were bringing guns when you would score. Some of you live in areas where guns are common but they weren’t in our city years
ago back then. I could go on and on about theft but just know it goes hand in hand with heroin and meth use. When I say meth it’s always speed. I never used that term when talking about methadone.
So I’ve come a long ways and don’t have anyone in my life like that now. Being complicit is just as bad as being the one stealing. I’m giving you a glimpse of my life using because I’ve overcome so many obstacles. I’m proud of myself I’ve worked hard.
My jaw bone under my two front teeth on the bottom is very sore. I worry about the mouth cancer that I suspect I have is getting worse. I’ve done everything I can and will be seeing a specialist but still it’s a concern. What’s bizarre is that I never felt like a real drug addict when I was using. I never thought it was that bad. My teeth are a reflection of my lifestyle back then. It all catches up eventually. Rots from within before you see it on the outside. I want to say that although I didn’t regularly go to the dentist I did go to the dentist. I had extensive work done that saved my teeth. Many root canals and crowns. So it’s not like I didn’t have dental care. But opiates for me I believe we’re extra hard on my teeth. Methadone rots your teeth too on the inside. When you take methadone for years it wears on your teeth.
I’m almost finished with my second cup of coffee which is actually really equivalent to four cups. Should I go for a 3rd ? I think I’ll wait. Don’t want coffee gut at 3:33. Well I’m making another cup. I’m up I think for the day actually. Well last night I made cashew chicken. It was delicious a little sweet but really good. Anyway I’ve decided to start cooking Asian food from scratch. I’m really interested in vegetables and spices. It’s new exciting and there’s a purpose to it. It’s food to eat. I struggle with hobbies because for one I’m not artistic really. I know my strengths like with the rock painting a solid color with a letter on it. Looks good and I can put them in the garden or hide them for someone to find. But I don’t like painting rocks weekly. Anyway the Asian cooking opens up so many ideas for me. It’s also a bonding moment for my mom and I. She’s like Martha Stewart. She’s got blonde hair styled adorably very chic, everything she makes is beautiful, tastes great and is put in nice dishes. My mother loves kitchen gadgets and cookbooks. She’s not a casserole, canned soup, prepared food kinda person. Everything is made from scratch, healthy ingredients, many vegetables and not a lot of sauces. She’s a foodie so the recipes she makes are current. We also love meat and our family or rather my SIL is partial to beef or elk. Venison too but I don’t care for it. Anyways back to my new Asian cooking. Last nights dinner used almost a half cup of minced garlic and it tasted so good and not too garlicky. I would of never thought to have used that much.
It’s 4:00 am made a cup of coffee lol and got the coffee pot ready to brew for when my daughter gets up. She’s got to be out of the house around 6:30 am which is early for her. Normally she takes the girls to school then heads out.
Newsflash on my murder case I’m following. They’ve arrested the suspect for the 4 murders and dismemberments in Florida. They’re going to extradite him back to Oklahoma. Now get this he’s on a suspended sentence for assault and battery over a 2012 incident where 6 intruders broke into his scrapyard. He shot and injured one of the intruders. So he’s done something similar before. I’m not much of a true crime person but I am sometimes. What a dumb statement lol
Like I said earlier I believe this is drug related. Perhaps the bicyclists were using drugs and supporting a habit. Not realizing that dying by overdose isn’t the only way to lose your life when doing drugs. I mean omg they all, all 4 of them were shot and dismembered then thrown in the water. All the body parts all mixed up together. Omg This really has made an impression on me. Our city is being overrun with thieves in the night. They steal cars, break windows in cars, steal car parts, take mail, steal packages roam around neighborhoods at night rifling through your belongings on your property. They steal everything and chop up bike parts. Oh the things they steal. Things are bad and drug use is skyrocketing. I can’t imagine how bad being dope sick on fentanyl is. The crimes one commits to not get sick. So it’s an epidemic. That’s why I’m so on board with medically assisted methadone. Methadone to get of off opiates. It takes in my opinion a couple years if not more for your brain to heal from opiates. That’s a long time so usually you dabble in using here and there or pop a pill 💊 or don’t ever reach that state of healing. But if you go on methadone it helps with the years needed for healing. Which in turn means more success. I think clinics and drug treatment centers including rehab need to explain the whole process including tapering off of it. Although one can always go cold turkey I think there’s more returning to using when attempting that. They need to be there through the whole thing. It’s important to know what you’re getting yourself into. I’m not an advocate for Suboxone at all. I feel there’s not an adequate way to successfully taper off of it without a lot of sickness and depression. It upset me when I read posts of how they think getting off Suboxone isn’t very hard. They mention using clonadine and that’s basically it and otc pain meds. Aspirin. Clonadine and aspirin is a hard taper. You feel like crap with zero energy, lifting your finger hurts kinda thing. It’s a brutal withdrawal. The experts tell you the withdrawals aren’t that bad. Well they lie. Methadone is by far way easier to withdrawal from and the depression isn’t as bad. It’s almost 5:00am.
