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How Is Everyone?

Posts: 5
Joined: July 29, 2021

Posted: June 24, 2022, 1:12 AM
How is everyone getting on? The forum has been very quiet of late, so I just thought to pop in, to "see" how everyone is doing.
All good this end. 3 weeks til I am on annual leave, and I can't wait. We go to a cottage, on the west coast of Scotland every year. It sits right on a loch side, and so very peaceful and surrounded by nature.
Just lovely to detach from the buzz of life for a bit.
My son is still in prison - no change there.
Much Love
Caraid x

Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016

Posted: July 19, 2022, 9:04 AM
Sorry about your son in prison. At least you know where he is and hopefully is safe and drug free. My son has been clean for 1.5 years, after living in city shelter for a year. It was a good transition. He lives away from us completely on his own. Finally, we have cut all purse strings. I have seen the site slow down in the past year or two. I still pop in once in a while.

Posts: 1
Joined: October 14, 2022

Posted: October 14, 2022, 10:37 PM
I have not been here in several years. I came here about 20 years ago with a 16 year old son on heroin. I went to Alanon and sent him to rehab. When he was old enough and still using so we had him leave our home with literally the clothes on his back and one shoe. He was dating another user at the time and they eventually hooked back up. He stopped or slowed down for quite some time. I think he got on suboxone. However they broke off and he married and had two small boys and he has been thinking his "control using" was in control for the last several years. He was living rent free in my town home with his wife and boys. But, as addicts do, he went bat s*** drug crazy and she left. Now she sent a picture of all his drug paraphenalia....powder, tin foil, spoons, "solvents?", tourniquet, tissue etc. And, he plans to stay in my home ...grrrr. So I have had my phone blown up with his lies. He was suppose to be paying rent but that never happened. As long as the babies were there I let it ride. But I let him know he had to leave. I am just so OVER IT. I believe when you really get to the point that your give a crap don't give a crap, people should be afraid. But, he has obviously forgotten his history. I haven't. My husband has end stage cancer and is under hospice care but my son could care less. This drug crazed thing really cuts out their souls. I can't even remember who my son was before drugs. That is so sad. I know he may die but I hope not in my home.

Posts: 341
Joined: December 23, 2018

Posted: November 10, 2022, 10:40 PM
Hi all, I haven't been on here in a while either. Came on a few years ago when my 40+ y/o son went bat sh** crazy too. Refused a drug test at work after an accident which was a term of his work probation from a previous stint in rehab. He disappeared for 6 months showed up before Christmas sobbing, bawling, angry "no place to live, no job, no money, blah blah blah. Spent about 4 months in & out of jail for violating stay away orders for his girlfriend.

That was 2018 thru 2019. He is now drug free, living with his girlfriend and working & training in an electricians program.

Does anyone else always have the feeling that their "addict" is always one bad day away from relapse?

I don't know if my son has always been a strange duck or if he fried too many brain cells when using meth. But sometimes he goes off on the weirdest tangents, mad about one thing, arguing about something else. It's usually about politics... I don't remember him being this crazy about them but maybe he was too high to care?

Hope y'all are doing ok. NY2FL - glad to hear your son is doing well!

Posts: 52
Joined: May 13, 2007

Posted: November 13, 2022, 10:22 PM
Hi, this is Vassilion, or just Lois for short. My husband died on the 21st of October. Only myself and my life long best friend, and ex hospice nurse was there. Two adult children were incognito. My daughter is sober, but super stressed due to a seriously ill husband who just had spinal surgery. My son, with addiction issues, was being evicted by me from our rental home. His wife and 2 young sons are staying with friends 80 miles away. The utilities were turned off due to non payment and it was still in the house after eviction. The police were called and he left. So, now, according to his counselor, is in a crisis home pending admission to a 30 day inpatient rehab facility. I'm praying it helps clear his head enough to get a grip on his life. His 20 year use of suboxone has not helped and I know he has abused this drug through snorting, injecting and just not using to get off anything but abuse. Pot was still a daily go to drug along with whatever else he could get his hands on. He was still denying any abuse the last time I talked, but it is obvious he is totally out of it. I know loosing his wife, children, father and home has tossed his head around, and that may not be as bad as it sounds. You just have to loose so much to get your attention. I guess loosing everything in a weeks time is traumatic. But, I'm looking at the long term and hoping he chooses to save his own life because I apparently CAN'T.
Mtn Mom, I always feel like a relapse is always one day away. I am really feeling like he thought he had everything in control with his use of self approved things until he didn't. That's the lie they tell themselves is that everything is okay as long as they just use this, use once, don't slip into using more than once in a while ...blah, blah, blah. The fact is they have NO CONTROL OVER THE DRUG AND THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS JUST ONCE. When they figure that out, it helps a lot.

