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Am I Crazy?

Posts: 4
Joined: October 24, 2019

Posted: October 24, 2019, 6:06 AM
First off, I am crazy because I had a near death experience back in 2017 when my liver failed but I began drinking again earlier this year. So yeah, I am clearly an idiot at least. Since I started drinking again my mind has felt like a giant cloud, like I am not in this world but looking down on myself half the time. It is VERY hard to explain, I have amazing high moments where I feel like I can take on the world followed by in-the-trenches low moments. I started drinking heavy around 2010. Back in 2017 I fell to the ground leaving work, me legs completely gave out, had to have an ambulance come pick me up. When I got to the hospital my sodium and potassium levels were close to fatal. My liver wasn't processing nutrients at all basically, they stuffed me full of vitamins for a week in ICU then moved me to a facility to learn how to walk all over again basically, it was so terrifying. I finally got back on my feet (literally) and was sober for 20 months. The idiot I am went back to the bottle when life got hectic again, but I feel like I am losing my mind. The only way I can explain it is a cloud, in my head, critical thinking is gone, interactions with others is one of the hardest things I can comprehend, I don't know what else to say really. Am I losing it?

This post has been edited by Remi on October 24, 2019, 6:09 AM

Posts: 293
Joined: October 20, 2007

Posted: September 30, 2021, 5:36 AM
Hi Remi,
First of all, you are not crazy and you are not an idiot. You are dealing with alcoholism, cunning, baffling and powerful. The fog in your head I can totally understand. Alcohol is by nature a depressive and when I tried to stop drinking by myself my head felt like it was full of treacle most of the time, dark, foggy, hard to think straight, impossible to feel any joy, peace or serenity. Awful. And the only thing that would take that feeling away? A drink. And then the whole destructive cycle would begin again.

Yes, my liver got the rough end of it all too and there was a time when my skin started to turn yellow. But you know what? I decided enough was enough. I got help. I went to meetings, did the suggested things and most importantly I turned my life over to the care of a Higher Power - whoever, whatever, wherever ..... I knew deep down that someone else was running the show and it wasn't me. That's when I got a bit of humility I guess. That was 14 years ago now. The fog in my head is gone now and the greatest miracle of all is that I know longer crave a matter what life has thrown at me.

How are you now? Are you still drinking? Will you consider getting the help you need?
It gets better Remi. Not some hackneyed cliche. It really does get better and so will you. Believe it.

Posts: 4174
Joined: July 18, 2006

Posted: September 30, 2021, 8:08 AM
^^What Ruth Said^^

Yes. Insanity--Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. It is the battle cry of every person suffering from the dis-ease of alcoholism. There IS a solution. Keep coming back and more will be revealed.


Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation.
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