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Posted: June 21, 2020, 5:20 PM
Hello, I’m not sure if this is the right place to be posting, so I apologize in advance if I’m interrupting more appropriate conversation. That being said, I wasn’t really sure where to go, but I’ve been sober for a little over 100 days now. I was binge drinking 4-5 times a week for almost 20 years, so the last 3-4 months have been a challenge, and honestly this is going to sound selfish, but it hasn’t been as rewarding as I had imagined. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t miss the hangovers, regret, guilt etc - but I was hoping to feel energized by now. Motivated to do better things for my body like eat clean and work out. But all I’ve been able to do is sleep and avoid people that trigger me. I guess my question is, is this normal? I figure it would take some time to sorta adjust to this new mindset and feeling better- but honestly I’m not feeling like I thought I would and I’m even considering reaching out to old friends to “hang out” - any ideas? I am hoping someone has been at a similar point in their life and has been able to get through it without taking a step back in their sobriety goals.
Thank you in advance.
Posted: June 25, 2020, 9:03 AM
Hi, 100 Days, and welcome. I don't drop into this board as often as I used to which was every day, all day, a few years ago.
First, congratulations on not drinking.
Secondly, it is no mean feat to white-knuckle it, and eventually it can become overwhelming. Alcoholism is a disease that affect the body and the mind simultaneously, i.e., The mind can't leave it alone and the body can't handle it. Damned if we do, damned if we don't.
It seems that we alcoholics have to have something to relieve the obsession and make us HAPPILY and USEFULLY whole.
For me, after six months of white knuckling it and becoming more and more irritable and discontent, I knew that if I drank again I would end up killing myself. Something had to be done.
I reached out for help. Right here in this forum, as a matter of fact, and I found people that thought like I did, reacted like I did, drank at life like I did, and they all were getting sober and living life on life's terms--and liking it!
There is a solution.
Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation.
Posted: June 26, 2020, 7:44 PM
Hi Welcome to the board. It is all normal what you are feeling and I can relate. I reached out to this board in 2008.. It literally saved my life. Back then it was way more active than it is now and I met people here whom I still am in contact with from time to time . If you are interested there are many meetings online that you can attend and also chat rooms where you can connect with other problem/alcoholic drinkers.. Stepchat.com is one of them . Hope to see you post here again .. Take care . I know it seems to suck especially in the beginning but as skg said there is a solution..
Thank God for what you have. Trust God for what you need
Posted: July 18, 2020, 12:31 AM
Let me tell you..at one point i had almost 22 years clean..BUT
i chose to hang out with people places and things...mainly an ex bf
that smoked pot constantly to keep his urges of heroin use away
Smugly i thought...well pot is not my drug of choice (he didn't drink)...so
as an recovering alcoholic i thought i could handle it...but then the 'poor mes'
started to settle in...i was jealous that he could get high and i couldn't
so poor me pour me a drink...i relapsed of course
well rather than jumping off a bridge i got back on the horse
and now i have over 9 years clean..the ex bf long ago gone
am i happy...no..severely depressed..suicidal even...don't go to meetings
but i am scared...because i know that the next drink will be the end of my life
yes i am an old bat...i also have over 8 years clean from cigarettes which i smoked for 25 years
substance addiction in any form only masks the part of ourselves that we don't want to look
at or accept...it keeps us stuck so we don't have to take any responsibility for our lives or our actions..
so when the substance is gone...life hits you like you are a prizefighter in the ring
and either you fight back or you go down with the count
i am white knuckling it i admit...but i am still standing..maybe God has something
to do with it after all
did i tell you i love you today...i love you
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