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Feeling Desperate

Posted: October 24, 2019, 9:46 PM
I’ve been sober before. My longest stretch was two years. Last year I went six months. Today I want to go forever. I was always afraid of life without alcohol but I am suddenly much more afraid of life with it. But how long can I hold onto the fear?

I feel so desperate. I drink to ease anxiety but that’s no solution and as a recovering anorexic as well it actually fuels anxiety.

I am crying in a crappy hotel room on a business trip. I didn’t drink today but last night could have been bad. It wasn’t but it really could have been. Strange city, drunk, got lost..

I’m a 36 year old woman who feels 14 inside. As a survivor of an extremely abusive mother and good old biology, I have PTSD, ADD, OCD, depression, and a largely unaddressed tendency towards anorexia. Obviously my problems are many more than just drinking but it’s such a dangerous addiction.

I just don’t know how to do this and I feel so alone. Every single member of my family is addicted to something and my parents are the cause of the PTSD so even if they weren’t addicts also I couldn’t trust them. My boyfriend and I have been dating less than two months and I don’t want him to see this about me and run. I want to help myself before I lose him, my job, etc. I want to say I’m a recovering alcoholic, not that I need him to help me because that’s too much too soon.

How do you do this alone? Does anyone else feel this alone and desperate? I’m looking for a therapist but haven’t gotten one yet. They’re so expensive but I know I can’t do this without addressing the rest of the alphabet soup.

I just want someone, anyone, to tell me that I can do this and that if I do, it’s all going to be okay. I want someone to really look at me and tell me that I, specifically, can do this.

Posts: 6374
Joined: January 5, 2008

Posted: October 25, 2019, 5:45 AM
YOu can do this! AA, therapy and a combination of other things helped me get sober and stay sober. If you cannot attend a face to face AA meeting check out you will find support there

Thank God for what you have. Trust God for what you need

Posts: 10
Joined: January 4, 2020

Posted: January 4, 2020, 4:29 PM
Dear Thinkful,

I was addicted to alcohol and then later drugs for many years. Being drunk and high made life feel like it made sense. When I was high or drunk, I felt like everything was okay.

Only, a few days later, reality would smack me in the face like a truck.

I know you feel alone right now, but you are not alone. Now before I go to the cliche of: "God is right there" I would like to challenge you to something:

I was desperate, and willing to try anything. I decided to take up a friend on an offer to attend a Christian addiction treatment. The change was immediate. It's been years since I have touched any substance or even a cigarette. They're absolutely free, they offer counseling, deliverance from depression and inner healing. I challenge you to give them a call, and hopefully decide to attend a meeting. I swear, if nothing happens, you don't ever have to go back.

I would be more than happy to share the link with you to their addresses and locations.

One more challnge: I challenge you to pray. To make a short, sincere prayer (not a religious prayer).

God, If you're real, please help me. I'm desperate and I don't know what to do. Please show yourself to me. In Jesus name: Amen.

God bless and i know for a fact that you'll come out of this.

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This post has been edited by moderator on January 5, 2020, 10:01 AM

Posts: 2
Joined: February 20, 2020

Posted: February 21, 2020, 7:53 PM
"I just want someone, anyone, to tell me that I can do this and that if I do, it’s all going to be okay. I want someone to really look at me and tell me that I, specifically, can do this."

If you find you can't do it, God can.
Thats why AA works when all other approaches fail.
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