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Posted: October 22, 2015, 7:46 AM
My question is to all of you ladies what made you start? I know with myself in high school I knew I wanted to become a stripper because my aunt was a stripper and always had nice things I would always say as soon as I turn 19 I'll start dancing... Then that lead to massaging and that to escorting it's like a drug addiction I just got deeper into it . I've heard that when kids get molested as children sometimes they end up in the sex trade and that is the truth for my situation. Anyone else know if their is a link between childhood sexual abuse and the women who end up in the sex industry? If I had known the money and lifestyle was so addicting I would have prolly chose to go to uni straight from high school instead of straight to the strip club. Also does anyone know if mental illness has a role in this industry? This year I got diagnosed with bipolar major anxiety and minor ocd . I used to be out of control with my addiction to spending because of the bipolar now that I'm on meds I've been doing so much better thinking more clearly. Does anyone else here suffer with mental illness?
Posted: November 24, 2015, 8:26 PM
All I can say :(...is take the money and go to school.
Or go to unemployment and they will pay for classes? You can't do this forever...you can't do this at 60...what will you have in your life? I KNOW the money is awesome.
But YOU are worth having a normal life..OR...find a "sugar daddy"...someone who has money that you can fall in love with!
Posted: January 2, 2016, 7:45 PM
I found this post while googling 'addicted to escorting'
I've been doing this ten years, with a hiatus every few years to try having a 'boyfriend/normal life'. But never really went back to a normal job. Reason being I now have no CV whatsoever. The most I could probally get is a cashier job. Maybe when your in love enough with the right man it's doable. But trust me when you've been living outside of society for so long it's excruciatingly hard. You've seen places (all be it not like a tourist but like a businessman who only see's hotels in big cities but having no privacy, no real personal life because of the job and hating it all at the same time), it's so hard to fall back into a normal life.
I've now got to the point coming upto 30, losing very little family members I had to old age, and the fragmented and uncaring family I do have found out so I'm tarnished in everyone's eyes. I'm a good person inside and sometimes it hurts when I see these people I know leading 'normal lives' who wouldn't help someone stranded, a homeless person or have a charitable bone in their body judge me. Hurts so much and pushes me deeper into this hole Of what's the point I'm ruined anyway. I do have a current situation of mental illness now that's got to the point I can't even work anymore. maybe that I'm having a mini breakdown due to things that happened in personal life and coming upto 30 and how much life being part of the sex industry I have missed out on. I don't know. I would try and persuade anyone thinking to do this to NEVER dabble. For example: because of my addiction to this job and becoming alienated from a 'normal life' I've never really been on a hen do, a wedding, a christening, I will be celebrating my 30th alone, my life has been been rich in money that I took for granted and came easily and went easily. But I haven't LIVED and the only way I see I could is if I fell pregnant.
Unfortunaly no man I meet in day to day life, after a while becomes worth the sacrifice of taking up a low end job and giving up my financial freedom. I want my future child to not be controlled by me staying with an unloving or possibly abusive man. My mum was only with men for money and to be able to survive and because she was controlled by those men they didn't always want us around and we were surplus. She wasn't a good mum and I don't want that for any children of mine. Yet I long to have a child. But if I meet a man I want to be financially capable to walk away if it's not right. Until then I can't 'try' a normal life. But the work is getting at me before I'm managing to save. I earn some money, take a break to recover then work again. It's a vicious cycle. I hope I find peace soon and find happiness.
So in answer to a previous poster, yes an unsteady childhood, unreliable sources of feeling secuirity, wanting to be able to look after yourself financially plays a big part. Low self esteem or depression either become a result or were there before. In my mind. Too many people are having children and can't be good parents. I blame mine for a lot of what's brought me to this day. But it's time to fix myself because no one else with. I wish strength on any other girls or women fighting this horrid life that want to get out and wipe the slate clean.
Posted: January 17, 2016, 10:39 AM
I am coming from the opposite end – I would be the man that visits escorts – I was looking for a lady I had seen a few times and as a result came across this thread which she contributed to - and was surprised initially to read how much difficulty she had with prostitution. I met her a few times and really liked her; she seemed a happy girl who was resolved with her work choice but seeing the post shows clearly not. I hope things have turned for the better for her – and all posters with addiction problems.
