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Posts: 3075
Joined: January 11, 2006

Posted: May 11, 2020, 11:47 AM
Bleh. I am not that great today. I am having a lot of self pity. My husband barely notices that I am alive and most of the time it doesn't matter as much cause he works out of town. However, it just caught up to me this weekend when he came home and doesn't hug me tell me he missed me or say anything really. I want to smoke and pretend like it doesn't hurt my feelings. Cause it really does help to smoke and stuff my feelings down. I crossed an invisible line and it hurts and I am not gonna smoke to make it feel better. So I just have to feel it. I am sad and it feels super overwhelming. I couldn't get out of bed to come to work today. Wich really isn't like me. I always come to work. I am just super heavy and it hurts. Im in self destruct mode. I dont have to act on it but I am there.
I just have to do the next right thing. I finally did come in to work. I dont want to go home. I also dont want to not go home. I guess I will just do what is front of me right now.
Still SMober & Sober.

My success story

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy.
Human beings have the awesome ability
to take any experience of their lives
and create a meaning that disempowers them
or one that can literally save their lives.

- Anthony Robbins

Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says,
"This is going to take more than one night."

"Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen

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