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Posted: October 29, 2018, 1:05 AM
I am 54 years old and I'm writing this on October 28, 2018. My drug dependence all started 25 years ago when I was 29 years old, due to a workmans compensation accident I had in 1993. While going to the doctor and getting prescribed opioid pain medication, I got hooked on opioid medication prescibed for my injury. Was hooked after a year of taking them, but continued asking doctor for prescriptions for 7 years afterwards as I was hooked. During that 7 year period, my opioid addiction progressively became worse and worse and worse and EVEN WORSE!! After injured, I was originally prescibed tylenol 3, then tylenol 4, then got the doctor to prescribe vicoden, then got him to prescibe me percocet, and after complaining they weren't working anymore, he upped me all the way to the time realeased oxycontin 80mg green pills .... for which I was hooked for good..... as I loved those oxy80s the best taking 3 or 4 at a time...... I remember back in the day when you could go to multiple doctors to get oxys at the same time. Today the governement tracks schedule 1,2 and 3 presciptions written...so back in the day I had plenty....and then from years of abusing oxys, for a time I even found and consdiered using something stronger that I got from a friend called liquid morphine oral drops for which you take the drops sublingually or in your cheek. He had cancer and was dying and could get it just by asking to keep him comfortable and out of of pain. Got it from his doctor anytime he wanted. So I tried it.....
That Morphine s*** is no joke, as I nearly overdosed on it. Morphine drops is some potent s*** and if your a maniac like I was taking drop after drop after drop, you will certainly overdose! But luckily, shortly after almost overdosing on the morphine drops, I was lucky to find buprenorhine at about the same exact time, otherwise I know I would have probably defintely overdosed. I'm embarrassed to even tell you how many oxy80's I was taking per day while I began experimenting with that potent liquid morphine. I think back and say to myself and realize what an addict I was with opioids!!
So luckily, shortly after beginning taking morphine liquid oral drops, I heard about an experimental new drug where a very limited number of USA doctors were given access and were given the ability to help and prescribe to USA opioid addicts with a brand new drug called buprenorphine injections. Buprenorphine was being dubbed the drug that will end your opioid dependence. The drug was having very favorable results in Phase FDA studies. So the FDA allowed a limited number of doctors to use buprenorphine injections, which is the same chemical compound drug as suboxone and subutex. But buprenorphine injections was the only thing available to the doctors in 2000. Subutex and suboxone in pill form didn't get FDA approved for release until 2002 in the USA.
Like I said, they allowed a limited number of doctors in the USA to use buprenorphine injections to treat opioid addicts due to the US DATA 2000 ACT.
I said to myself, I have to at least try it. I was sure I was on a collision course with death. So at age 36 I enrolled and was one of the first opioid addict patients given legal access to the drug buprenorphine injections in 2000 in the doctors office.
And what do you know, the drug worked immediately!! At that time I just thought it was a miracle drug. Couldn't believe how an injection would take me from wirhdrawal to feeling wonderful ... thats once the doctor found the correct dosage to give me, everyoone must be different.One minute I'm wirhdrawing,and the nnext I feel great minutes later!! I thought it was a godsend as Before finding buprenorphine I thought I would have never be able to stop taking opioids.
But that oxy and morphine s*** is ancient history now....
All the years I was taking buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex, I was always afraid of running out based on paranoid reasonsing like, what if the doctor gets sick or dies, or is in an accident, or a hurricane comes on the day of my appointment. I couldn't imagine not being able to get my prescription.....I was always so paranoid, so I would always stash some away. Like right at this very moment I still have 4 full unopened bottles which contain 120 8mg subutex pills, and believe it or not, I chose to quit buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex cold turkey as i still have 4 full unopened bottles of subutex.
And for some reason on October 1, 2018, after reading some horror stories about the drug online, I just decided to stop cold turkey. Probably would have been easier to ween myself since I have all those pills left. But I felt if I kept on taking them, weening or not, I would always find an excuse to end up not stopping. So I went all-in!!
I figured 18 years on buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex is long enough and its time to stop. And if I end up going through the worst withdrawal pain of my life, I will just have to deal with it. becasue I'm so sick to my stomach and can't believe I have been on this damn drug (buprenorphine, suboxone or subutex) for 18 years now!!!!!!!
So finally just 28 days ago, On October 1, 2018, I said NO MORE TO TAKING buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex anymore.
Timeline is the toned down version so far...got very bad for a while, but determined to stay the course no matter how hard I think it's getting........That's because I'm NOW MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY WILLING and ready to stop for GOOD!!!!
STOPPED COLD TURKEY! This is my journey so far.....
Day... 1...wasn't too bad...knew i had those full bottles a few feet away is what was driving me nuts mostly, but I didn't give in. But I was fine.
Day ...2.... Getting a little more anxious....but still handling it and won't give in.
Day ...3.....Starting to really suck....becoming very irritable and anxious but not giving up.
Day...4......So at this point I thought from reading from many sources that it tooks 3 or 4 days for the buprenorhine, suboxone, subutex to leave your system. So while feeling like s***, I had my wife purchased 40 single BUPRENORPHINE,SUBOXONE, SUBUTEX urine tests. Began testing my daily starting on October 4, 2018, so Iwould know for sure when the drug left my system.
SIDENOTE: I also smoked for a very long time and recently quit smoking as well on October 1, 2018, so I also bought the cotinine/nicotine urine tests at the same time. And the first test I took on the 4th day, my urine was clean of cotinine/nicotine after stopping smoking cold turkey 4 days ago. But buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test was still positive.
Day...5...... Agony starting to set in, I don't wanna even get out of bed or socialize with anyone...just leave me alone...., and buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test remains positive.