I have been seeing “escorts” for many years – most usually when drunk. Drinking was ruining my life and those around me and any relationships with girlfriends - so I stopped drinking alcohol.
Some years off the drink I find I still see escorts. I have tried to stop but constantly find myself being drawn toward the “excitement” of meeting someone for a short time and the experience that comes with it – sex is a big part but I think it has more to do with the temporary “connection” with a woman. Then afterwards – no matter how “nice a time we had” – I feel regret and remorse and awful – it can be a sort time before I look for another to make myself feel OK for a short time and the cycle continues – persuading myself that the women do it because they enjoy it – this thread has put a dent in that thought process.
I suspect one reason I do like women who sell themselves is a deep inner unspoken understanding that both prostitute and punter are troubled people – and that the cash/sex trade is some sort of brief release – like a drug? I don’t know.
My visiting escorts verges on (or is) an obsession- in the looking on websites or visiting parlours. I tell myself daily not to look online – and then end up looking anyways – it’s only a matter of days before I eventually do see one.
Today is one example – although it has lead me to this thread and certainly food for thought for me; first time to see genuine views from working girls on what it is like for you.
Thanks and hope you all find happiness somehow.
This post has been edited by ODAAT on January 19, 2016, 8:45 PM
Posted: February 9, 2016, 12:15 PM
Gosh, I know this post is old but i wanted to say that it can be done, you can stop. I'd love to hear from the original girl who was trying to stop. Did you? What happened?
I worked with an ex-prostitute in north London which I ended up writing a book about called Monique (on amazon). It was heart-wrenching to hear how she went from drug trafficking, drug addiction and prostitution to completely clean and no longer working in that field.
Posted: February 20, 2016, 5:18 AM
My name is Penelope. I was a sex worker. I have been clean and sober and free from the sex industry for almost 5 years now. I mostly went to AA and some therapy. It's very difficult to get out of that life. I know this post is old, but AA works by one sober drunk talking to another. I'd like to think recovery from sex work could be the same. If anyone knows of a group I'd be interested, or if you just need to talk.
Whoever you are, my prayers are with you. Be strong.
Posted: February 21, 2016, 5:09 PM
My wife/best friend past away a couple of years ago and last September I picked up an escort hitch hiking and we hung out at her place for awhile and discovered a vent, a way out of my depression. Ever since I've seen at least 15 different call girls at least once a week, some on multiple occasions and one girl about 16 times. All are under half my age. And some times I get depressed because I feel even more alone then before I started this habit. And other times I feel complete relief. Now I wonder if this will have an affect on my future "real relationships" or not. I am a caring and compassionate by nature and have a love all the girls I've seen, as a friend. It's kind of a manic thing that I'm experiencing.
Posted: March 5, 2016, 11:58 AM
Why can't you,stop? I was,a hooker for,drug money, I liked the attention. Men and woman wanted me all the time....well they wanted my service. I would,recommend therapy to help you,understand why you are risking your flat for being a hooker. Maybe you don't want to stop. Or,you,need to hit rock bottom to make you want to. Best of luck
Posted: May 13, 2016, 11:38 PM
Was there a solution or further discussion from anyone who got out of the lifestyle? I've ruined my relationship with my family and friends doing this, and I don't have a place to go otherwise. I am addicted to B and G, and my P has recently been getting physically violent. I also violated parole. I don't know what to do.
Posted: June 7, 2016, 4:55 PM
I have the answer, there is no cure just the struggle that will never go away, there was one post that cough my attention the one person indicating that she is off it for 5 years, and still here she is searching reading, and writing on the topic, this means it is still an emotion, and is still there.
been in the world o buying the service for 4 years now sometimes taking girls out for months at a time, have traveled to their countries, met their families, got invited to birthday parties been in most impressive situations.
have this to say No No No your skin does not crawl, it is a feeling that is mixed, and no it is more than money, it is the power, it is the control, and more.
i can give answers, did not write books, and will never do so, but have lived for 26 years as a married faithful dedicated life, and lost it all in one week one day coming home end having to hear from my X wife that she now love someone else.
do you want to know with no censure ship, on what this is all about, i will go deep and i will shock you to the bone, why for i will tell it as it is, not a single lady of service actually spoke of the real adrenaline, the real drive, the dirty reason why it is addictive.
how you got here does not show, or solve anyting, it is what you found, what you learned is the key to the unexpected result, i am a John as i am being called, and i have no regret of being one, no shame, i am proud of it.
