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New Member..... Just Need To Vent/talk

Posts: 1
Joined: October 10, 2017

Posted: October 10, 2017, 8:51 PM
First time user of this web site .... Or any others for that matter. I don't know exactly why I searched out a forum now. I guess i just want to talk to someone or get advice or the courage to do what I need to do. I don't even know If his is the correct spot for this. If it isn't , just let me know. I have a long story that I will try to make as short as possible. Me and my wife have been married for 6 years. She was my best friend. Someone I could always count on being there for me. I always felt as long as she was by my side , nothing that we faced would be a problem. That's all changed now. She got addicted to opiates due to a a foot problem that ended up having to have corrective surgery to repair. So, she got on suboxone. Problem solved ..... Sorta. I ended up getting addicted to subs ...... Just by using subs. I didn't use them to get off anything else. But that's no so bad It the big scheme of things. About a year ago her father passed away unexpectedly and she developed severe depression. She saw a psych..... Was placed on depression meds. Nothing worked. So she got the bright idea to try coke. "I can't get addicted to it , it cost too much". Boy was she wrong. It's been a year now, and she is using on average around 3 grams in 24 to 36 hours. She stays up 4 to 5 days straight then crashes for a day or two. To make matters worse , I started using about 2 or 3 months ago. Now I'm a daily user. We spend about 5 to 6 grande a month on drugs. After a year of use , it's starting to have an effect on our financials. We also have a family. I still sleep every night. I don't take that much during the day. And for the most part i don't even know why I continue to use. It makes me feel worse 90% of the time. I want to quit. I want her to quit. I love her my than life itself. It's not her fault I'm in the situation I am in. I know it's mine. But being around her has caused me to get addicted to 2 drugs. I don't want to leave her. No one knows our problems. She's a stay at home mom. Rarely leaves the house and never alone. I own my own business , so I kindof do my own thing for the most part. I think I could quit. But I have so many responsibilities that I can't just lay around for days on end. I've tried to tell her she should be able to stop bc she doesn't have to even get out of bed is she doesn't want to. When she's out for 2 days at a time , I make sure kids get to school and cook and clean and do homework. All on top of running a business. I just don't know what to do any more. I am at my breaking point but don't feel like I can let myself break bc so many people depend on me, including her. Is there a simple solution? Am I missing it ? I can't talk to any of my friends about this bc no one knows my problems. I get questioned about her "possible addiction " quite regularly and always brush it off as depression. Inpatient rehab is not an option for me. She doesn't want to do it bc of the public stigma. I feel like I have no options and I have no way out. Eventually , everything I have worked for my entire like will come crashing down. I will lose everything I have. The secret will be out and I will wish I done something about it while I still could. I know this. It just doesn't make the decision any easier. This is a long post with a lot of venting that may no even belong here. Thank you to anyone who actually took the time to read this small book. Any advice u have will be appreciated.

Posts: 185
Joined: November 2, 2016

Posted: October 11, 2017, 1:52 PM

Addiction can sneak up on people. It sounds like you are evaluating your situation correctly! Unless it stops, you will lose everything, possibly even your children.

The solution is not easy, and definitely not something you can do on your own. I encourage you to talk to a professional in the field about your options to stop. Unfortunately, you cannot control your wife's decision. However, it sounds like the two of you can still discuss things, so you might want to point out that the problem is a common one. Most importantly, worrying about people finding out or stigmatizing her/you is understandable, but it would be worse to have people find out because of the consequences of continued use (losing the house, losing the kids). Plus, most of the time, people know anyway. People addicted to drugs think they are hiding it, but most times, people know.

As I said, regardless, focus on yourself and getting yourself support to quit. Sincerely wishing your family the best outcomes. It is a positive step that you are realizing the problem and the fact that you will lose everything to these drugs.

Posts: 243
Joined: August 18, 2016

Posted: October 11, 2017, 3:33 PM
Parenting is right on! People know you guys are using. I was amazed when I went into recovery that EVERYONE, from family to the local dry cleaner, knew of my addiction! When we are using to "feel normal" we think our behavior is is not!

You have to get this under control know. If you do not, Someone who knows will call child protective services and you will lose your children.

Make an appointment with an addictionologist and get help immediately. Losing everything happens in the blink of an eye! You can do this...there is a better life after addiction!
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