Posts: 47
Joined: June 24, 2017

Posted: November 16, 2022, 8:00 PM
Hi all, this is Mikalle and I haven't been on this site for a several years And saw this post so I thought I would respond. My ex and I have been split up since 2018, we broke up over her Oxycontin and other prescription addictions. The drugs have so changed her, she was not the person I married. If you look up my previous post you'll see the description of everything that I/we went through if you're interested.

My life has truly never been the same and I often wonder how much her addiction and my dealing with her addiction and the consequences of that addiction changed me.

Can anyone comment on how they feel that dealing with an addict has changed them or changed how they see or deal with the world?

Posts: 52
Joined: May 13, 2007

Posted: November 17, 2022, 12:12 AM
Hi Mikalle. I'm sorry for your issues with dealing with your ex, the addict. My main addict is my son. He has been in and out of addiction since 16 and he is 36. My husband, who over drank and lapsed into complete alcoholism for the 3 years after My son, John became an addict. So, addiction has so affected my life that it is difficult to see my life without these effects. My husband's relapse into utter drunkenness for 3 years probably had a lot to do with his cancer as alcohol effects your liver and other organs and predisposes you to cancer. As well, he started smoking again which is directly linked to bladder cancer which killed him. So, my being a widow and everything that goes with that is a huge result of my dealing with alcoholism. So was the last 7 years of caring for a slowing dying husband an indirect effect of living with an alcoholic. Now, my son's 20-year addiction to drugs such as heroin, suboxone, marijuana, and some positive cocaine use has so affected my life in a host of ways that are probably too numerous to count. Firstly, I have depression which I have to take medication for. Secondly, I don't have that blind trust of anything or anyone. I also have panic disorder which my antidepressant helps me with. It has also caused me issues with my daughter as my son used at her karate studio in the children's bathroom. Trying to get her to be amicable with my son while my husband was dying caused a rift between us and she doesn't answer my text or calls, and I have to communicate with her husband as she panics too that I'll pressure her to deal with her brother John. Thankfully, she does still show me affection in person, and I have a relationship with her husband and my grandchildren.

There are some good things that have come from such a vast and Indepth experience with addicts. One is I have come to know that I'm not in control of them and I can't cure or fix them. I used to "know" this, but truly not understand that to the core as I do today. The fact is the disease is so deep inside of who they become that they can't perceive of life without their drug or drugs. They would rather die, cheat, steal before going through the pain of not using and life in raw reality. It has also given me the ability to do the things I need to do to help him such as evict him from my home, throw his stuff outside and call the police if he trespasses. This is something I never could have done in the early years. I made myself do some things but now, it is ingrained in my understanding of why. And, I have learned how to love the addict but not accept their behavior or support their use and to understand that letting them fall is really the most loving thing you can do for them. Hopefully, my son will live long enough that we can have happy times together again. My husband and I lost that battle. Being so ill with cancer, he could not drink at all the last year of his life without getting violently ill. That is not the way to get sober )O: but that is the reality of the situation.

Posts: 341
Joined: December 23, 2018

Posted: December 17, 2022, 11:50 AM
Hi everyone - just another post to say THIS group saved my mental health when my son was raging & out of control. It opened my eyes to my son's lies & insanity. I will be forever grateful to everyone in this group.

Thank you to everyone who shared their similar stories with us, we all cried together, had enough of this together, healed together & some got hurt again together.

I'm sad for the parents/partners who continue to deal with the hurt & pain their loved one is inflicting on them.

My addict son has been clean for approx. 2 years but lately he's been silent - no messages on his dad's birthday or Thanksgiving so I'm keeping my emotions in check "just in case". If he does start using again, he'll drag us down with him and I have to remind myself to set & KEEP my boundaries.

I'm wishing everyone a peaceful holiday season and remember "IT IS OK TO SAY NO!"

Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016

Posted: January 4, 2023, 9:52 AM
Hi, Wishing everyone a Happy New Year!
I pop in once in a while, but too darn busy to write!! I will try to do so soon!


Posts: 15
Joined: August 7, 2016

Posted: February 1, 2023, 4:32 PM
Hi, everyone. It's been several years since I've posted here. I came here and received some kind hearted responses when I was dealing with my brothers addiction. I'm happy to report that my brother is doing much better these days. It was a long and bumpy road that included jail time for him. He's now moved away, married and recovering as best as he can. I'm very proud of him.

What brings me back though now is my husband's addiction. I know what I have to do for my kids and my own sanity. It's just very, very hard. I feel trapped in this situation with no way to leave.

Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016

Posted: February 12, 2023, 7:43 PM
It is very hard. Keep at it, never give up. Keep working on a plan for yourself and kids, financially, build up a savings no matter how small or slow.

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