Posted: June 8, 2016, 2:09 PM
Let me cure you in one shot, have read stamens like your skin crawl when touched by john’s, here is the detail, you feel empowered, you feel the adrenaline of experiencing all within the lifestyle, you will have sex with men, women sex with other sex workers, you will indulge in acts that one may call new, different, or sick, you will drink laugh dance sit in fancy restaurants, the whole work, that is the power you feel, that is the power you think you have.
Saying words like crawling, and pointing the buyer in a negative form like I hate them, I hated every moment, is a judgment that not you as prostitute nor the client has right of doing.
The power you are addicted to, set money on the side there is a sense of thinking in 99 percent that they pay for my body, they pay for my company, they pay for my nice face or body, they pay because I am worth it, and this is my value, we tend to forget you are selling a lie, but the detail is that the client is lying too, being nice, and trying to humanize the act itself by giving you a mind is the lie, This is done for you to move away as much a possible from the finish quickly, and leave.
Power? Understand you are a body, there is no head on top, just a program, a client will look into your eyes, and simply does not see a mind, charisma, a person, you are just a fancy machine, like one article indicated use a plastic doll, please be informed that you are the Doll, made out of flesh, still a doll is what you are and always will be in under those working conditions, will explain it even deeper as a man I know what is the truth, yes we are dogs, yes all of us are in our own way but still dog we are, the power is in the purchase the act that follows, the power of that act, you can think what you want, but at the end you still have to complete the sex act, and sit on the D***K.
Wake up and come back to reality, next to the money you are just a hole, an entry point, it is not that you are worth the pay it is that the money for that client does not have the value needed, and you get bought with it, and after he is done you, you are gone you are out of there, every single client you are nothing more that a disposable income value.
Realize this, every time you walk to your next act, get out of this life when you feel the need, if you are emotional about it just stop, and find someone that really wants to know your mind wants to learn and like who you are, the other side of your torso.
You are a torso no more, and the power is yours to stop being one, having sex with hate is sad, how can you hate the work you do “just for Money?”
Here is the shocker I ask so every single one person “STOP LYING” you get to love the sex you love the use, your guilt makes you hold on to money.
Here is the DEAL if it was money you would work on an Oil RIG, 3 months on 1 one month off, and get paid around the same amount, “GUESS WHAT” you will not consider it for a second.
YOU love the POWER of SEX "YES SEX",that each party thinks they have, both are wrong, Prostitute, and Clients Alike.
Posted: September 27, 2016, 3:01 AM
Could it be that you seek the gradification of doing a good job. The money is a symbol of your worth. You keep going back to it to remind your self that your good at something. That you have worth and that you where chosen for somthing.
Posted: October 8, 2016, 8:27 PM
I did not know I was addicted to sex and prostitution style life until I stopped doing it.
I did marry and begun normal housewife life that lasted 2 years and ended in divorce.( I could not become pregnant and I can never have baby.)
I have thought a lot about it and why it is I am or did become addicted to this profession.
It may be different for other women, but for myself I found following to be the reasons for this addiction:
1. I am very attracted to male genitals, I want to hold it and feel it in me.
Seeing and feeling men orgasm because of me make me feel important.
2. My self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth increase when men want me.
Men wanting me make me feel desirable, sexy and needed.
3. Men wanting me so much, they are even willing to pay me money to be with me, make me feel very good and exited. Getting money and presents is good but not reason why I was addicted to sex work. I did it even when I did not need the money. I never used drugs, only alcohol sometimes.
4. I get enjoyment from doing it with a man I never met before, someone new and fresh. I enjoy the sexual intercourse and all foreplay, if any, before it.