I appreciate that people are reading my posts. At least there’s comfort knowing someone is out there maybe I’ve helped. This sight has helped me. I go through spirts but currently I’ve had a lot to talk about. I’m suffering from opiate use from years and years ago. So it’s bringing things up for me. Especially the teeth thing. Well my health definitely my OHS and my heart now are from drugs.
I’m getting kinda spacey from too much coffee I think. 😵💫
Have a great day and Happy Halloween 🎃👻
Posted: November 25, 2022, 9:36 AM
Good morning 🦋
Yesterday was Thanksgiving. A day of mourning for our Native American community. It’s amazing to me how much we don’t know about what actually happened. When I went to school they taught us lies about it. Even now people don’t know what thanksgiving really is. I stand with our Native Americans.
Well a lot has been going on lately with me. First off my cat Bella hasn’t come home for three days. She’s been my baby for around 10 years. She’s been an important part of my life. Oh no the tears are coming. 😢😭 Anyway she took a nap with me went outside and never returned. She has a small area she hangs around. We live in a nice neighborhood and everyone knows where Bella lives. This morning my daughter was up getting ready to go Black Friday shopping. I was looking out the window hoping to see Bella out there. Well my daughter said mom she’s not coming back. I’m holding out hope it hasn’t been that long. My heart is broken.
Well on Monday I had 2 more teeth pulled on the bottom. I’m very sad that this is happening with my mouth. I’ve had dental care and have spent thousands of dollars on my teeth. If this can happen to me it can happen to anyone. A lot of my medication causes my mouth to be dry and that’s not healthy. It causes problems with your gums and teeth. I have another extraction for a tooth on top. I have a partial replacing my front teeth and other random ones. I think they’re pulling an anchor tooth which makes my partial unusable. Which means I’ll also not have any front teeth. I mentioned in another post how this is hard to deal with. A lot of depression. A lot of self reflection years after I got off methadone. I feel like I’m looked at as a tweaker. It bothers me not having teeth. I’m of course getting a partial or dentures but this is taking time. I have over 6 months worth of waiting to complete my smile.
So my cat is missing and I’ve had 2 teeth pulled. On top of this Wednesday I finally after two years of waiting got a new doctor at the hospital. They have a clinic right next to the hospital. Which is awesome. Everything I need is in one spot. The doctor I had was gaslighting me. She didn’t like me and I didn’t actually realize what was going on until much later. Anyway my new doctor got me hooked up with my cardiologist and an anti coagulation clinic. I need to be on blood thinners for life because of my mechanical mitral valve. The appointment went well and I’m happy and feel listened too and respected.
Well I looked at my first post and I started in 2016 this journey of getting off of methadone. So 6 years I think. I don’t count my days but around thanksgiving time I know another year has passed. Very surprised no one has been on my post in a long time. Wishing everyone peace during these troubling times. Also a bit troubled with people claiming to be well adjusted and healthy. Then not being around anymore..I don’t believe they’re healthy in the head. Lol Kind of like wishing you well and then never posting again after years of posting. I have to wonder if these people are Christian identifiers. Some of the most bizarre and screwed up people are Christians. I bring this up because so many people go to NA and AA or celebrate recovery.. All claiming love and love for my fellow man and yet they don’t really unless you believe in their Jesus. Now mind you I’ve studied the Bible for decades and I’ve went to church, AA, NA, celebrate recovery and it’s Christianity. If you don’t identify as a Christian or if you question things you’re shunned and ignored. Hence what’s happening in my post. For some odd reason all the Christian’s who claim Jesus is the way have quit posting. Hmmmm weird and wow. So I’m thinking why would anyone behave in this manner when claiming to be Christian? Doesn’t make sense. This isn’t suppose to be a rant on religion. I’m just observing this because there’s so much religion forced upon you when you go to meetings. You can’t pray away your addiction. You actually have to stop. Well enough on that subject.
