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I Love The Person I Am Today

Posts: 57
Joined: November 26, 2014

Posted: November 26, 2014, 5:41 PM
Hi everyone. If I can reach one person through my story then that is all that matters. I've never really told my story and there is a lot more detail but im just going to explain the basics so you can understand where i am coming from so here goes....

I have been in and out of active addiction for the past five years. I was a chronic weed smoker and snorted anything i could get my hands on but I became physically dependent on opiates. My first time in recovery was after I went to rehab about two and a half years ago. I got on suboxone and attended AA/NA but was still in my addictive ways. I got my suboxone dose raised and started selling the extras. Then I thought I could just smoke weed and be fine so I weaned myself off the suboxone without even talking to the doctor and sold all the suboxone leftover, leaving myself with none. The rehab i went to that was also the program i was getting suboxone from and they wont give you your script if you fail a drug test, even weed. And since i wasnt really working my recovery and how naive i was, i thought i could handle it. Silly me. Just smoking weed lead to other things of course and I found myself back in active addiction. Then I got prescribed a different type of drug replacement to keep me off heroin.....methadone.

I was successful in staying away from everything except for weed the entire time I was going to the methadone clinic. I was seeing a counselor during that time because it was required to get the methadone. Again, I was technically clean but I wasn't actually working my recovery. I only did what I was required to get my daily methadone dose, like see a counselor at the clinic and a one hour meeting once a month at the clinic. I didn't attend a single AA or NA meeting. Although I wasn't talking to anyone I used to when I was buying drugs off the street, I was still smoking pot which was keeping me in contact with the wrong people, places, and things.
After about 4 months of being on methadone I didn't want to be like all those people I have heard about that felt like they needed to be on it for the rest of their life because their bodies became so addicted to it. I started detoxing the correct way, hoping it wouldn't eventually lead me to an opiate relapse. Over the course of about 8 months I completely detoxed off methadone, only being on it for about a year.

Only 2 weeks after I stopped going to the methadone clinic (still withdrawing pretty badly..sweats, chills, body aches) I had an appointment to get all my wisdom teeth removed because the pain was unbearable. The methadone had probably covered up how bad they were really bothering me, but once I started dropping my dose my jaw pain was so severe I had to see an oral surgeon and found that all my wisdom teeth were impacted, meaning they were growing into my jaw bone. Ibuprofen wasn't helping whatsoever and I just wanted them out so badly. I did a couple percocet 5mgs a few different days about a week before my surgery to help with the methadone withdrawls and the tooth pain but looking back I was setting myself up to fail.

See next post......
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