5. I feel powerful when men want me, I have power over them. He wants me more than some other woman. I feel perhaps also addicted to seducing men.
Things that make me want to stop selling myself:
1. Fear and risk of getting diseases from sexual activities, like AIDS, Syphilis, Gonorrhoea,
2. Fear of violence, rape and abuse.
3. Abuse and disrespect from people who knew what work I do. Especially from other women, being afraid of what they say behind my back.
4. Sometime feeling dirty about what I do and shamed about it. It’s difficult to explain,
I enjoy my work but after it sometimes I feel shamed and sad.
I think about it lot. Its sometime almost like I am two different persons in one,
good girl and naughty girl.
Naughty girl enjoy and is dependent on men wanting to make love to her, good girl is just good and don’t need men.
Is there any other women who feel same as I do?
I mean reason for addiction is same or similar or am I an abnormal person?
Posted: October 24, 2016, 9:50 AM
I Know this is an old post buy I am going to comment anyway. I hope it might help some.
I was a prostitute for over 20 years. I was addicted to drugs for some of the time but not all of it. There were times that I could have quit and did not. I can relate to the girl who said her skin crawled and she hated them. I felt the same way. It got so bad that if a guy had a lot of money in his pocket I would fantasize about him dying so it would just be over and I wouldn't have to work any more that night. Even when I got sober I couldn't stop...I needed the money and could not get a regular job. What finally stopped me is HIV. I got sick. Even if you always use condemns you don't know when one is going to break. Or when some idiot is going to slip it off.
Just get out. Get out before it is too late. I have had so many bad things happen to me. Guns to my head knives to my throat. I have been beaten more than once resulting in broken ribs and a cracked cheek bone..I have been kicked in the face. I have been taken against my will not knowing if I would come back alive. And you know what? Sometimes I look in the mirror and say, "Hey your still cute. I bet you could make some money. Better get out there before your looks fade completely" I don't do it because I am HIV positive. I often tell people that HIV saved my life. I couldn't walk away on my own...Please get out. I know what it is doing to your souls. I was married for awhile and he use to ask me. How it was? Did I like it? Did I c**? He was a jerk. He would ask me that every time. And accuse me of having relationships with these guys. I would tell him that every time was like being raped. Every time took a little piece of my soul.
As for the guy Goop? Is that your name? You don't know what you are talking about. You have no right to say anyone is lying when they are talking about their feelings. Trust me when I say I hated every single one of you and I know it was not their fault. But if one of them had a heart attack I would have happily run their pockets and left them to die. Now that I'm older I would probably feel bad about it...but not back then.
I hope you girls find peace in your lives
Posted: December 26, 2016, 1:44 PM
I'm so sorry for all the suffering I see in this thread. I am a female sex and love addict. Sex addiction does NOT mean that I love sex and need it constantly. It is much more complicated than that. Ladies who want a safe place to discuss sex and/or love addiction, please email me. I have recently started a secret Facebook group for ladies only to support one another.
Posted: March 24, 2017, 3:28 AM
Hi ladies... I feel sorry to read your story,
Sorry for my English, it's not my native language.
First, i got here because I was addicted to pornography and masturbation, I ruin my life with that. I hate my self, i used to think to end my life, out from my university (my GPA 3,7), out from my social life, I become more irritable, anxiety, etc. I got most frightening damage from porn and masturbation, "erectile dysfunction".
Now is my 7 or 8 year I'm trying to overcome from my porn and masturbation addiction. Year 7th God show me website that can help me out. I have found website like yourbrainonporn, convenanteye, rebootnation, and many more. These website so inspiring for me, give me a hope to recovery from my addiction.
Almost everyday, on television, i see many report about sexual crime. So i decided to make website that talk about porn and masturbation addiction on my language. I start to learn about neuroscience through internet, write many articles about what i learn, what I experienced, tips, suggestion, and I want be friend with my reader. I hope i can save myself and many people.
