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Posted: September 24, 2021, 11:57 PM
Sometimes life can suck and for some people it can suck really badly and for a long time. So I can understand why a person can develop an addiction. What do you do with all that pain? People can be mean. Parents can be mean. Siblings and peers can be mean. Abuse and trauma it's a lot for a mind to process. I'm not condoning addiction I just understand why it happens. Because life can suck.
Posted: September 25, 2021, 9:08 AM
Posted: September 25, 2021, 7:33 PM
Posted: October 4, 2021, 5:22 PM
Hello Sallyanna and Mtmom
Life can suck but as many in the rehab field say it's about coping skills. I get people can experience a single event or period in their life where they see or experience stuff no one should. But it's how they adapt, overcome and/or move on.
One of the biggest lesson I learned over the course of my life (decades)-EEEK and creek is how one moves on, continues and/or learns/adapts after negative events, outcomes or adversity. It's too easy to get wrapped up in successes or having fun. Some can't push themselves or what would be discomfort or uneasyness to us is pain and fear to others. They never learned how to deal with the negative which includes what they don't like or not getting their way.
As they say it's how a fighter gets up after being knocked down is the biggest sign of character. Life in general is a fight. It's how we get up after a blow or disappointment.
Posted: October 17, 2021, 6:38 AM
Yes life can suck.
Yes people can be mean.
Yes feelings can get hurt.
That said, substance abuse is a choice we make. We can choose to let life to coin a phrase "drive us to drink" or we can make other choices.
I told my wife on many occasions that only she can ruin her life, and that's really the hard truth.
We all face pressures. We all face frustrations. Life sucks for all of us at times.
But we all don't alleviate our frustrations and disappointments in a bottle of wine or a snort of meth, All that does is make the rest of our lives suck.
This post has been edited by kevinak on October 17, 2021, 6:45 AM
Posted: October 17, 2021, 8:10 PM
I don't think your wife woke up one day and said " I choose to be a f'ing drunk". Its much more complex than that and at some level you know this. Sure we all have 'frustrations and disappointments' but some people have pretty severe suck in their past or present life. It goes way beyond 'disappointments and frustrations'. I understand why addiction happens to people. Yes, it's a maladaptive coping mechanism. It exists and it's real and there are many people out there suffering from it.
Posted: October 18, 2021, 5:18 AM
Life is what we make of it. It is really the sum total of all of our life choices.
I have seen many people in my life choose drugs or alcohol, and to become dependent, or to let their indulgence affect their behavior. Conversely I have seen many that can have a drink or two and not over indulge habitually or become abusive.
There are no excuses that work. It is all about each of us making choices that work for us.
Believe me, I am not some chest thumping up on a soapbox teetotaler. What I am saying is just a fact. We as individuals can either have control of our lives or we can let substances control us.
The difference between the person that has a beer or glass of wine even daily and the person that drinks that whole bottle of wine or six pack of beer comes down to self control.
The difference between the person that drinks and becomes abusive and the person that drinks the same amount and becomes mellow is frankly differences that we as individuals have to recognize in ourselves and adjust our behavior accordingly. Again, the issue is self control.
Not everybody that goes to the liquor store lets alcohol ruin their life. That's the challenge for someone with a problem to recognize I think. They look at it and think what makes them different than every one else?
My wife bless her soul is a person that when she becomes intoxicated she looses control of her emotions, and her behavior. She becomes for lack of a better word mean, and not just a little snippy mean, flat out mean.
If she could just recognize that it's the alcohol that causes this she could be such a great person, but that takes self control. Enough self control and personal reflection to see the problem and deal with it.
She acts like I am insane for leaving her, someone as good and kind, and nice, and as loving as her.
Because when drunk she frankly does not remember the side of her that I experience.
This post has been edited by kevinak on October 18, 2021, 5:33 AM
Posted: October 19, 2021, 6:33 PM
'Life is what we make it. It's really the sum total of all our life choices '
I think it's a bit more than that, actually a lot more than that. Would you say that to:
*a sexual abuse survivor whose step father sexually abused her from age 5-10. (She didn't choose to be sexually abused)
*your father commits suicide (didn't choose that)
* Your house burns down not once but twice and you lose everything
*you take care of your mother for 25 years and after she dies you learn you were disinherited
*your mother poisons your pet because she knows how much you love it
*you are in active combat and you watch your buddies get blown up
These are just a few examples of horrible things which happen in people's lives. They do not choose at all yet they happen and become a part of their life.
Also addiction is the inability to stop. I can have a few drinks and be fine. Your wife can't stop drinking once she starts to the point of blacking out...which is when she's super mean. Some people can gamble $20 then leave the casino while others can't stop to the point they deplete their checking account and cash advance all their credit cards.
The choice is if they choose to get help and they really want the help to stop.
Posted: October 19, 2021, 10:17 PM
Great post Sallyann!
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