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I Cant Stop!

Posts: 1
Joined: February 1, 2018

Posted: February 1, 2018, 9:19 PM
I dunno why but i cant stop. my cocaine addiction drive all why thoughts. i say im going to change and i mean it in my heart and as soon as i have more money its all gone. ive lost my good job and im going to loose my son. im pushing everyone around me away and treating the only ones who care and help like crap. i minipulate every situation. i can lie so well know im in this horrible loop.

Posts: 49
Joined: February 7, 2013

Posted: February 5, 2018, 11:48 PM
Thats some painful s*** losing your son. I hate to sound cliche but that's what crack does. I've been blessed not to have things go that far, but i have been spared. It very well could have.

I'm here for ya. I too am fighting the fight. I been posting for 5 years, and I feel like its day one. It took FIVE YEARS for me to make my first pre-relapse call. 5 years bruh! This crack addiction real....but so is God, so is recovery, so is a better life. You and I HAVE TO make better decisions.

That crack high don't want us making that call. I felt it today. Real bad. So bad that it finally spoke out of my mouth to the one I called trying to plead the case that using was under control and I'd be ok! SERIOUSLY?? yes ...very serious

I didn't understand what I'm telling you 5 years ago. I had to go through s***. Yes I could have made it much easier on myself sooner, but I didn't, and it sounds as if you can relate to some extent. You're "new" to this, but at the same time, we're all the same. We're addicts.

If you can't make it to groups, then you immerse yourself on the board. That's what its there for. You sit down and read and post as often as possible. You pour your soul out on the boards and you really take in what vets like Larry and others have to say. We may not be with you physically or be available to you now, but many of your answers and advises have already been posted. There is a certain blessing and magic here. You do have to believe, you do have to put the effort in, and you do have to abstain, no matter what.

I hope this helps.

All this happened for the sole purpose to help others fight this thing with all we got.

Posted: May 6, 2018, 4:10 AM
Good day,
i have always thought i was in control of my usage and sometimes go for days without it. I went five weeks and fell badly. It seem to me that the more i fight it the harder i fall. My family life has fallen apart and it seem no one really understands that i do not want it. I actually hate to be living like this. i have changed approach , i have blocked the dealers but always seem to get caught up. I want to quite this

Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016

Posted: May 31, 2018, 9:05 PM
Brian - change your phone number. you might be able to do it on line at your cell phone provider's website. I think it can be done pretty easily. delete all the dealers from your phone.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on May 31, 2018, 9:50 PM

Posted: November 20, 2019, 4:26 PM
Crack is a vicious drug. You use and can't get enough. Then when all the money is gone you Crash and go through deep crushing depression. Finally you pass out and then wake up feeling horrible and hating yourself praying and telling yourself you'll never do it again. Then for a week or a month you don't use. You thing "I got this beat!" Then you are sitting there maybe a little bored. and ALL OF A SUDDEN, WHAM The CRAVING HITS YOU. You can't think of anything else. You need it, you want it and you are going to get it.

Then it starts all over.

I first tried it in High School. It wasn't a big deal I figured I could take it or leave it. I am now 55 and most recently lost a $83000 a year job because I was so Cracked Up I could not do the work. Then lost my car and everything else. If it was not for my Mother I would be Homeless.


Posts: 1
Joined: November 26, 2019

Posted: November 26, 2019, 9:17 PM
I am going though the same issues and I need help and advice too. I am new to here and cant post yet so will post here my problem. I hope you r getting the help u need and ur r reunited again soon.

I had a terrible cocaine addiction for 3 months last year after suffering the worst grief any mother or parent could imagine. After I was raped and left for dead at 14 my depression and anxiety started and I started self harming to cope with issues if I was depressed.. for years I battled self harm until I had my son 8 years ago. I stopped and only had a couple of self harm relapses. but last year after suffering my grief I went of the rails alone and was in a bar toilet about to self harm and someone stopped me and told me theres another way to take my pain away and introduced me to cocaine. for 3 months my habit was that bad spending about 1400 pounds a week on it on average around 50 pound half g i had 26 to 28 bags a week. leaving home daily and returning at night once everyone asleep. pretending I was working. my husband and mum never new at the time. never took any home coz of my son. but day I.quit was due to looking after my son but I couldnt physically play. it was hard and went cold Turkey never asked for help even went away. managed to get clean. but had a relapse 6 months ago and now its getting worse my habit. my husband and mum now know and they to support me. but I cant talk to them feel a burden. my habit has got that bad I have overdosed several times and have been in hospital a few times from seizures I have had from drugs. now been diagnosed with tonic clonic seizures epilepsy. I had open heart surgery in may this year and since then and all illnesses I have had since and my anxiety and depression got worse which started me using again. started once a week a little but now. dreadful cant live without. I was 13st plus 85kg before surgery now and probably due to drug abuse I now weigh 9st 56kg. i struggle to walk alot and hate being this thin and look bad. I have to stop. I dont want to be like this anymore I struggle even to.get out of bed most days. and the worst thing is my sleep deprivation I go sometimes 4days and nights constantly no sleep from the drugs. I love my son and want to beat this for him. he means the world to me. thankfully he doesnt know or ever seen me at my worst. I know if I dont quit I.will die. people say to me just stop but any addict knows it's not that easy. I need help

This post has been edited by Emilou on November 26, 2019, 9:19 PM

Posts: 1
Joined: December 2, 2019

Posted: December 2, 2019, 8:25 PM
you sound like my husband. who cant stop either. but I give you credit. you admit you have a problem and you are here seeking help. my husband is not at that point. at his age, he probably never will be. All I can tell you is please try to seek all the help you can get. As I prepare to leave my husband whom I do love dearly, but the pain is real for us on this side of it. please, stop. please seek help you can do it

Posts: 10
Joined: January 4, 2020

Posted: January 5, 2020, 12:17 PM
Hi guys,

I was addicted to crystal meth, methcathinone, cocaine and a drug called mandrax for about 8 years.

Eventually, it destroyed my whole life. Lost my family, reputation and career, criminal records, employment history, etc.

There was not one time when i received money and didn't spend basically every single cent on drugs. Even though every time i regreted it, i told myself that i would never do it again - my life seemed totally empty when i wasn't on drugs.

I was invited by a friend, to a Christian addiction program which set me free once and for all. It is absolutely free and they have centers all over the world. I would really love to share what I received. I have been 4 years clean and eventually the cravings dissapeared too.

If you are keen and willing to try anything, i am more than happy to refer you to them.

God bless
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