The world today is so complicated. I live in Indonesia, and I'm Muslim. But I'm not listen to my religion. My religion taught me to stay away from seeing woman but i break it. Now left just regret, and I have to fight against my addiction. More I learn about neuroscience, more i believe my religion. I wonder, what people will feel about their wife, if in his life he never see other women?They will so happy, truly happy...
Posted: April 9, 2017, 8:18 PM
Well - over a year since I came across this thread - which contains input from a girl I have paid for sex with on more than one occasion... and was surprised at how she felt...
Since my last post - for some reason I still have not stopped paying for sex - and worse the desire to pay for it seems to be getting stronger than a desire for a normal relationship... :-/
Nini above touched on what must go on for us "Johns" too... I seem to turn to paid sex at the best and worst times... when things are really good... I'll pay for sex and when they are really bad - I'll turn to paid sex...
There is definitely some inner emotional search somewhere in there that seems almost uncontrollable... and its a miserable experience overall...
Not sure what to do other than try each day to change and stop before things get worse..
Someone mentioned porn addiction too.. well.. for me the two must go hand in hand and I think the porn came first - i was really young when i first watched porn......
Its encouraging though to find this thread... its worse feeling alone with this issue... knowing we a not alone does help..
Posted: July 18, 2017, 7:13 AM
I came across the thread as someone still not addicted, but fighting it desperately. I'm now a 37 male, been married for 10 years, and dating same woman for another 10 before that - so she was that one and only woman for me; and in many ways still is. But, kids, marriage, work, life being life - just created situations in which I wanted to try another woman (yes, for sex, but also for just the feel of it). So in total I was with 12 girls, most were respectable escort ladies, not street workers. With some I paid for an hour, some I paid for a full night. And I'm sure some of those hated it, and some of those didn't - I treated them all with utmost respect, paid them more than agreed and to every one of them I clearly stated that if I'm doing or attempting something they didn't like they should halt me immediately. With two of them that I spent the night with I went to dinner, talked and had fun, and didn't insist on sex; eventually both of them were ones to initiate sex, and both had asked to see me again...
What I'm trying to say is we are all different, no two men are alike, and it sits for no two women either. Truth is times are changing, and so is human sexuality, and society's views on all of this. We can't judge. But we can see right from wrong, and if someone feels deeply troubled by the thing they are doing, then by God they shouldn't do it anymore. If you don't have the strength or courage, find someone you can lean on, who will push and pull you out, who will hold your hand or at least someone you can text or email. The worst thing, biggest crime and greatest sin is hurting yourself.
Posted: July 28, 2017, 11:57 AM
Hi,i have been single now for 7 yrs and been single all of that time.I was with my ex wife for 18 yrs and she is the only woman I have ever loved.My job/lifestyle makes it hard to meet women in the normal way and been someone who loves sex I have been seeing prostitutes for the whole time I've been single.
I try my best to control the urge to see them.The sex is average at best,mainly poor to mediocre.I can tell that it's just about the money for them.Though I have made some of them orgasm.And no,they weren't faking,i even felt the contractions one time.
Some of the women have been quite beautiful and gorgeous but because they make it so clear it's all about the money I find it hard to perform sometimes,even when they are gorgeous.
It's obviously an expensive habit,and i'm trying to stop.I can go 6 mnths or even 12 mnths one time without seeing one but I always go back to it,even though I know the sex is usually quite poor.Most try to rip you off by cutting the time short and hurrying you up.Half an hour is not 20 minutes!
Recently my urges have been getting stronger and harder to control.This year I have seen 3 girls on 5 occasions,one of which I have seen about 3 years ago and is absolutely one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen in my life.I am quite infatuated with her and can't stop thinking about her.Have any guys got any tips to stay strong and resist the temptation?
If these girls on here wanted to stop and hate the men so much they could easily quit.Fact is they enjoy the money to much to stop.They couldn't hack a normal job for peanuts money.If it weren't for these men they wouldn't have this job! So stop saying you hate us.Would you prefer to stack shelves for a pittance? No,thought not....
Posted: November 19, 2017, 7:37 PM
Hey, you guys. My story is a little different but on the same lines.
