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Cocaine Has Ruined My Life

Posted: December 26, 2014, 10:54 AM
This is the first time I have ever written about this anywhere, I am terrified of the damage I have done to myself,

I want to be clean, it has been 15 years now as a slave to the drug, at my worst I was using 3 grams a night, I didn't see daylight for around 3 years locking myself in a bathroom for up to 10 hours at a time to use.

I spend my last pennies on the drug when I am on a bender, I want to quit, I have wanted to for a wile...

I feel like it has taken the best of me and there is nothing left

I am in London, I don't know where to start, I went to to the doctors but they looked at me like I was filthy and pushed a number into my hand of an outreach centre for alcoholics, I didn't call.

My usage is building again and I am terrified that it will kill me this time

I don't know what to do...

I guess Im here hoping that another cocaine addict who beat this might be able to help me by giving me some tips to quit.

Please let there be someone xxx

Posted: December 26, 2014, 1:12 PM
Hello :) welcome yes you will be clean and you will be better...there is hope after all...i am 5 weeks clean and doing well( i was in a s***hole myself)...what is most important is ur desire to wanting to stop

I lived in london for a while ....i would recommend to go to NA meetings....are u familiar? be aware that you cannot do this alone.....that is my opinion and many other happy recovering addicts what u gona do?

Posted: December 26, 2014, 1:15 PM
If u would like to read my thread "thoughts" maybe u will relate and get hope.....u will see the pain i passed thru trying to stop on my own will and how this changed tothe better when i started working the program , steps and sponsor.

Posts: 674
Joined: August 17, 2014

Posted: December 26, 2014, 1:39 PM
hi Londongirl- you need help to quit-very few beat any addiction on their own-go to Narcotics Anonymous - there you will find you are among freinds- you will not be turned away- most doctors are terrified of addiction because they dont know jack...t about it- go to NA and keep posting on here, there are alot of good people here with plenty of experience, but you will need the face to face as well. when at NA find out who the best doctor in your area is for helping addicts, the people there will know or go to the local community/citizen advice centre- dont be worrying these people have seen it all before they will help and advise you- i wish you the best of luck-YOU ARE NOT ALONE-WE are all ADDICTS HERE

Posts: 433
Joined: December 14, 2009

Posted: December 28, 2014, 1:25 AM

you have taken the first step, now all that is left is the work. I fully understand what you are going through, as I have been there myself. But, by the grace of God, I have found my way back into real life. It hasn't always been easy, but it is definitely worth it. I just spent Christmas with my daughters, who, for many years, avoided me. But know they fill my life with love and for that I shall always be grateful. I do that by sharing with you. To let you know it can be done, but your the one who must do it.
I highly recommend the program of AA(NA), I hope you take the time (and effort) to try it.

Be Well,

All gods send their drunks to AA

My story.. https://www.addictionrecoveryguide.o...ST&f=16&t=63644

Posted: January 7, 2015, 6:34 PM
hi london Girl.. I know how hard it can be to stay away from coke in London and I know how it feels to lock yourself in a toilet for hours to sniff. :,-( have you got somebody helping you recover?

Posts: 39
Joined: October 29, 2014

Posted: January 9, 2015, 6:51 AM
hi londonGirl!

im so sorry for what are you dealing right now :( maybe you can try some AA meetings, this might help you.

Posted: January 15, 2016, 12:43 AM
Cocaine is destroying my life and I feel ashamed that I have let this happen.
I have been using for a year mostly at weekends and sometimes weeknight sessions.
I have been to A&E for overdose on five occasions and have somehow survived!
I live in Slough I was recently busted doing Coke in a club. I was arrested and charged with possession and will likely be in prison tomorrow night.
My life has fallen apart and I don't know what to do anymore?
SD Abuser

Posted: January 16, 2016, 9:31 PM
I wish we were able to chat on these forums. I come here for support but people aren't on everyday or don't answer your forums. It is hard, understand wha you are going through.

Posts: 2
Joined: February 21, 2016

Posted: February 21, 2016, 4:30 AM
about chatting....

Most of the help and recovery in meetings comes from from listening, relating to other people's 'comments'. whether spoken, or written here. They do speak after the meeting.
I just got here, and I find that reading other's comments is comforting, and inspiring. I am not alone. We are not alone.
Please take this in the spirit it was written. I only wished to offer another perspective about your frustration. Seems folks do reply, when they can...or in God's I've heard it said.


Posts: 433
Joined: December 14, 2009

Posted: March 7, 2016, 1:07 AM

I am back (I hope) I mean I didn't have internet.

I will try to come on a regular basis.

I am in the US EST, meaning it's 12:06 am. (I wonder where this forum "is"?)

Hope to "chat" soon, check back the same day you post.