The world and the way people treat each other has always troubled me. From a young age I believe I started using drugs to cope with just not understanding people. I don’t think the same way as most. At a young age I’ve always stood by the underdogs. I don’t understand peoples need to have so many personal possessions. I could go on and on about things I just don’t understand. Like helping the homeless and what is up with tough love? I wouldn’t call it love at all. When you love someone you don’t treat them in this way. It’s like a group of people got together and decided to do this s***ty thing and then call it tough love. It’s got to go. Simple truth move on people. Quit hiding behind the guises of this is love. Pure and simple these people aren’t getting the results they want so then they decide they’re gonna force someone into a rock bottom situation. I’ll quit but again wow. Who are these people doing this? I don’t support meetings where you pat yourself on the back because you’re doing tough love on someone. Very very odd.
I’ve noticed they’re really pushing Suboxone and rarely mentioning methadone. I didn’t like Suboxone at all. It had a depressive effect on me. I got very depressed and lethargic on it. Methadone felt more like I was normal.. Not so much depression. I wish methadone could be dispersed in pill form and virtual meetings with the doctor. I’m very grateful I went on methadone. It got me off of opiates.
I’m not an argumentative person but I do ask questions and then I guess it pisses people off lol. I guess it’s darkest before the dawn.
Have a good rest of November. I’ll keep everyone posted on Bella. Also if you say gee I’ve been so busy I haven’t had time to post on medhelp. I say really? I’m here and I’m a human being reaching out. Yet no one in the whole wide world has anything to say? It makes me sad and shows me how insignificant I am. No one cares enough to post any words of encouragement or just I’m out here and wish you well. Nope silence. So when people say gee I didn’t know someone was depressed I would’ve reached out I’m stunned. I’ve been pouring out my soul and speaking about depression and no one has said anything. Just silence.. I’m putting everyone on blast. Everyone in the world I’m sad and depressed. I’ve quit methadone and am suffering the repercussions of it years later.
This is what a journey looks like for me. My journey after quitting. So help me out if you’ve got suggestions. Please don’t try and convert me into a religion. I’m not trying to change anyones beliefs. But I’ll ask questions and then the absurdity starts to show in the Bible teachings and it goes down hill from there. I’m a scientific fact based person. I’m a researcher by nature. So I don’t just try to cause division I’m actually a very curious person and like to learn. 💚💚🦋🎄⛄️
Posted: October 7, 2023, 12:56 AM
Hi Overfifty I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve posted!! I’m so sorry. I’m still Methadone free going on 6 years. I don’t miss it at all. I feel like some of what you posted is directed at me and I get it. I did fall away from posting here and it was because I was busy with work, my family, CR and life in general. When COVID hit I still had to work (essential worker) and then my uncle passed away. My mom and brother moved across the country and life has just been moving at a really fast pace!!
I think of you often because you were…..are……..such an inspiration to me. I feel bad that I stopped posting. I’m also sorry about Bellla….I know how much she means to you. I hope she came back! If not I sure hope you rescued another 🐈⬛ cat. So many in shelters need a home! I’m also sorry about your teeth…..that really sucks! I’ve been having dental problems too! Ugg! It’s been almost a year since you posted so I’m not sure you’ll see this but I hope you do!!
I can’t post like I used to because I’m truly busy with work and family. My daughter is a Sophomore in HS and she plays sports for the school and it is quite consuming. That and the football games and friends etc. I feel like it’s always something. I’m just sitting here now in my room at 9:45pm on a Friday and can’t believe I’m home with nothing to do!! Which is why I came on here.
So it’s been almost a year since you posted. If you see my post then please post back and let me know how you are doing and how things are for you now! I will make an effort to post more often. I wish there was a way to exchange phone numbers or email on here but I don’t think they allow it. That would make it so much easier to stay connected.
I sure hope you and everyone else are doing good. Hopefully I’ll talk to you soon!❤️😊
Posted: November 21, 2023, 1:31 AM
Hello everyone!! I was sure hoping to hear from overfifty but I think she might be done posting!😔
I still want to say Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!! I hope you are all doing well. Overfifty, Its possible, Mojo, Need help, George, Marykat and everyone else who rode this journey with us! I hope you are all doing well and still Methadone free. It will be six years for me next month and I can’t believe it! I don’t miss it at all and I’m feeling very good physically!
For anyone struggling to get off of Methadone: two things, yes you can do it and yes it is worth it! The withdrawals from a cold turkey are bad but they will go away……over time. A slow taper means less severe withdrawals but much more discipline. Either way you do it will work if you are determined. You just have to make up your mind, choose which way you’re going to do it and see it through. This board is really good for support but you need to reach out. There is no judgement here.
Anyway I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving and I hope to hear from some of you!! Miss you guys!💕
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