In 2014 i lost my wife of 19 years we were inseparable. My wife was fun and full of energy, she was just 37 when she passed away, She had a hemorrhagic stroke and died just 10 days later. At her funeral we were blessed with over 475 friends and family some were life long friends, a bunch of them suggested that we move back to where i grew up so that they could help me with my 14 year old daughter. No one ever did!!! about 7 months passed with no friends and very little family support i started getting lonely, not for sex, but companionship. Every suggestion that i would make to everyone seemed to get shot down. Bowling bars pool football games you name it I tried. Then one evening i was feeling like no one in the world cared so I called this working girl, lets call her Rebecca. I made my appointment and agreed on the price and at that time i called got the address and went to see her. She was beautiful and sweet, she invited me in and offered me something to drink, she lived in a 2 story apartment. we sat in the living room for about 20 minutes and she grabbed me by the hand and said come on, i said i really don't want that. Rebecca, looked at me in dismay, and i said honey you are gorgeous but i really just want to talk. I ask if I could lay my head on her lap and read a few things that i had written, she said sure. I started reading the poems that i had written my wife after she had passed, about half way through the first one i was crying uncontrollably, but i kept feeling something hit my cheek that wasn't mine, as i looked up Rebecca was sobbing uncontrollably. When i finished the first poem we sat and talked my head still in her lap, her rubbing her fingers through my hair for comfort. I ended up staying almost 3 hours with her that night. I was able to return to work the next day, remember i had already missed over 6 months. The next day at work was really hard i picked up the phone and called her back I said Rebecca, i really need to see you went over repeated the same and done this for 33 days straight including weekends. I started with 180 and was down to 150 per visit. after these 33 days I wanted her sexually, made my appointment and went to see her ask if i could try to make love to her, she agreed and we did, first time in 19 years I wore a condom and what happened? it busted. I continued to see her if not every day i was seeing her 3 and 4 times a week. after another month went by she started asking me to help with her bills, I did, but didn't see a reduction in the visit charge, then she started asking me to bring her some tums when i came, i did after about the 3rd time of bringing the tums I told her hun you're pregnant, no way no way I just had my period.
Every time i would leave her apartment i would notice this greasy black haired sitting in a car, I had ask Rebecca time and time again if she was involved with anyone, same answer always. No. I would say ok, Then one evening at the appointment I ask which car is yours she said the white Chevy. I said well who is the guy that sits in it every time i am over here, she said oh black hair, i said yes she said that my roommate he stays in the spare bedroom. Anyway here it is 3 !/@ years later I don't see her much maybe 2 times a month we are best friends. she saved me from killing myself the second month i was seeing her, i had no one else to call after i had cut my wrist 6 times, called a friend and was told he was busy would call back soon 15 minutes went by no call so I called Rebecca, she stayed on the phone with me for almost 3 hours, talked me into going home and being with my daughter. We still play and have fun but we enjoy shopping together going to theme parks Company parties, she calls me to vent about everything especially the black haired boy that doesn't work and holds his hand out everyday for 75 to 100 for heroin. She then ask me telling me how much she loves me, but I know it is him she loves if not she would have had him out. I am not her sugar daddy, she was on pain pills really bad yesterday marked 90 days clean, trouble is greasy black haired boy still lives in the same house and does 100 dollars a day. I am so afraid to lose her I will eat peanut butter sandwiches and work a separate job to give her money even without seeing her, I have given her $650 in the last 9 days. She says she loves me and wants him gone that she gets sick every time a man touches her. I give and I give but God forbid if i say god hun it doesn't grow on trees, she will say and you want to be with me is that all i'm worth to you... Just spent over 400 on Christmas presents for her for this 2017 Christmas, she gave me hell over not giving her money, little sarcastic remarks like you always get cheap when you think you are low on money, I had just given her $125 yesterday and told her until my next check comes in I;m low, she always says its not like you have a few hundred in the bank, you have a few thousand. I tell her you sure know what i make and what i have but have no clue to what i pay out every month. I have even told her to move to the city where my job has me that she could live rent free for 14 months and continue to do appointments, and give me $75 a day like she does him and I would hand her back over $25000 at the end of the year, because I don't want her money, just her love.
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