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Hit My Addicted Husband And Now I Feel Super Guilt

Posts: 1
Joined: April 24, 2021

Posted: April 24, 2021, 9:29 AM
I have been married to my husband for 20 months and since I have known him he’s been a high functioning heroin user. He never hid it from me and I still wanted us to get married and I thought he would stop, he told me he would. None of that ever happened, he would go into withdrawals and start using again.

Recently, I am just going impatient. We have a 6 month old son and even though he’s an amazing dad there are times when he’s in the toilet getting High and not helping me. So two days ago, I don’t know why I got extremely mad at him for not getting clean and I pushed him twice and pulled his hair. I feel awful. I don’t know why I turned into an animal. I love my husband yet I resorted to such a heinous act

Posts: 21256
Joined: October 17, 2003

Posted: April 26, 2021, 7:43 PM

We are linking your post to the Families/Partners of Addicts, where there are people who are also struggling with their addicted loved ones.

- the moderators

Posts: 37
Joined: February 17, 2021

Posted: April 26, 2021, 10:52 PM
Welcome confused wife I think it's good you are reaching out for support. I understand your frustration at your husband. I think it's important not to react out of emotion especially in a physical way because it's not productive and it's not good parenting to your son.

Getting off heroin is tough and if he decides to 'get clean ' it's likely he will need to go to a detox center and then to rehab. He has to want to....if not, then you will have to decide if you want to continue your relationship with him. As individuals, we decide what we will and will not tolerate in our lives. I hope you will do what is best for your son.

Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016

Posted: April 27, 2021, 11:07 PM
Addictions are hard to break. All I can say is that my son did not like or want 80% of the consequences that came along with his addiction. At any time he would promise and agree with 100% of whatever we were asking, in order to get high one more day.

Agreeing to marry and have a child with someone with addiction issues is like saying, I am happy to live like a single parent and take care of everything for the 3 of us.

It’s no wonder you pushed him! You are angry! and you are Tired! You do need him to help you and for him to WANT to help you.

Addicts are self centered, they think everything is Ok when nothing is Ok.

Don’t feel guilty. It’s not you, it’s him.

It’s time for you to set up some rules and boundaries. You need to in order to keep your sanity during this time of raising your son. Behavior that was ok or overlooked in the past, can not be over looked when children are in the home.

Unfortunately, addiction can not be a part time thing. I think that was where our thinking was skewed for many years. We thought if our son was doing 80% of living a proper life he would be ok. Addiction is not like that. Over and over I heard it on YouTube videos from people who quit addiction and changed their life.

It has to be 100% clean. 80% does not work. Once I fully understood that I knew that I had to push my son to 100% recovery. Also, it is extremely hard to do on your own. AND it will take a year of sobriety before he will be able to embrace it.

There can be many relapses. Look for longer clean times between relapses

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on April 28, 2021, 1:13 PM
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