This post has been edited by larrylive on March 7, 2016, 1:08 AM

All gods send their drunks to AA

My story.. https://www.addictionrecoveryguide.o...ST&f=16&t=63644

Posted: August 6, 2016, 7:49 PM
Im writing this to try and help someone who is going through what i have and still am im sad to say cocaine has ruined my life a life i was bought in by a careing loveing family who gave me the best times of my life and I would give anything to relieve the best days of my life but i betrayed my family friends and those who cared for me because i chose drugs and for 15 years iv put drugs first iv tryed rehab, therapy ,meetings and tbh they made me worse guilty ashamed and made me want to get off my head so i can forget my troubles when im on drugs but when the highs gone reality kicks in and iv now come to realise iv lost everything no mates ring u when the cokes gone im alone i have nothing no one and the person to blame is myself iv not been the happy person i once was i dont do drugs as much anymore but can't kick the habit because its been my life for so long but i dont want them in life full stop its not just the drugs it's everything that comes with it the come down the dealer u meet who u think is a mate NO the people who like u for the real u its an over rated lifestyle that will leave u dead or in prison addiction is a hard thing to overcome i hope someone reads this please i beg u life is short your loved there is help and people who will listen to your problems but from experience as i wipe a tear from my eye be someone,live ,love laugh i miss the real me i hate drugs for the person its made me i love you mum dad so much im so sorry xxx

Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011

Posted: August 6, 2016, 7:58 PM
Committing to NA/AA will save your life if you let it.

It gets painful in the beginning but it has to - it gets better.

You are no different than I am and the meetings have treated me for over 27 yrs.

Why not go back and let The 12 Steps save your life.
What do you have to lose ??

I got my life back.. so can you.

All the best.

Bob R

Serenity Prayer
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line:

Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line:
Copy & Paste

Copy & paste



--- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity.

---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

... I need AA more than it needs me.

--- I fight recovery tooth and nail....
I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural.

...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know.

---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it.
Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it.

--- I didn't have a very happy childhood
but I sure am having a long one !

---Dry since 1989
working daily on getting/staying SOBER.

---If you want to drink, that's your business
...If you want to quit, that's AA's business.

... Tell me, I'll forget;
... Show me, I'll remember;
... Engage me, I'll understand.

---Most problems are psychological.
Most solutions are spiritual .

"If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego."
--Richard Rohr

WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do)
Robbie lee

Posted: April 15, 2018, 7:11 AM
Hi there I'm a hevey user at weekends for the past 13 years I've lost abslootly everything my girlfriend my family everything I'm willing to make the change now I'm absolutely sick of my life I keep getting accused of cheating when I haven't how do I turn my life back to how it was and make my relationship work for my family enough is enough now is there any one that can help me out there

Posts: 433
Joined: December 14, 2009

Posted: April 18, 2018, 12:55 PM
Hey Robbie. nice to see you reaching out for help. Forums seem to have slowed down with the invention of facebook. Drop me an e-mail. ..... (or google it for the full story)

Be Well,

*** Please do not post personal contact information. Thank you, the moderators ***

This post has been edited by moderator on April 19, 2018, 8:33 AM

All gods send their drunks to AA

My story.. https://www.addictionrecoveryguide.o...ST&f=16&t=63644

Posted: April 21, 2019, 7:30 PM
I’m from South Wales so the problem has grown From london, I don’t take it everyday but feel addicted cos everytime I’m fed up or feel bored I feel the urge to get a gram in the house on my own !! I know I shouldn’t do it but I give in to the feeling that it will make things better, as a teenager I never wanted to take drugs as my parents take me well, but ended up around 17 taking pills every weekend for around three four years until my head snapped and I was mentally unwell for year after ( should of been locked up) I thought everyone was against me even my parents and that was a constant when soba my head was still fried !!. Somehow I survived that period and now have a family ( kids ) sort of normal like but going out for a drink with my mate or anyone in general coke is standard part of a night out now like a fag and a pint went together in the past. It’s become part of a night out That’s the biggest problem!!. I know 3 people I can get a gram off within walking distance from my house. I nearly lost my mind with pill, which I’m glad I don’t take or never will ever again but for some reason coke is standard , I’m not asking for help as there are people much deeper than me that need saving .but this stuff is is getting stronger day by day and It’s become the norm now

Posted: May 25, 2019, 12:01 AM
I'm in the same boat.

Got myself into a massive rut spending half my wages each month on coke bills and taking it by myself on weeknights most weeks then struggling through work the next day.

I found myself meeting a new partner almost 2 years ago and her lifestyle is totally different from the one I grew up in. Me and my daughter moved in with her and my life is better than I could have ever imagined yet somehow I still kept slipping into a pattern of using and thinking that I was fly and was going unnoticed. Obviously I was wrong and it came to a head a few months back and promised that i was done with it and apart from one night out with my friends I hadn't touched it since.

Then tonight one of the boys stopped by while my partner was out and happened to mention that had a bit on him next thing against all better judgement I've had a few lines knowing full well that's it's not acceptable and I've f**ked it big time.

I can't expect her to put up with this s**t and I didn't mean to do it but it's a hard thing to explain to someone how sometimes the urge just happens and before you know it your on it.

I thought I was going to get to a point when seen this page and thought would join the conversation but has turned into a rant and I'm no better off or got an idea how to help the situation I've made myself.
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