Day...6...... Total agony, I keep telling myself its mostly in your mind....buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test is still positive.
Day...7...... Misery... Today I hate everyone...stay the f*** away from me.....buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test remains positive. That f***ing sucks, should be out already!
Day...8......Miserable day .... I hate everyone in the world today as my temper is flaring ... family is staying away from me ....cold and sneezing all the time and I'm in South Florida... meanwhile buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test is still f***ing positive.
Day...9...... So miserable ...I wanna just blow my f***ing brains out...I'm starting to ache all over now...plus sneezing and cold .... the buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test remains positive today again..
Getting scary now...dont know why or how my urine test is still positive for buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex after 9 days...so decided to begin juicing and try to drink leafy greens and fruits today and every day going further until urine test comes back negative....always cold!
Day...10......ANOTHER BAD DAY, STAY AWAY FROM ME STILL..Sneezing and cold all the time.... buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test remains positive. Juiced today.
Day...11...... I FEEL ANGRY AND WANT TO BREAK s***, BUT MY BODY ACHES AND I CAN'T MOVE ..always sneezing and cold .... buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test is STILL positive!! Still juicing.
Day...12...... STILL MISERABLE AND ALSO CAN'T SLEEP NOW, STARTED LISTENING TO CALMING MUSIC, BUT MY BACK IS KILLING ME NOW... buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test is f***ing positive. Still juicing and sneezing and cold.
Day...13...... FORCING MYSELF TO WALK AROUND TODAY BUT HAVE NO ENERGY AND BODY IS SO ACHY.... I FEEL SO TIRED BUT CAN'T SLEEP.......SO COLD ALL THE TIME....PLUS SNEEZING LIKE CRAZY.... buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test is still positive. Still juicing.
Day...14...... . I still feel weak and achy.....I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE f*** IS GOING ON? WHY IS IT TAKING SO LONG FOR THIS DRUG TO LEAVE MY SYSTEM?.... buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test is positive. Still juicing.
Day...15...... Juicing and drinking leafy greens is now burning my anus...Taking a few to days off from juicing. Buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test remains positive
Day...16....... I feel weak and achy and total s***....Luckily I took the month offwhen I did this as I rarely leave my bedroom. I don't want to be bothered with anyone. Just leave me alone. Meanshile buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test remains positive
Day...17...... Now I'm getting mad that the buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test is still positive after 17 days! And I'm still so weak and achy.
Day...18...... Back to juicing but still feel like total s*** today.... buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test ofcourse remains positive. What the f***!
Day...19...... Juiced again... AND EVERYTHING STILL HURTS, especially my back .....buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test remains positive still after 19 days!
Day...20.....Juiced again... and still feel like s*** BUT now really getting scared that something else might be wrong with me as the buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test remains positive.
Day...21......Juiced again today ... Forced myself to get up and walk the dog today even though I still feel weak and achy, but determined to force myself to walk and get out of that room...buprenorphine, suboxone or subutex urine test is positive. I can't believe it's taking so long.
Day...22......Can't juice no more my anus is burning from drinking bitter leafy green vegetables. Must stop juicing to heal the burning anus. Still so weak and achy ... buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test remains positive.
Day...23...... Can't believe buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test is still positive after all this time, I really hope something else isn't wrong with me.
Day...24...... Starting to exercise outside with resistance bands to try and work through the aches and pains......Lost 15 pounds though from juicing but buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test remains positive.
Day...25...... Had wife pee to check and see if urine tests were defective...shes a non-user.... so she should come up negative ..... wifey did test negative, so the test does work... but when I took my buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test, it remained positive.
Day...26...... Feel much better than I did days ago, maybe exercise is working, but still so weak and achy ... as buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test REMAINS POSITIVE! What the hell??? Just don't get it.
Day...27...... Can't seem to shake this weak and achy feeling but trying to force myself into exercising everyday to get my blood pumping..... in the meantime, my buprenorphine, suboxone, subutex urine test REMAINS POSITIVE! Holy f***ing s***!!!!
Day...28...... Give me a f***ing break.... this is f***ing nuts.....my buprenorphine, suboxone or subutex urine test is STILL positive. Now I'm REALLY NERVOUS.......as this is becoming ridiculous now!!
To be continued......
Posted: October 29, 2018, 1:26 PM
I wasn't on as long as you(6 years) but I also just recently stopped. October 1st was my last dose. I had gotten down to .25 mgs per day and kinda felt like crap already so I just said F it..... The 1st week wasn't too horrible. RLS, diarrhea, nausea..... Week 2 started off with 4 straight days of no sleep at all. I felt as if I was going insane. Its not that the withdrawals were killing me, its just the fact that you cant escape them even for an hour or two of sleep. The third week I stated getting about an hour a night and the withdrawals started to lessen a bit. The 4th week I started feeling a little like my old self. Slept a couple hours a night and the days were tolerable. This week I am sleeping pretty good and withdrawals are gone. Just the feeling of something missing and worn down. Today is my first day back at work since the 1st. Congrats on getting off of that stuff. Still have a long way to go, but at least the worst is over. I started feeling better after I started taking mega doses of vitamin C. There are some articles out there on it. Most people don't believe in it, but a 15 dollar bottle of it made a world of difference to me. Just lots of water poop was the only side effect........Keep up the good job. It will get better.
Posted: October 29, 2018, 1:28 PM
Also I had to flush my Bupe down the toilet. I had 2 boxes left still and after the first week I knew there was no way I could keep them in the house and not eat one. At one point I would have done anything for just an hour of sleep!!!!
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